


The Quiet One

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-24
Updated: 2006-03-24
Packaged: 2019-02-02 15:31:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 46,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12729279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Following a devastating injury, Daniel begs Jack to end his suffering but his lover is unable to comply. That leaves Daniel with only one choice, one he promised himself he would never make - to become a Tok'ra host.





	The Quiet One

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Warnings: Two-hankie minimum. Graphically described devastating injury. Language. Graphic m/m sex. Male pregnancy (sort of). Death of major character (temporary).  


* * *

**"The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears." **-- John Vance Cheney

The island was shrouded in mist and low clouds. Heat and humidity made Daniel's clothes stick to him and mosquitoes buzzed around him despite the breeze coming off the water. The ferry docked and began to release its passengers, the archaeologist waiting until most of them had passed by him before debarking. On the pier he spotted two Chinese officials both looking more than a little anxious. One was a woman formally dressed in traditional Chinese garb; the other was a middle-aged military man in full dress uniform.

They recognized Daniel and waved him closer, the woman jumping a little with excitement.

"Dr. Jackson! This way, please," she called.

He approached them cautiously, aware of the people streaming by them in that very public place. Smiling, he paused long enough to return their gracious bows of greeting and to participate in formal introductions. He felt the weight of his baggage pulling against his arm and wondered again how long this excursion was going to take. The Chinese government had given the SGC little information; only that a recent earthquake had opened a secret chamber beneath a statue in a temple on Putuoshan Island and its contents fitted the markers that the SGC had given them as Goa'uld provenance. The Chinese were understandably hesitant to go any further, fearing what they might find if they disturbed the artifacts.

When they were safely ensconced in a car and motoring their way to the temple, the archaeologist asked about the find.

"The statue of Quan-Yin has been in place in that temple for thousands of years," Dr. Xi-Ying Tan explained, leaning one arm over the front seat so she could face him. "It appears to have been carved out of the mountain floor, so it was never disturbed. The earthquake toppled it, opening a crack in the floor of the chamber that houses the goddess." She smiled, her dark eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. "The chamber beneath is lit, Doctor. One can see the canopic jar beneath the statue's base but we were uncertain if there might be protection devices within, so we left it alone. We have closed the temple and stationed guards to prevent anyone tampering with the site."

"Did you say, canopic jar?" he asked, frowning.

Dr. Xi-Ying nodded, her eyes growing serious. She reached into a briefcase and handed over some color photographs for him to study. "As you can see, the style is Egyptian, though the writing is Goa'uld."

"This is Meretseger," he told them. "She was the goddess of the necropolis at Thebes."

"And unusual in that she was worshipped only there, by the workmen of the tombs," Xi-Ying added. "She was a protection goddess, watching over the tombs of the dead to guard them from grave robbers."

Daniel's eyes roamed over the elegantly carved head of the jar, remembering where he had seen ones very similar in appearance. The Osiris jar had been intact, but the Isis jar was damaged and the symbiote housed inside died shortly afterward. This jar appeared intact- which could mean another live symbiote awaiting discovery. "It's a good thing you waited," he told them. "I've seen jars like this before and you don't want to open them. Trust me on that."

"What is it?" asked General Tso nervously from the driver's seat.

"There may well be a Goa'uld inside," Daniel said, still studying the photographs. He had only a partial view of the jar and couldn't translate the inscription completely. That would come later, once they had it someplace safe and secure. Very, very secure.

"I'll need some kind of case to carry it back to the SGC," he advised. "My government will probably want to send a military escort for it. Your government is welcome to assist and to sit in on the unsealing, when we get to that." He gave them a tight smile and handed the photos back. "But I warn you, it'll take a while. We do a lot of study before we tamper with these things."

"Of course, Dr. Jackson," General Tso agreed. "Knowing what we do now about the Goa'uld, you are wise to be cautious. I will provide you with military support until your people arrive."

"Thank you."

The rest of the journey was undertaken in silence. Daniel looked out the car windows until they parked at the base of Mount Pataloka. A long series of steps cut into the mountainside wended its way upward, past greyish white boulders jutting out of the green landscape. His legs ached a little by the time he got to the top, standing in the shade beneath a short hallway roofed over to protect pilgrims from the weather. Before him was a gigantic crack in the black mountain, no more than ten feet wide at the base and narrowing as it went upward into the rock.

A paved floor beneath his feet extended into the crack, cut out of the heart of the mountain. As Dr. Xi-Yin told him, Chinese soldiers stood on guard at the entrance and higher up the cliff face there were several more. The interior of the crevasse was dark but Daniel could see a rift in the floor starting just outside the entrance. The two sides of the floor were split open, revealing the heart of the mountain beneath their feet.

"Have you had any geologists up here to determine if this place is safe?" he asked nervously.

"We are still waiting for approval," the general informed him. "Things take longer for us in the East but we are a patient people."

"Yes," Daniel agreed drily. He looked up at the rough rock walls as he stepped between them, careful where he put his feet. Watching the floor, he walked first on one side of the narrow chasm and then on the other, wherever there was better footing.

In the distance he could see the light from the hidden chamber, filling the altar area with a warm amber glow. The statue was tipped at about a 45-degree angle, balanced precariously against a knob of rock sticking out from the wall behind it. Dr. Xi-Ying and General Tso stood to one side, watching the American scientist work, ready to help if asked.

Daniel squatted down beside the hole in the floor, studying the construction of the chamber, alert for any sign of booby-traps. It looked innocent enough, the square sides of the hole decorated in both Egyptian and Chinese text and pictures. Pieces began to fit together but the puzzle was still incomplete.

"I'm guessing this chamber was built by Lord Yu," he announced. Lying on his belly, he put his cheek to the cold stone floor and examined the bottom of the statue, then checked the interior of the hole for any indicator that it might be rigged. There were no apparent triggers. "I think it's safe. I'm going to reach inside for the jar."

Slowly, he extended his left hand into the space beneath the statue. He could feel the sweat beading on his face, some of it running in rivulets across his upper lip and forehead. This wasn't hard work but it was very tense. Any misjudgement could lose him a hand - or worse.

Carefully, he reached into the chamber until his fingers just touched the alabaster surface of the canopic jar. It was cool and smoothly polished. His hand slid slowly down the side of it until he could get a grip on it. With infinite patience, he withdrew the artifact from its prison and with a sigh of relief, he rolled onto his back and sat up, taking his first good look at it. Reverently he cradled it in his hands, head bowed over the beautiful, ancient sculpture.

Lord Yu's official symbol, his "chop" as the Chinese called it, was inscribed on the front of the jar. He smiled and pointed to it as Dr. Xi-Ying came closer and knelt beside him, eager to see. "I was right. Lord Yu placed this here. We've never heard about any rival System Lords in the Asian area but with Egyptian roots, it could be any-"

A soft mechanical hum sounded. Dr. Xi-Ying glanced upward. General Tso shouted a warning. Daniel started to move, to turn toward the noise but he was too late. He felt a flash of heat against the back of his neck and then nothing.

* * *

He opened his eyes to a view of concrete floor. By his posture and the assembly holding him up, he knew he was in a hospital. To each side of him were curved chrome rails and he could feel a band of fabric across his forehead, holding his head in place. Other than that, he couldn't feel much at all.

"Hello," he called. "Is anybody there?" He repeated his summons in Mandarin.

A pair of white shoes came into view. He tried to look up but knees were as far as his field of vision would go.

"Dr. Jackson, you're awake," a woman's voice answered, speaking in perfect Mandarin. "That's very good." The woman, probably a nurse, squatted down to make eye contact. "We've contacted your people in America and there's a plane with medical staff on the way to take you home. They're at the airport and should be arriving here in the next couple of hours."

"How long have I been out?" he demanded. "What happened?"

"I don't have all the details, doctor," she answered. "You'll have to wait for Dr. Lung or your Dr. Fraiser for more information."

"Why can't I move?" he asked, suddenly aware that he couldn't feel his hands or legs.

"Please be patient, sir," the nurse advised. She stood up, leaving his view and began to make adjustments to the machine that held him captive. "Are you in any pain?"

"My name is Daniel," he told her, trying desperately not to panic. "Please call me Daniel."

"Of course. Are you in any pain, Daniel?"

"Uh-" He searched his body for sensation. "Headache. The back of my neck hurts but that's all. I can't feel anything else."

"All right. I'll talk to your doctor to see if we can do anything about the pain. Be right back."

"No, wait!" he called. "Don't leave me alone, please."

The shoes disappeared anyway. It seemed like forever before they came back. "I'm injecting morphine into your IV, Daniel. That should help you feel better soon."

"Please don't leave me," Daniel begged. "I'm scared. I've seen these contraptions before and I know what they're used for. I've got a spinal cord injury, don't I?"

The shoes were very still. The woman in them shifted her weight uncertainly from foot to foot. "Yes, Daniel."

"How bad is it? You can tell me. I need to know. Dr. Fraiser will tell me anyway."

She hesitated. "I'm sorry, Daniel. You're going to have to wait for the doctor."

Her tone of voice, the sorrow in it, told him everything he needed to know.

"Oh, God," he whispered. Memory was coming back now, incomplete but enough that he realized what must have happened. Removing the jar triggered some hidden Goa'uld device that had fried the back of his neck and now he was paralyzed. He would never walk again. He would never have the use of his hands again.

He might as well be dead.

* * *

Jack walked into the room, smoothing down the jacket of his dress blues. He'd been at some damned official function at the mountain when word came about the accident and he insisted on going with Dr. Fraiser and the rest of his team to collect Daniel and the artifact. Carter would be in charge of disarming the device in the cave and he and Teal'c would provide security for that Goa'uld jar on the way home. Dr. Fraiser and her nursing staff would take charge of Daniel and see that he was transported comfortably back to the mountain.

From the moment he saw his lover in that giant hamster wheel, he knew without being told just how bad it was.

Daniel's head and shoulders were exposed to view. He lay facing the floor, his head and body supported by straps and a big hammock fastened inside the circular rims of the support device. Kawalski had been in one of those on the base after that Goa'uld got into him, as much as a method of restraint as to make access to the back of his neck possible during surgery but Daniel didn't need surgery to remove a snake.

There was a black patch at the base of his neck. Thick layers of gauze soaked with saline solution lay plastered over the wound and every few minutes a nurse would come by and re-wet the cloth. He watched in horror as Dr. Fraiser lifted the gauze with gloved fingers, peering at the wound.

Skin and muscle were charred black. Vertebrae were exposed to view. The damage was horrifyingly severe.

Jack closed his eyes, struggling not to make a sound. There were tears in his eyes. He turned and left the room, stumbling against Carter and Teal'c just as they were about to go in.

He pushed past them, lurching against the nearest wall for support. His breath was a harsh rasp in his ears, blocking out all other sound. Thoughts wouldn't congeal, distorted by the shock blanketing his mind. All he could see was Daniel.

Hands touched him. He shook them off, straightened and tugged his uniform jacket into place. Instinctively he adjusted the dress hat slightly skewed on his head. Those small, familiar movements helped Jack pull himself together and in a rush his surroundings registered. His teammates were staring at him. Doctors and nurses passing in the hallway shot worried glances his way.

Straightening up, Jack tried to say something but his voice wouldn't work. He shook his head in answer to Carter's inquiry. No, he wasn't all right. After seeing his lover in that state, Jack thought he might never be all right ever again.

* * *

"How are you feeling, Daniel?" Janet asked solicitously. "Ready to go home?"

"Tell me if it's permanent," he ground out. "I know it's bad, Janet. Just tell me."

She looked down at the charred flesh and exposed bone. The glistening white cord that should have been there was gone, the vertebrae forming an empty chamber at the base of his neck. No medicine they had available -- aside from finding a sarcophagus -- would heal this injury.

"I think you already knew when you asked me that," she answered gently. "Didn't you?"

"Quadriplegic?"

She swallowed hard and laid the gauze back in place. "Yes. We can fit you with one of those chairs that does everything, like Stephen Hawking's," she offered hopefully. "There's still a lot of work you can do for the SGC. Research-"

"No," he cut in sharply. "Is there a possibility of infection?"

Janet had already been apprised of all the measures that the Chinese hospital had taken so far. With injuries this severe, it was an enormous possibility. They could still lose him. She nodded and then remembered he couldn't see her face. "Yes. Your condition is still critical."

"Then since I can't put my signature to anything anymore, I want to set up a verbal DNR, Janet. If it gets bad, just let me go. No heroic measures. Don't try too hard to save me. Okay?"

She turned away, motioning to the nursing staff to get started with preparing her patient for transport. Her mouth was set in a determined line but there were tears in her eyes as she supervised the nurses at work. She knew how Daniel was, how important it was for him to touch things with his fingers while he worked on them. This would destroy him, little by little and she had taken an oath to preserve life. She had watched him die once, unable to help him at all. Her heart was on the fence with this one but she could not just let him succumb to the inevitable illness that would follow.

He would just have to help her fight this battle, whether he wanted to or not. Daniel Jackson was worth it and she was going to help him find some way to survive with a reasonable quality of life. His team would be with her on that, she was sure.

* * *

Teal'c sat with the box between his feet, staring at the stretcher just in front of him in the belly of the airplane. He could see the soles of DanielJackson's bare feet, unnaturally pale and still. His teammate's body was a landscape of hills and valleys under thick blankets, barely looking like anything human. Dr. Fraiser sat by his head, trying to get the linguist to talk, wetting his bandages, checking his pulse and temperature; doing all the things a doctor should do.

Periodically she would inject some medication into the tube running into her patient's vein but DanielJackson remained sullenly silent.

He knew.

Teal'c was sure of that. The Jaffa had watched his friend ascend after the radiation poisoning ravaged his body, in awe of what it took to achieve that feat but then, he had always believed this man was special, that there was some great destiny awaiting him. Now, it seemed, that greatness would be denied.

He looked down at the box between his feet; aware of what lay inside it, locked away from the world. If a symbiote was inside the jar, as the archaeologist suspected, it might have the power to heal him but what it would take from him would be too great a price to pay.

Still, the Tok'ra could remove it, once its work was done.

It was a chance but he knew DanielJackson would rather die than take that chance.

Teal'c mourned silently for his friend, his heart in his throat, tears in his eyes and he was glad that DanielJackson could not see him. He was not a man who wanted anyone's pity. That was part of what made him so strong.

DanielJackson was unbreakable in Teal'c's estimation. He would find a way to go on, to make something of his life, because that was the kind of man he was.

A warrior.

Teal's sat up straighter and blinked the tears from his eyes. He was proud to call this man his friend, his brother. He would not be weak when Daniel needed him to be strong.

Dr. Fraiser looked up and met Teal'c's eyes and he saw her determination gleaming back at him. Lifting her chin, she gave him a little nod and a smile. They would help DanielJackson, because they were his family.

Because they loved him.

* * *

Carter had tears streaming down her cheeks as she left the infirmary room that was now Daniel's new home. She looked angry, her lips pressed firmly together. Eyes flashing, she met the colonel's gaze as he headed in for his daily visit at the end of his shift.

"Tell him no," she growled. "He's gonna ask you, too. He'll push you hardest, sir, and you can't do it."

Jack didn't respond. He had some idea what she was so angry about but the subject hadn't come up yet. Apparently, Daniel was tired of waiting. He'd survived the inevitable infection with astounding ease, his body putting up quite a fight for survival but his mind-

Daniel was upright in his cage when Jack strolled into the room. The colonel flashed a smile as he grabbed a stool and hauled it closer. "Hey, Daniel. How's it goin'?"

The archaeologist's eyes followed him, looking down beneath his lashes. His eyes were smouldering, his mouth drawn up into a soft pout. "Same as yesterday, Jack. Bored out of my skull. How was your day?"

"Just got back from some sandy, god-forsaken planet or other. I'm bored shitless, too. Wanna play some chess?"

Glancing up at the mirror that gave Daniel a view of his entire room, he saw that they were alone. His expression changed to wistfullness. "Would you- would you kiss me, Jack? Please?"

O'Neill got up, went over to the door and locked it. He eyed the camera aimed at the bed, took a pillowcase from a nearby stack of linens and threw it over the lens. "We won't have much time," he told his lover. "Fraiser keeps a sharp eye on that monitor. She'll be banging on the door in two minutes flat."

"I don't care," Daniel said softly. "I need you. I need to feel you, Jack."

Mouths met hungrily, devouring each other. Jack's hands clasped Daniel's face. "This tears me up inside, Daniel," he whispered, "and I can't let anyone see it. God, how I miss touching you."

"Jack," Daniel whispered between kisses, "don't make me live like this. I can't."

Angish and rage surged up in the colonel and he turned away just as someone knocked on the door.

"I won't kill you, Daniel," Jack growled. "I can't. You **know** that."

"I'm dying anyway," Daniel assured him hotly. "This isn't living. I'd do it myself, if I could. I'd do it for **you."**

Jack wrenched himself away and headed for the door. "I can't kill you, goddammit," he shouted, his soul turning inside out. "And if you ever ask me again, I'll stop coming here to see you."

Daniel didn't say anything.

The door opened and Jack looked down into a pair of furious brown eyes. "Colonel, I will not tell you again-"

"I know, doc. I was just leaving."

From the middle of the room a low growl grew into an ear-splitting howl of frustration and rage. Daniel stopped long enough to take a breath and then started again. Jack felt his blood sink into his feet at that sound.

Fraiser was furious with her patient. "Daniel, stop that this instant! You're not doing yourself or anyone else any good."

Jackson ignored her.

Her glare intensified, standing in front of him, arms akimbo. "I will sedate you, if you make it necessary." She had to shout to be heard.

Daniel only got louder. He stopped suddenly, coughing and choking, gagging and gasping for breath. Janet's expression changed to one of concern and she approached the bed, penlight in hand.

Jack looked up in the mirror at the man, struggling to breathe. Struggling to live. That was not a man who really wanted to die and Jack knew it.

He stepped aside to let the nurses in to assist Fraiser in taking care of her patient, watching as they worked on him. Once they had Daniel stabilised and sedated, the colonel slipped away, heart burning with anguish at the cruel trick fate had played on such a vital man.

Had O'Neill been in that situation, he'd have made the same request and he knew it. He also knew his friend well enough to believe that, despite Daniel's claim, he would not have done anything to rectify the situation if their places were reversed. Daniel would have found some way to keep Jack's mind occupied, making life bearable.

And that was just what Jack intended to do for the man he loved.

* * *

"Any luck with those inscriptions yet?" Jack asked, sliding the next photograph into view beneath Daniel's face.

"Luck has nothing to do with it, Jack," the archaeologist returned. He was aimed at the floor again, rotated into a new position every so many hours to prevent bedsores. Daniel eyed one of the characters, concentrating hard.

"It's interesting," he said conversationally. "The Egyptian goddess, Meretseger, was considered a goddess of mercy and compassion, just as Quan-Yin was in China, so there's definitely a connection between them. They may have been the same person, in fact. However, unlike any other Egyptian deity, she is shown as capable of absolution for the repentant, in addition to great wrath for sinners. None of the other Goa'uld gods that we've discovered have that particular attribute. Mercy is alien to them. They were just as unstable and whim-driven as the Olympian gods."

"And this means what?" Jack asked with apparent interest.

"I don't know yet. Any results on the canopic jar from Sam's tests yet?"

"Oh, yeah. There's a snake in there, all right. Looks intact, too. Hammond hasn't decided whether or not to open it yet. Wants to be a little more sure who's inside first."

"So they're waiting on me," Daniel surmised. His gaze shifted to another photograph. "The inscription indicates that 'she' displeased Lord Yu greatly and was sentenced for all time to live in dreams. I think the term 'she' is significant - it's definitely a character indicating that the being is female. Jack, I think this could be a Goa'uld queen."

"Then we'll have to be extra careful," O'Neill agreed. "They're dangerous bitches. We probably ought to have female staff only working with her. It. Whatever."

"If she's got that same pheromone thing, we're immune to it," Daniel reminded him. "Remember what Hathor said?"

"I'm not sure I'd trust a Goa'uld, even with the truth."

Daniel didn't reply, his eyes darting from photograph to photograph, showing every face of the canopic jar. Reference books were spread out on the table all around the photos. "Jack, turn to page 622 in Larousse. The big red book at four o'clock to me."

Jack reached for the book and turned to the page. "How you remember the page numbers just astounds me, Daniel. You got some big honkin' brain."

"I have a lot of these books almost memorized," Jackson assured him flatly, concentrating on the reference. He mumbled aloud as he read, his eyes zipping across the page. " 'Born of the fountain, floating on a lotus blossom to shore-' Hmmm." He looked at another book. "No mention of the fountain there, just the lotus. Jack, see if you can find any images of Quan-Yin. I want to see how she's depicted. I know, this could take a while."

Dutifully, the colonel flipped through the indexes of the books, laying out page after page of representations of the Asian goddess of mercy. Daniel looked at the pictures, waiting for something to click. When it did, he couldn't breathe.

"Daniel? You okay up there?" Jack bent down, craning his neck to make eye contact.

Daniel's gaze shot to meet his. "Jack- I think this is Egeria's daughter. Look at the pictures of Quan-Yin- there's a fountain in almost all of them, and fountains were Egeria's providence. I think Quan-Yin's a Tok'ra and not just any Tok'ra- a **queen.** Do you understand what that means?"

"More Tok'ra?"

"Jack!" Daniel felt like he needed to explode. There was so much energy inside him, more than he could contain. He needed an outlet. He needed to wiggle but he couldn't. "This is great! You've got to contact the Tok'ra. Maybe they can verify this find for us."

The colonel was silent for a long time.

"Jack?"

"Just thinkin', Daniel," he said softly, "about options." He paused. "I'll go tell General Hammond." He got up slowly and disappeared from Daniel's view.

Daniel remembered Sam's ungainly attempt to use the healing device on him. They had a little success - he re-grew enough flesh to close the hole in the back of his neck, which gave him a better chance at survival. He had already thought about the 'options' Jack hinted at so obviously and he had rejected them. It would be a long, difficult ordeal as it was, just healing up from the injury. If he became a Tok'ra host, it would be faster. There was even a slim chance that he'd get his mobility back but then he'd be sharing his mind with one of those- snakes.

Every part of him rebelled at that idea.

He'd rather be- like he was than a host, even to a Tok'ra, one of the good guys- but the more that notion streamed through his mind, the less horrible it became.

That frightened him. He didn't want to be a host. That was what had taken Sha're from him and if he gave in, the Tok'ra would take him from his home, his friends, his life. It wasn't a deal he could make.

He returned to studying the pictures and references, looking for as much proof as he could find to support his theory.

* * *

Part II

Jacob's face was grave as he examined the canopic jar. He glanced away at the symbiote swimming in a tank nearby, extracted by the Tok'ra under the supervision of the Tau'ri. Two other Tok'ra stood by the tank, studying the creature as it danced in the water.

"This is Quan-Yin, goddess of compassion," General Carter confirmed. "She was born Meretseger, daughter of Egeria, who fled to the East from the wrath of Ra. She lived humbly for a time, helping mankind and teaching the wisdom of mercy and forgiveness, until she was captured and punished by Lord Yu." His head dipped and his voice changed as Selmak took control. "We assumed she was killed. All records indicate that he had her cut into a thousand pieces and cast to the four winds. We are immesurably pleased that she has been found alive." He bowed to General Hammond, who stood nearby. "The Tok'ra are greatly in your debt."

"What will you do with her, Selmak?" Hammond asked. "I'm assuming you'll be searching for a host as quickly as one can be found."

"Of course," Selmak assured him. He bowed his head. Jacob came up smiling. "This is a great day, George."

"Selmak!"

Jacob turned at the strident address from one of his Tok'ra aides. He glanced at the tank and saw what had caused the alarm. The symbiote was no longer swimming around the tank. She was straightening out, spasms rippling through her serpentine body. "Oh, God," he breathed.

He turned panicked eyes to Hammond. "George, we need a host. Right now. We don't have time to get her back to our base. She's going into shock and if she doesn't blend with someone ASAP, she'll die. If you can't find someone, Selmak will make the sacrifice." He swallowed hard. "It could kill me, too."

Sam stood nearby, her face set. She put a hand on his arm and squeezed. "I'll do it, Dad."

"Wait," Hammond ordered Major Carter gently. "I think there's someone else we should ask first." He glanced at Jack, standing quietly in the background. The colonel eyed him for a moment and then slipped out of the room without a word.

* * *

Daniel heard the door open behind him and glanced up into the curved mirror that gave him a complete view of his room. He watched Jacob, Sam, Teal'c, Dr. Fraiser and General Hammond come in and gather around him, faces drawn. "What is it?" he asked. "What's happened?"

"We opened the canopic jar successfully," reported Jacob, "but the shock to the symbiote's body after such a long time in stasis is beginning to show. We need to find her a host right now." He glanced at Hammond, then back at Daniel. "We thought we should give you first say."

Daniel's initial instinct was to say no but he kept his mouth shut. The door opened again and he saw Jack slip inside, stepping just inside the door. Leaning against the wall, Jack stuffed his hands in his pants pockets, his head down, looking at the floor. That was all the opinion O'Neill was going to express. This had to be Daniel's decision and his alone. He didn't have much time to make it, now that the situation had become critical.

"Is it a Tok'ra, as I suspected?" asked Daniel tensely.

"Yes. Meretseger, as she was known in Egypt, Quan-Yin in China," Jacob answered quietly. "We thought she was long dead, Danny. The fact that she's been discovered alive is the greatest single event in Tok'ra history. We can't afford to lose her."

There it was, laid out on the table. Urgency was an electric current in the air, charging everyone in the room. He had to choose.

"Can she heal me?"

Jacob's head dipped and Selmak answered huskily, "It will take time and great effort, Daniel, but yes. If you accept the symbiote within you, you will walk again. If you do not-"

"I'll take her," Sam finished for her father. She gave him a brave smile. "Don't feel like you have to do this, Daniel."

The archaeologist clenched his teeth. His lips turned white, pressing together hard in anger and resentment. He hated this contraption that was his whole world. He hated being hand fed, having someone change his diaper every few hours, being totally unable to do anything but think and talk. He wanted to walk - hell, he wanted to run! The simple act of turning the page in a book by himself was almost erotic and if he let this opportunity pass him by, he knew for certain it would never come again.

"You would also be saving a life, DanielJackson," Teal'c murmured quietly. "The symbiote will die without a host."

Daniel's eyes moved up to his old friend's face and saw the quiet admiration there. "All right," he growled. "I'll do it. Go get the damned thing."

Jacob released a pent up breath and smiled with relief. "Be right back, Danny." In seconds he was back in the room with the Tok'ra aides behind him, carrying in the container filled with water where the symbiote floundered in obvious distress. Jacob reached into the container, gently grasping the creature's snake-like body and tenderly lifting her out with both hands.

Daniel looked at the slimy creature in Jacob's grasp. He blinked tears from his eyes so he could see it clearly. He was terrified but he wanted to see his fate coming.

"You sure you want to do this, Danny?" Jacob asked again.

"Just do it before I change my mind," he ground out.

"Open wide."

Daniel's eyes went automatically to Jack's face, pale and drawn, standing in the back of the group. Jack looked away, at the floor, so he wouldn't see it happen.

The creature raised its head wearily and Jacob inserted it into Daniel's mouth.

He tasted fish, smelled the odor of an aquarium in need of cleaning. Slick flesh slid across his tongue and then sharp, burning pain at the back of his throat made him gag. His teeth closed reflexively but the creature moved fast, already in him, burrowing its way into his throat, up his spinal column, into his brain. He could feel it moving and then suddenly, nothing, the pain only a flash of memory. His head felt full and fuzzy and there was blood on his lips and tongue.

He spat the fluid out. Dr. Fraiser wiped his mouth with a small wet towel.

"How do you feel, Daniel?" she asked him.

"Fine, just-" His head lolled back against the fabric of the hammock that supported him when he was on his back. "-exhausted all of a sudden."

"Just relax, Danny," Jacob said soothingly. "Don't fight it. You'll both be just fine. Rest, now."

Daniel closed his eyes. He slept, dreaming of Egypt. He saw the pyramids when they were new, gleaming in the amber light of the desert sun. He saw Ra in all his splendor, ruling over his court of human slaves, flanked by lesser gods and goddesses. Hathor with her flaming hair stood at his side, smiling and cruel in her beauty. In the distance a fountain flowed, and sitting beside it was a beautiful woman with long, dark hair and dusky skin and as beautiful as the night.

**Mother,** he thought happily.

**Do you see, beloved?**

\--Quan-Yin?--

**I have had many names. Meretseger. Mertseger. Merseger. Mereseger. Padma-p-ni. Avalokiteshvara. Miao Shan. Quan'Am. Quan-Yin.Kannon. Kanin. Tara. Which one pleases you?**

\--None of them and I don't really want you here, you know.--

**I sense great sorrow in you, beloved. How may I help you to heal?**

\--Just leave me alone. I did this for purely selfish reasons. I want to walk again. Can you do that? Can you heal me?--

**I will try, beloved, but first I must rest. I must gain my strength before I may share it with you. Will you be patient with me?**

\--I don't exactly have a choice, now, do I?--

**There is so much pain in your soul, my sweet one. Give me time and I will help you heal. Thank you for saving my life. I know it was not your wish to do so. It is a tremendous sacrifice you have made for me and I shall try to be worthy of the great honor you give me.**

\--Yeah, right, and I've got some swampland in Florida I can sell you.--

Daniel opened his eyes to the room full of people. He searched the faces, all of them familiar except for the two Tok'ra in the background. Somebody was missing and Daniel's eyes shifted up to the mirror, looking over the whole room.

Jack was gone.

Just as Daniel expected. He sighed. "We're okay," he reported. "She's resting now but we had a- conversation. She thanked me for saving her life."

Relief flooded Jacob's features and the other Tok'ra let out pent-up breaths."Oh, that's good news, Danny. That's great news." He turned to Dr. Fraiser. "We'd like them to remain here for a few days, until Meretseger gets her strength back. It's going to take a while for her to heal Daniel; maybe as much as a couple of months but during that time we'd like to conduct interviews, as soon as she's able to talk with us for reasonable periods."

"Of course," Janet responded with a smile. "Perhaps you can help us with prognosis and care instructions. I'm not at all sure what to expect here, Jacob. Any help you can give-"

"It will be our pleasure," Jacob assured her. He took a deep breath, his chest puffing out with pride, eyes sparkling as he turned them back to Daniel. "A queen! I can't tell you how important this is to the Tok'ra!"

"Whoopee. I'm a queen," he snarked morosely. "Not exactly the package I'm sure she had in mind."

"Let's not worry about that now," Jacob returned, stroking Daniel's hair fondly. "We're concentrating on getting you back on your feet. Sound good?"

**"That** I can deal with," Daniel shot back tensely. "The rest of it- I don't know. This may not be a permanent relationship, Jacob. You might wanna start looking for another host, just in case. A female would give you the widest range of options."

"Sure. Sure. We'll talk about that later." Jacob's grin widened. "A queen! Goddamn, I can't believe it. I'm so proud of you, Danny."

Daniel shifted his gaze to the floor. He wasn't happy with any of this. However, aside from a very slight headache, he couldn't tell anything at all had happened.

That would change when the snake in his head recovered enough to want to talk and when that happened, he was going to be one very unhappy archaeologist.

* * *

**Daniel dreamed of the desert, pale and silent under an indigo sky filled with stars. The ground was rough-smooth beneath bare feet, still warm from the sun. The city of the dead stretched out to the horizon, still and soundless except for the soft swish of feet in the sand. This was his favorite time, when no one was about and there was peace.

A sound made him turn, the rough scrape of stone on stone. In the black shadows near one of the new tombs, there was movement and then another scrape, followed by whispers. He turned toward the noise, his heart filling with quiet anger. He knew who was there.

Grave-robbers, seeking treasures meant for the dead.

He stood in the moonlight just outside the opened door and waited. Soon enough, three men stepped stealthily out, hugging the shadows, their arms filled with gold, incense and perfumes. He waited, still as a statue, until they looked up and saw him and then he raised his left hand, a gold ribbon and fingertips winking in the moonlight. Three quick blasts, just enough and the men cried out, reaching for their faces.

"Blind! I'm blind!" one of them cried. "Have mercy, great Meretseger! I will repent my sins if you will be merciful. I beg you, mercy!"

The other two staggered off into the night, bumping into things along the way, dropping items one by one until they had lost all their stolen booty. One of them stepped on a scorpion, which stung him repeatedly. The other came too close to a coiled asp, which struck him as he passed by.

"You will respect those whom you have violated?" he asked in a feminine, soft voice.

"I will and I shall raise a monument to your compassion, great one," the man vowed.

Daniel raised his right hand and stepped closer, healing the damage caused moments earlier.

The thief looked up at the goddess Meretseger and fell at her feet.**

Daniel watched in horrified fascination as the thief gathered up all the loot and carried it dutifully back inside the tomb. It was as if the memory was his own but he knew it wasn't. The Tok'ra symbiote was still sleeping and he was sharing her dream.

Curiosity prodded him. He wondered what other things he might learn. If he could get at some of the knowledge the Tok'ra withheld so obstinately from the Tau'ri, they might actually start getting somewhere. Granted, Meretseger's knowledge was obsolete by a couple thousand years but there was still much to be gained and if he could sneak into her dreams without trying, there might be a lot he could discover while the beast slept.

He busied himself with finding ways to touch that alien mind without waking it.

* * *

**Have you enjoyed your journey, beloved?**

\--Don't call me that. My name is Daniel.--

He felt a distinct pang of hurt at his rude reply and knew it wasn't his own emotions rippling in his soul. That slight pain had to be the snake's. He wasn't expecting that, the bleeding over of emotions between them.

\--So, do I feel what you feel, too? We share emotions? Is that part of the bargain here?--

**Yes, Daniel.**

She remained quiet after that.

He felt a little guilty. --Are you feeling better?--

**It is kind of you to ask. I do feel better. Still very weary. Are you not hungry?**

\--Hadn't thought about it. I tend to ignore that sort of thing if I'm busy.--

**And you have been very busy.**

He felt what seemed like a smile, though he knew symbiotes couldn't do that, especially not plugged into his brain like it undoubtedly was. A distinct sense of warmth and pleasure seeped through him, and the snake was the only possible source. That just felt- weird.

\--So you knew what I was doing?--

**Yes, Daniel. I allowed you to explore my mind, my memories. I look forward to learning about you as well. If you will allow it.**

\--And if I don't?--

Sadness settled over him, holding his heart like a warm hand.

**It is your choice. I will not force you to blend with me, be-Daniel.**

\--Why do you call me 'beloved'? You don't even know me. How can you feel any sort of affection for me?--

**Because I understand what a sacrifice it is for any of your kind to offer to host mine. That takes great courage and strength. It takes compassion for others and a deep well of understanding. That is the kind of person I can easily love and I do care for you. I care for all of your kind and the suffering you have endured at the hands of my people.**

He felt embarrassed by that honest praise. He really hadn't given her a chance because he didn't want to learn to like her, or to appreciate her on any level. If he did that, it would be harder to let her go, to let her choose someone else. He needed to be glad to be rid of her when the time came.

He looked around for a nurse and found her at his back. "Um, Ms. Painter, when's dinner?"

She glanced up with a startled smile. "You're hungry? That's great. I'll let Dr. Fraiser know and we'll get you something sent up right away." The nurse stepped to the phone on the wall by the door and made the call. "Are you feeling better?" she asked after she hung up, coming around front to check the IV tubing and rotate The Rack, as Daniel chose to think of the machine that was his prison, into an upright position.

"From the neck up, I feel fine," he answered casually, with only the faintest trace of bitterness. "The rest of me, I don't know about." He paused. "Meretseger is hungry. I have to keep her strength up."

Nurse Painter smiled a little. "That was a noble thing you did, Daniel. The Tok'ra are very grateful."

"Yeeeaaaah." He frowned. He felt guilty about all the praise he was getting. His motivations were purely selfish and nobody seemed to be paying attention to that at all.

**It is thus with most who agree to host the children of Egeria. Only rarely have any come to us whole and healthy, requesting to join with us but we are pleased to help.**

There was that damned mental smile again.

\--Tell me about those who did.--

An image of a beautiful young Egyptian woman filled his mind. She knelt before Egeria, her gown transparent in the desert sun. She smiled and opened her mouth to receive the symbiote and the memory cut off abruptly. Daniel guessed Meretseger was protecting him from the view a symbiote saw during the moments of implantation.

**Nenet was my first host, Daniel. She was a princess, well educated, deeply spiritual. We were happy together for many centuries.**

\--No sarcophagus?--

**It destroys the soul. Surely you know this, sweet Daniel?**

\--So when she was old, you found somebody else.--

**No. Ra grew angry with us and we were forced to flee. Nenet aged well under my care-**

A spear of grief shot through him. He gasped. "What the hell was that?" he asked aloud.

"Daniel?" Nurse Painter came to stand in his view. "Are you okay?"

His brows scrunched down over his eyes. "Uh, yeah. I was just having a conversation with- you know-" His eyes rolled slightly, trying to make up for the lack of hands that should have been waving in the air.

"Oh." The nurse went back around to the monitors against the wall.

**I am sorry, Daniel. I tried to shield you from my grief for Nenet. I loved her.**

\--Yeah. Right.--

His disbelief was apparent in his mental tone of voice. The burden of grief lifted but did not fade completely. Meretseger continued with her tale.

**We fled to the East and in my travels I found a man who was kind to all he met.**

The image of a homely middle-aged man came to mind. His clothes marked him as Indian, draped in folds of white cotton, his bare feet dirty and cracked. Many of his teeth were gone but he was smiling, always smiling.

**This was Sanat.**

A sensation of great joy blossomed within him briefly, crowded out by Daniel's rush of cynicism and hatred.

\-- I thought your kind only chose beautiful people as hosts.--

Pain gripped his heart and then was shuttled quickly away, leaving him empty and cold. Something quivered inside him and he thought it was the snake. Hatred surged through him. He felt violated.

**I will trouble you no more, Daniel. I will retire into silence, that you may be at peace while you heal.**

Daniel felt a little lost for a moment, uncertain exactly what had just happened. Probing for her conscioiusness, he couldn't find a trace of her in his mind or his heart.

\--Meretseger?--

There was no answer.

His food arrived and he dutifully ate his meal, tolerating being hand fed by Nurse Painter, wishing Jack would come to pay him a visit. His lover had been unaccountably absent since the implantation and Daniel was sure it was because of the snake.

Daniel chatted with the nurse during the meal and when he had cleaned the plate, he felt incredibly weary. Painter wiped his mouth, brushed his teeth for him and adjusted The Rack into a reclining position so he could sleep. He closed his eyes, searching for his hitchhiker but she had closed herself off from him completely, as if she had vanished from his body.

Sleep stole up on him and when he woke sometime later, he went hunting her again.

He sighed.

\-- I hurt you. I'm sorry.--

He found that was true. Even if the thing was a parasite, she still had feelings and was a sentient being. He had no right to treat her as if she wasn't.

\-- I'd like to share something with you, Meretseger. I want you to understand why I feel the way I do about- all of your kind, regardless of- political beliefs.--

Daniel felt no response whatsoever. It was as though the creature had completely abandoned him. That worried him a little.

* * *

"Morning, Danny," Jacob said cheerfully as he strolled into the room. "Did you two have a good night?"

"I have no concept of time anymore, Jacob," he shot back irritably. "I don't even know what day it is. They won't allow me to have clocks or calendars in here."

Sadness deepened the lines in the older man's face. "I'm sorry. I know this has been incredibly hard for you, Daniel. It'll get better soon, I promise."

There was such quiet joy in his dark eyes. His hope touched Daniel and he felt shame rising in him again. His prejudice really wasn't helping things. In fact, it might have done irrevocable damage.

"How is our little queen? Has she adjusted to her new environment?"

Daniel cleared his throat. "Um- I think she's okay. She- uh- she stopped talking to me last night."

Jacob frowned. "Is she all right? Does she need medical attention?"

"Physically she's fine. I think I'd know if she was sick. Wouldn't I? Or would she have to tell me that?"

"You'd know it. You'll feel what she feels and vice versa. You're one, now." A look of genuine wonder lit up Jacob's face, softening into a little smile.

Daniel's mouth drew up into a pout as he considered that. "I don't think that's happening. I can't feel her at all and she won't talk to me."

Something dark clouded Jacob's face. "What happened between you? You should be blended by now."

"Yeah, well, I still don't really get that concept, Jacob. We've been talking. She's been sharing- memories with me." He hesitated, forcing himself to look the other man in the eye. "I- um- I insulted her. I think I hurt her feelings."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!" Jacob threw up his hands, took a step away and then turned back, eyes flashing with incredible anger and disapproval. "Dammit, Daniel, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I guess I wasn't. I'm just pissed off by the fact that I no longer have any use of my body and I wasn't being very nice. So sue me," he pouted fiercely. "She'll get over it."

Jacob caught his hands behind his back and leaned in close to Daniel's face. "Do you know **anything** about this remarkable being, Daniel? Her history, who she is? Because I think if you did, you'd treat her with a hell of a lot more respect than you have so far."

"Quan-Yin, goddess of compassion," Daniel snapped. "Yeah, I know who she pretended to be when her kind ruled the world. So what?"

Carter's hand caught his jaw in a vice-like grip, his eyes flashing with rage. "We called her the Quiet One," he growled back. "For centuries she never spoke with her own voice, because she hated taking control from her host. The only hosts she's ever had felt privileged to be with her, asked for her to join them and were glad of it forever afterward. She's the Tok'ra equivalent of Buddah, Daniel. The closest thing we'll ever have to a saint, the most spiritually enlightened mind among us. That's who you hurt, you little shit, and you damn well better be nice to her from now on. Got it?"

"Let me go, dammit," Daniel seethed, angrier than ever.

Jacob's finger jabbed toward his face. "You'd better find a way to make amends, Daniel."

"I tried already," he shouted back. "She's cut herself off from me. I can't find her."

The Tok'ra's mouth pressed into an angry line. He glared at Daniel. His head dipped and when it came up, his voice had changed, his eyes calm. "You have suffered greatly, Daniel. She will forgive you in time and you must be receptive to her. Please, think about this opportunity. Jacob did not hesitate to offer himself as her host and I would willingly sacrifice my life for hers, as would any of the Tok'ra. We are few now and she is more important to us than you can imagine. Not only because she is a queen. That-" His expression softened into genuine awe. "-is the smallest thing that makes her important to us. She is-"

His mouth worked but no sound came out. His eyes filled and tears rolled unheeded down his cheeks. He smiled, his face alight with joy.

His head dipped and Jacob's hands came up with his chin, wiping his cheeks dry. "This is important, Daniel. Just try. Please. No matter what you said to her, she's busy working on healing you, I can promise you that. Take care of her. She needs you, more than she'll ever let you know."

Jacob swallowed hard and stepped closer, his voice dropping to a hoarse whisper. "I can tell you this, son. Once you've really blended, once she's a part of you, you'd rather die than lose her. I can't imagine living without Selmak. I'm- I'm not lonely anymore."

For a moment, he just stared into Daniel's eyes.

And then he was gone.

With a sigh, the archaeologist closed his eyes and tried again to find his internal roommate.

* * *

Daniel heard the door open and turned his head on the pillow. "Hi, Jack," he said hesitantly. "Haven't seen you in a while. How've you been?"

The colonel sauntered in, passing the nurse on the way out, giving them a few moments alone. Jack's eyes were on the floor, glancing up guiltily as he approached. He toyed with the stool before hauling it up next to the infirmary bed. "Busy," he answered guardedly. "We've been running a lot of missions lately. Saving the world and all that. How're **you** doing?"

Looking down at his hands, neatly arranged on the blankets at his sides, Daniel concentrated. "Watch this," he called. One of his fingers twitched, just the tiniest little movement. He grinned. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Jack should have been beaming and yet he wasn't. "Yeah. That's great, Daniel. I'm happy for ya."

"Which is why you're smiling from ear to ear and doing the Snoopy dance," Daniel returned, frowning. "What's wrong, Jack? I thought you'd be excited. I'm off The Rack and in a real bed. I'm getting better."

"And you've got a snake in your head!" Jack blurted. He turned away and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say that." He sat down on the stool again, his hands still clasping the seat.

Daniel sighed. "Yeah, you did, Jack and yes, I do. But without being reminded, I'd never know I was a host. Haven't heard a peep from her in two weeks."

"It peeps?"

Mouth hitching up on the right side, Daniel sighed wearily. "She, Jack, and no, she doesn't peep. I should be able to talk with her in my head and I can't even tell she's there. I hurt her feelings and now she won't talk to me. She's working her snaky little butt off, trying to fix me and I can't even thank her."

"She's MIA?"

"Oh, she's there, all right. My finger's proof of that," Daniel pouted. "Makes me feel guilty as hell."

"Maybe that's what she wanted in the first place." His sour expression spoke volumes.

Daniel shook his head. "No, she was actually- kind of- nice and I was an ass."

Jack's hands finally let go of the seat beneath his buttocks and dropped into his lap. He made eye contact, his expression wistful and then looked away. "I miss you. Sorry I haven't come to visit more often. It's just- hard."

"I'll be on my feet again soon, I think," Daniel assured him happily. "Back on the team before you know it."

"No, you won't," Jack snapped.

"What?" Alarms went off inside the scientist's head.

"Jacob and his boys are taking you with them tomorrow. You're apparently well enough to join the Tok'ra ranks." Jack was slumped on the stool, staring at the floor, the picture of dejection.

"I don't want to go. I want to stay here. I belong on Earth, Jack. With you."

Jack's eyebrows lifted and he sighed resignedly. "Except you're not just you anymore. You're a Tok'ra and they keep to themselves. So they're takin' ya."

Panic shot through the younger man. He tried to move, to get up, to fling the covers off but only succeeded in twitching a little here and there. "Jack, you can't let them take me. I don't want to go!"

"Well, I don't see any way you can stop 'em, Daniel. They own you now." He got up and slung the stool back in place against the wall, angry now and stomping toward the door.

"Jack, wait!" Daniel called.

He watched those familiar, beloved shoulders disappear through the door and the nurse came back in as the colonel left.

Daniel smacked his head against the pillow in frustration. He knew it was too good to be true. Now it was apparently time to pay the piper for his cure. He just hoped they could locate a secondary host by the time the queen had finished her job.

* * *

Part III

Jacob stepped into the room, his jaw twitching in leashed anger. "I don't suppose you've spoken to her yet?" he asked flatly.

Daniel shook his head. "Still getting the silent treatment." Resentment against the Tok'ra filled him. He watched the two Tok'ra aides preparing the stretcher that they would use to carry him off-world. When they were ready, Dr. Fraiser peeled the blankets off him with a sigh and a frown of disapproval.

Sam and Teal'c were there, brave smiles on their faces but Jack was nowhere to be seen.

A wave of dizziness swept over him as hands slipped beneath his ankles. His head drooped and he felt it come up again. The voice that came out of his mouth was not his own, alien and throaty.

"Do not take us from this place," Meretseger ordered gently. "I beg you, Selmak, my brother. Let us stay."

Jacob offered a polite half bow after the look of surprise left his face. "You know we cannot do that," Selmak returned. "You will be safer with us, my sister."

"My safety is of no concern to me," Meretseger insisted gently. "Daniel's happiness is. He must stay here, with those he loves. Please."

Sadness darkened Jacob's eyes. "I am sorry, my queen. There are- things we must discuss. Things that affect many more than your host and his friends."

The Tok'ra lifted Daniel off the bed and arranged him gently on the stretcher. Janet covered him with the blankets and Sam came to help tuck them in around him. She bent down and placed a kiss on Daniel's forehead, wiping away tears as she came up.

"Get well, Daniel," she whispered.

Janet smiled down at him, her nose crinkling up. "We'll see you soon," she offered hopefully, "and you'll be walking, I'll bet."

Teal'c grasped his hand and gave it a squeeze, the gesture and his eyes saying everything.

Daniel could feel the warmth of the Jaffa's hand pressing against his. He felt a pounding in his head and recognized it was his heartbeat making his pulse increase. He was panicking, helpless.

"Selmak, I beg you," Meretseger cried huskily. "Have mercy on this one, my brother. He needs to be here."

Jacob looked Daniel in the eye. "You have not blended with him, my sister," Selmak intoned. "How can you know what your host needs?"

"He does not wish it and I will not force him," Meretseger declared hotly. "I will not leave him empty when I must sacrifice-"

Daniel felt his mouth stop moving. He saw the accusation in Jacob's eyes, the disapproval and silent rage, his face set, turning away. Leading the way out the door, the Tok'ra aides lifted the stretcher and carried Daniel out of the infirmary.

" 'Bye, Daniel," Sam called softly. "We'll miss you."

He barely heard her. "Jacob," Daniel called, his voice his own again. "What did Meretseger mean? What sacrifice?"

Without breaking stride or looking back, Jacob answered stiffly, "As soon as she's expended the last of her energy making you well, she plans to leave your body, Daniel. She won't have the strength to blend with another host. She's killing herself to help you and staying out of your mind so you won't miss her when she's gone. We need to be someplace where we can at least try to save her. If that's even possible, now."

Daniel's head dropped against the pillow. He stared up at the ceiling as it rolled past his field of vision, unable to believe what he'd just heard. Yet somewhere in his heart, he knew it was the absolute truth.

He closed his eyes, regret stabbing his heart like a hot knife.

"I'm sorry, Meret," he whispered. "God, please talk to me. I'm so sorry."

Something warm and sad blossomed inside him. He hoped. "Meret?"

There was only silence and that bittersweetness that held him so tenderly in its grasp. Daniel resigned himself to his fate, looking for Jack as he glanced at the people they passed in the corridors. The Tok'ra carried him into the gate room, standing near the control room windows while the gate spun up to their destination. From his vantage point Daniel could see upstairs and turned his head to scan the faces looking down on him.

Jack stood beside General Hammond, his face composed into an expressionless mask. Their eyes met and held and there was not a flicker of emotion showing in them. Daniel concluded that whatever Jack might have felt for him once was gone now he was a host. He might one day walk again, might one day have some semblance of a life but it would be existence spent mourning the love of a lifetime, now gone forever.

Daniel aimed his eyes at the ceiling and waited to leave his world and all he loved for what might very well be the last time.

* * *

The sunshine felt warm, relaxing his muscles like melting butter. There were Tok'ra bustling all about the ancient palace, many of its walls crumbling with age. A week earlier, the place had been deserted but upon his arrival at the underground base, the remaining council members decided his recovery would take place faster in pleasant surroundings.

This world had been explored by the SGC and discounted as having nothing useful to offer aside from some interesting and beautifully preserved ruins. The Tok'ra had been there many times since the Tau'ri discovered it and Daniel was enjoying the lovely setting. Several times a day he'd be given massages and taken to a heated pool, where he would be exercised in the water to help preserve muscle tone while his body healed. Gradually he was able to feel more sensation and his limbs became more responsive.

He ate whatever they gave him and did what they told him to do, if he was able. Occasionally one of the council would come to ask him about Meretseger but he had nothing to report. He could barely sense how hard she was working inside him, amazed at the speed of his recovery and the better he got, the worse he felt.

As soon as he was able to sit up by himself, he wrapped up in a blanket and had himself arranged on his bed, legs crossed, hands relaxed in his lap. He closed his eyes and shut out the alien world, diving deeply into his consciousness, determined to make contact. Layer by layer he dug through his mind, seeking that barren inner landscape that he rarely visited, the place where there was no movement, no sound, only stillness.

She was there, struggling to stay alert, weary beyond imagining.

\--Rest, Meret. You need to rest.--

He reached into her. She tried to resist, shutting him out but she was too weak. He slid inside and enveloped her with himself, drawing her into him.

\--Rest, my friend. You've worked very hard. Please, do this for me.--

Grief and sorrow flowed into him, a river of pain filling up his soul.

The depth of her caring for him left him gasping for breath. His body shook as he sought to soothe her. He felt her break, felt her give in to his gentle insistence and she lay still, weeping inside him, exhausted and utterly drained.

\-- I was wrong, Meret. I'd like to get to know you, if you'll let me.--

**Daniel, I cannot. I will rest now because you ask it but I cannot live inside your mind if I am to leave you.**

\--I don't want you to die. If that means you have to stay inside me for a little longer, I'll deal but I don't want you to give your life for me. Your people need you.--

**They will survive without me. They have done so for eons, while I was sleeping in the prison Lord Yu made for me.**

\--That's where you're wrong, Meretseger. Let me show you what's happened since then but first you need to rest. Gather your strength and when you're ready, we'll talk.--

**As you wish, my master.**

Shock skittered through Daniel's mind at that address.

\--I'm not your master, Meret, but I'd like to be your friend.--

She didn't answer. He could sense her easily now, sleeping and vibrating with soul-deep sadness. Never in his life had he imagined one of those things might be so selfless.

That they might care so very much for a human being.

Maybe Jacob had been right. Maybe this Tok'ra was special. He found he really wanted to know if that was true.

Rising up through consciousness, he opened his eyes and found Jacob standing at the end of his bed.

"She's resting," Daniel told him quietly. "God, Jacob. She really was killing herself. She was working herself to death, for me."

Tears filled the old man's eyes and were blinked away. "Yes."

"I want to help her." Daniel looked down at his hands and flexed his fingers, making a loose fist. "Have you located another host yet?"

Jacob's eyes were hard. "Any of us," he snapped. "Pick one."

Shame heated Daniel's face. "That's not what I mean. I don't want anybody to die, here."

"Then you have a decision to make." Jacob started to turn away.

"If I do this-" Daniel felt his insides clench, startled at what he was saying. "-I want to go back to the SGC."

"If you do this," Jacob shot back, "then it won't be just your decision. There are things the Tok'ra need from the Quiet One. We need to open a dialogue with her and you have to be the conduit for that, like it or not. You can either let her do her job and risk her life to give you everything you want, or you can accept the responsibility for your decision and give something back in exchange for the miracle you're getting. The ball's in your court, Daniel. Think about it."

"Jacob." Daniel heard the sharpness in his voice and knew its source. He wasn't angry. He was in anguish.

"There are things you don't understand." He sighed, struggling with how much to say. "I need to be with the Tau'ri. I don't remember being ascended but I'm sure of one thing. I came back because I couldn't do what needed to be done where I was. I- I can't-" He shrugged, unable to get out what he needed so much to say.

Jacob nodded. "I wondered if- maybe- you'd found someone, the way you held on so tightly. The way the Quiet One fought for you to stay." He sighed. "The Tok'ra are a passionate people, Danny; in some ways, even more passionate than we are. I'm sure she understands your needs but there are greater things at stake here. Whole civilisations are at risk and you can fight with the Tok'ra as well as you did with the Tau'ri. Maybe better."

"That's where you're wrong." Daniel met his eyes coolly. "My face is known well enough among the System Lords that I could never infiltrate their ranks like the rest of the Tok'ra do. I'll be more of a hindrance for the Tok'ra than a help. If I'm with the Tau'ri, I can still be effective."

"That's not exactly the issue here, though. Is it?" Jacob cocked his head.

"I can't help it if I'm prejudiced. I swore to myself I'd die before I'd ever volunteer to be a host."

"And I know why, Danny, but you made this decision because you believed she could give you something you wanted more than just living like you were. Now you need to decide whether that gift is worth the life of the person who gave you back your mobility."

Daniel nodded. He bowed his head, swallowing hard. "Then tell the council Meretseger will be staying with me."

With some effort, he managed to lay himself down on the bed. Jacob stepped up and arranged the blankets over him, stroked his hair fondly and stepped away. "Rest well, little brother," he said softly and left the warm, sunny room.

* * *

Falling into the chair pulled out for him, Daniel worked to catch his breath. His legs ached. They were trembling from the effort of the short walk to the council chambers- but they were working again. They were understandably shaky from months of not being used but he was getting stronger by the day. Short walks provided necessary exercise to increase strength and muscle tone and exercise with weights helped his upper body return to fitness.

He smoothed down the tan suede tunic the Tok'ra had provided for him to wear, settled his glasses on the bridge of his nose and made eye contact with each of the council members.

"Greetings to our queen," said Gershon, offering a regal bow of her head.

"Meretseger is pleased to see you all," Daniel told them. "She is saddened by the losses you have experienced and we are eager to help in whatever way we can."

Selmak nodded. "We would speak with her directly, Daniel."

The archaeologist cocked his head. "She chooses to speak through me, Selmak. You know her preference in this matter."

"We would hear her voice on these official matters," Gershon insisted. "Afterward, she may speak through you."

Daniel relaxed inside. A slight wave of dizziness swept through him as Meretseger took control of his body. "Speak, brothers and sisters."

"Your host has informed you of our campaign against the Goa'uld?" asked Per'sus.

Daniel felt his head nodding but he wasn't consciously directing the movement. It felt bizarre.

"Then you know there are few of us left," Gershon added. "We have made alliances with many rebel Jaffa and this has caused a rift of mistrust between the System Lords and their armies. No new Goa'uld young are being born and the Jaffa have turned to preying on each other to acquire symbiotes in order to survive. We are manufacturing Tritonin to help as many as we can to live without them but not all Jaffa can take the drug. We cannot manufacture enough of a supply for everyone who needs it."

"I know. Daniel and I have already discussed this. We are clear on what must happen, if the Jaffa are to survive." Meretseger looked at Jacob. "As you know, Selmak, once a queen reaches maturity, she is fertililzed by any available Goa'uld males. Forever afterward, she may produce young from that single mating. I stand ready to comply, seeded by Ra himself, eons ago."

"Can this be done in the body of a human male?" Selmak asked uncertainly. "We have no memory of this being carried out in such a manner."

Daniel nodded. "It is difficult but it can be done," Meretseger assured him. "The reproductive parts of the human female provide nothing necessary to the process. All that is necessary is collection of the human genetic code to prevent rejection of the host," he smiled, "and we have a solution for that, as well."

Gershon and Selmak exchanged a surprised glance.

"Can Daniel provide the code?"

"Not where I can reach it," Meretseger said with a shake of Daniel's head. "We will need a donor."

Jacob cleared his throat. "Uh-"

Gershon looked startled. "How-"

"Leave that to me," Meretseger told them quietly. "For now, prepare an appropriate environment for spawning my young, someplace where they may be quickly received by needy Jaffa."

"As you wish, my queen," Gershon agreed quickly.

"When I have fulfulled my purpose for the Tok'ra," the symbiote added, "I will make a request of my people. We wish to return to the Tau'ri, if they will accept us among them. It is Daniel's place and the Tau'ri fight well. They will achieve greater things, with our help."

Shock passed through the council.

"We cannot risk your safety!" one of them cried, standing up.

"I will be as safe among them as I might be with any of you," the queen pointed out. "Your most secret places are discovered and destroyed. How can you protect me in this war? It is impossible. Each of us takes risks as we seek to eliminate the Goa'uld threat and the Tau'ri fight with passion. Can any of you deny their successes? Let me choose where I will take my stand, my brothers and sisters. I choose the Tau'ri."

"For your host, no doubt," Gershon snapped. "You care entirely too much for them, my queen."

Daniel smiled. "Perhaps you do not care enough, my sister. Are they not the very ones for whom we fight?"

The Tok'ra council sat in silence. Gershon bowed her head in shame. "It will be done as you wish, my queen."

Inclining his head, Daniel felt Meretseger release control. "You have Jacob to act as your liason to the Tau'ri. Meretseger wishes to act on your behalf in a reciprocal manner with the Tau'ri."

"That will leave her out of the loop on developments in the field," Jacob observed stiffly.

Daniel's smile grew wider. "Then I guess you'll have to work a little harder at including her in your communications relays, huh?" He pursed his lips, brows drawn together in concentration. "Things might be a little different if the Tau'ri actually knew what was going on out there. Maybe they might actually get more done. Hmmm. What a concept." He smiled again. "Anything else? We're pretty tired."

"Thank you, Daniel," Jacob said stiffly. "I think we're about done." He rose as his expression softened. He smiled, colouring slightly. "You sure you're okay with- being a mom?"

A little cough slipped out as Daniel felt himself blushing. "Uh- I hadn't exactly thought about it that way, thanks." He sighed and shrugged. "I just have to think about the Big Picture, Jacob, and the tiny little part I have to play in it. I'll be okay."

Jacob nodded.

Daniel stood up unsteadily, holding onto the table for balance a moment longer before making the short but difficult trek back to his room.

\-- I think we did okay in there, Meretseger.--

He felt her internal smile.

**Yes, Daniel. I believe we did. Sometimes having a little power is a good thing.**

He chuckled softly to himself.

\--Being a queen isn't so bad after all, girlfriend.--

He made his way slowly back toward their room, conversing with her in the quiet of his mind, discussing exactly how they would go about the difficult process of breeding the next generation of Tok'ra symbiotes. He had a lot of questions and she answered them all in fascinating if disgusting detail. When he lay down to rest, he closed his eyes and felt a sense of peace settle over him, such as he had never before experienced.

* * *

Part IV

Jack stood on the ramp in the embarkation room, hands in the pockets of his BDU pants, watching Jacob stride out of the watery event horizon toward him.

"Long time, no see," Jack said casually. "Any word on Daniel?"

"He's fine," Jacob said shortly. He directed his gaze up into the control room above. "The Tok'ra formally request Colonel O'Neill's- uh- services- for a diplomatic mission, General Hammond. I'm afraid I can't give any details, as this will have to be conducted with the utmost secrecy. No mission reports will follow. Do I have authorization for him to accompany me?"

"Let's go to the briefing room and discuss it, Jacob," Hammond shot back.

Minutes later, the three men sat around the big black and red table. "There isn't much I can tell you about this one, George," Jacob said casually. "We need Jack. That's about it."

"And you can't tell me anything about this mission, not even where he's going or who he'll be meeting with?"

"He'll be at one of the rebel Jaffa bases but I'm not at liberty to tell you which." Jacob's gaze slid briefly to Jack's face, then back to the general. "He'll be meeting with Meretseger and Daniel. I can't tell you any more than that; might've said too much already. Just know that we'll take very good care of him and we'll send him back as soon as we can. Maybe a few days."

Hammond looked at Jack.

"I'm good, sir," O'Neill assured him lightly. "It'll be nice to see Daniel. See how he's doing."

"Then you have a go. We're extending a measure of trust here, Jacob. We'd like to see it bear fruit."

Jacob coughed and looked at the table. His face colored. "It will, George, believe me."

"You okay, Jacob?" Jack asked, patting him on the shoulder.

General Carter nodded, collecting himself. "Oh, and George?" he added, looking hard at his old friend. "No debriefing afterward and no questions. Okay? This is between Jack and the Tok'ra and it's of vital importance." He turned to the colonel. "Pack a bag and stop by the armory. I'll be waiting at the Stargate."

It didn't take Jack long to gather the clothes and things he'd need for a short bivouac. He stopped by to let Carter and Teal'c know he'd be gone, then went to the 'gate room. Moments later he stepped out of the wormhole into pouring rain on a forested world, with a tent city not far from the gate. Jaffa were everywhere and among them a handful of surviving Tok'ra moved briskly on business.

There was an air of expectancy in the camp, smiles flashed here and there and hope in many eyes that looked his way. Jaffa bowed to them as they passed and Jacob led him toward an old ruin at the rear of the camp with several Jaffa on guard duty around it. They hurried inside and, stepping into a tiled entryway, Jacob gestured him toward the interior of the building.

Tall columns soared up around them to a vaulted ceiling. Some areas of the roof had big holes in it, through which rain poured and puddled on the mosaic floor. They went up a short flight of steps, down a hallway and stopped before a tall, ornately carved wooden door.

Jacob smiled as he grasped the handle and pushed it open. He did not follow Jack inside but closed the door after him once he'd fully entered the room.

Jack noticed that the room was well furnished. There was a big bed made up with soft-looking linens. The outside wall was arched with more columns, extending beyond where a small balcony overlooked the camp. A few tables were scattered around the room and there was a large desk strewn with books and papers, plus a small laptop computer.

Facing the porch, a lounge chair looked out over the drizzly landscape and Jack could just see the top of Daniel's head over the cushions. He dropped his duffel bag, took the P-90 off his shoulder and set it by the door, then went to have a look at his friend. Edging quietly around the chair, he saw that Daniel was asleep, glasses halfway down his nose, a book tented over his chest, hand still resting against the spine.

He looked good, Jack observed privately. Still a little thin from the immobility but his color was normal. His hair was longer, heading back toward the geek cut. His clothes gave Jack a moment of disapproval, because they were obvously Tok'ra clothes - tan suede leather that clung to his body and brown suede boots that came up to his knees to fit his calves like a glove. The outfit reminded Jack of Martouf, except that it had a deep V-cut on the tunic that showed off an expansive view of Daniel's chest, which was insanely arousing to see. Jack knew the Daniel who had been his friend for so long would be mortified wearing an outfit so revealing and close fitting. The clothes marked him as a Tok'ra, reminding Jack that his friend now had a snake in his head; that this was not the same Daniel he knew and loved.

More than anything else, Jack wanted to see him move.

He stood at the foot of the chaise, his clothes dripping on the floor.

"Daniel."

The man started awake, his whole body jumping.

"Jack! I must've dozed off." He sat up, looking down at the book, marking the page and setting it aside on the floor. He smiled. "It's great to see you again." He reached out with open arms, rising to stand beside the chair.

Jack backed up a step. "Uh, yeah. Great to see you're well, Daniel." He shoved his hands in his pockets and saw Daniel's smile wither.

"Jack?" His arms floated down by his sides.

"Daniel."

"Why don't you want me to touch you?"

Jack pointed to his head, indicating Daniel's guest. "It's not you, Daniel. You know how I feel about those snakes."

"Meretseger is different," Daniel assured him quietly. "She really is, Jack. I want you to get to know her. Please? I think you'll like her."

"No, I won't. She's a snake. That's all I need to know." His eyes swept up and down the other man. "You look good. You're walking. That's a plus."

"Yeah. I'm still a little weak but working on that." Daniel cleared his throat. He put his arms around his ribs and held himself. "Jack, I want to come back to the SGC. I want to rejoin the team."

"I don't think the Tok'ra will want you to do that. They won't let you go and I'm not sure Hammond would trust you not to put their interests first."

"That's part of why you're here, Jack. I want you to get to know Meret so you can vouch for her. Us. I need you to help me get home."

Jack cranked his chin up a little in disbelief, looking down his nose at the shorter man. "Daniel, there's a snake in your head. That makes a difference."

Daniel shook his head. "You won't even know she's there, I promise." His eyes were bright, believing in everything he said. He unfolded his arms and took a step closer. Something in him wilted when Jack stepped away, avoiding his touch. The hurt in his eyes was obvious. "Jack, I just want to hold you. I've missed you more than you can ever know. I just want to touch you."

"I'm wet."

"So change clothes. Or better yet, just get undressed." He smiled hopefully.

"You're not touching me, Daniel. Not with an audience."

"Who's she gonna tell?" He stepped closer and reached for Jack's BDU jacket. He started to unbutton it and pushed it off Jack's shoulders.

When he reached for Jack's pants, the colonel put his hands on Daniel's and stopped him.

"I said no."

Daniel reached up to kiss him.

Jack dodged away. "You are definitely not kissin' me with that thing in you."

"She's not gonna do anything to you," Daniel promised. He threw his arms around Jack's shoulders, holding him still. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Then Daniel laid his cheek against Jack's chest and sighed. "God, I've missed you, Jack."

Unable to stop himself, Jack's arms came up around him. He sagged with relief, the familiar feel of Daniel's body against his own bringing back so many sweet memories. Daniel was well. He could walk again; move on his own. That was priceless and drawing Daniel hard up against him, Jack's hands clutched at that heavily muscled back, those broad shoulders, wider than his own.

"God, Danny," he breathed with relief. "You're okay. You're okay."

Daniel's mouth found his neck, trailing kisses up to his jaw, behind his ear, across his cheek but when those soft lips touched the corner of his own mouth, Jack pushed him away and stepped back, breathless.

"Don't kiss me, dammit," he growled. He turned away, rubbing at his eyes and then at the back of his neck. His emotions were too high and he wasn't thinking straight. He wanted to kiss Daniel. Wanted to hold him and strip him naked and climb inside him but he couldn't. He wasn't just Daniel now.

"Look, we can't do that anymore," rasped Jack. "Not until you get that thing out of you."

Daniel looked lost. "She won't be going to another host, Jack," he said softly. "I've blended with her. It's done."

"Then so are we."

Anger narrowed Daniel's eyes. "You won't even give her a chance, will you?"

"What for? You're a Tok'ra now. I know how they are."

"You're generalizing, Jack. The Tok'ra are not all alike any more than the Jaffa are. Teal'c and Bra'tac are not the same as those other Jaffa out there blindly following their gods, are they?"

"Of course not."

"And I'm not like all the other archaeologists on Earth because I'm the only one you can stand on your team, right?"

"Sinclair's not so bad," returned Jack, lifting his chin and crossing his arms, remembering how he'd hated Daniel's replacement on the team at first. Now he just ignored the man as much a possible. "At least he played football in college."

Jack saw the hurt flash across Daniel's face, vanishing as stubborn anger crowded it out.

"And you're definitely like all the other colonels in the Air Force. Meretseger isn't like other Tok'ra, Jack. She's gentle and sensitive. She's special."

"She's a snake," Jack bit out, his heart hardening against Daniel's passionate argument. "That's all I care to know about her. Just drop it, okay? We are not going to be lovers with that thing in your head. I don't do audiences."

Anguish filled those blue eyes and Daniel turned away, head down, pacing the room. "I kinda thought that might be your stance on this." He sighed and lifted his chin, eyes closed. "So I guess it'll have to be somebody else."

"Somebody else for what?"

Daniel shook his head. "I don't want to think about that now." He cleared his throat and tried to smile. "I'll be here for another week or so, finishing up my recuperation. After that, I'd like to come home." He turned sad eyes to Jack's face. "If you want me back at all."

"I'll talk to Hammond about it, if you're sure that's what you want."

Nodding, Daniel looked down at his feet, thinking. "I'll need you to run interference with the NID. There are things I- we- are willing to give the Tau'ri to keep those bastards at bay. Shields. Ship designs." He looked up, his eyes filled with soul-deep sadness, "but no weapons. I remember the lesson Shifu taught me and there are some lines I won't cross. Not even for my own people."

Daniel looked so damn good in that outfit and Jack's body reacted. He struggled to tamp down his desire. Things were different now and he had to accept that.

"Will you want me on another team, or just at the base doing research?" Daniel didn't look up as he asked the question. "Or would you rather I wasn't there at all?"

"I don't know, Daniel. I wasn't expecting this to come up. I figured you'd be staying with the Tok'ra." Jack's brow furrowed. "Which reminds me, what's up with all the Jaffa here? And apparently happy Jaffa at that."

Daniel shook his head. "You don't need to know about that. You're here to help me negotiate my return to the Tau'ri. If I go back at all."

Jack spread his hands wide. "Why would you want to? I mean, the Tok'ra are all so high and mighty, keepin' everything secret from us because we're too stupid to handle anything dangerous or scary. You're hangin' with the big boys now. Why would you want to settle for us primitives?"

The look Daniel cast his way spoke volumes. Pain and need shone in his eyes. He wanted to be with Jack and that was as simple as it got. Only Jack had told him he didn't want him anymore. "Because I need you, Jack, but if you don't want me there, I'll stay away."

"I don't know if I could handle it," Jack returned honestly.

Daniel nodded. He sighed, his shoulders sagging with that breath. He put his arms around himself again. "Please take some time to think about it, okay? Visit with me for a few days. Get used to each other again." He smiled bravely. "I believe you'll find I'm not as different as you think."

"You are, Daniel."

"I'm ambulatory. That's the only difference."

"Huh?"

"I can walk again," Daniel reiterated. "I have the use of my body again. I'm not a potato anymore. I've got my life back, Jack."

"And a snake in your head. I know what that's like."

Daneil shook his head. "No, I don't think you do. Kanaan didn't really blend with you. You wouldn't let him, any more that I wanted to let Meret in when she first-" He pushed his glasses back up on his nose distractedly, obviously upset by the memories of implantation.

"Why're you still wearin' those things? I thought the snake would've corrected your vision by now."

"I didn't want her to. I'm- I'm comfortable with my glasses. As much of a pain as they are sometimes, they're a part of me." He grinned a little, looking up from beneath his lashes. "The allergies to everything are gone though. **That** was something I could definitely do without."

That look made Jack's pants stand at attention.

Daniel's eyes shifted downward. They moved resolutely back up to his face. "I need you, Jack," he murmured huskily. "I've missed you. Can you honestly say you don't want me anymore?"

Jack could hardly breathe; his desire was so thick in his chest. "No. I do still want you. But not with-"

"I know. That's why I want you to get to know her. Please?"

"I'm not gonna get naked with a snake, Daniel. You're just gonna have to get over me." He hesitated, his throat constricting with emotion. "Just like I have to get over you."

"I can't," Daniel shot back gently. "I'll never feel about anyone else the way I feel about you." He turned away and strolled toward the balcony, not quite stepping out into the rain. "But then, even that doesn't matter anymore. Duty calls."

He cocked his head, as if listening, keeping his back to Jack.

"I know, Meret. I'm sorry, too." His voice was almost lost in a clap of thunder. He hugged himself and sighed again.

"So what's goin' on with the Jaffa down there?" Jack asked, moving up behind him to take in the view.

"Their symbiotes are about to mature. Without new ones or a supply of Tritonin, they'll die. They came here for hope. There's a manufacturing setup in the tunnels below, where the Tok'ra are working on more of the drug."

"Oh." Jack felt the distance between them, not more than two feet apart. It seemed endless. He wanted to cross that chasm somehow. "So, tell me about your- new friend."

Daniel turned slightly, his face radiant with joy. "She's amazing, Jack, very spiritual. Her name is Meretseger. It means, 'She Who Loves Silence.' The Tok'ra call her the Quiet One."

Jack laughed. "And look at who she got stuck with! The biggest chatterbox I know. That's funny, Daniel. True cosmic irony." He clapped his hand on his lover's shoulder.

"Yeah, well, she's very polite, too. Always answers my questions." He pouted just a little.

"I'll bet you've talked her ears off. That is, if she had any ears, they'd be- off."

Jackson shrugged, turning back to the rain. "She's fallen asleep on me a couple of times. Says I tend to ramble."

"Maybe I could like her after all. She gonna come out and say hello?"

"No. She prefers that I speak for her. Doesn't like the sound of the altered voice."

"More points in her favor. Think I'll call her Harpo." Jack clasped his hands behind his back.

"Harpo?"

"Didn't you ever see the Marx brothers?" At the blank look, Jack explained. "Marx brothers? Famous comedy team? Groucho was the one with the big mouth, mustache, cigar. Harpo had the top hat, played the harp... Any of this registering with you?"

Daniel shook his head.

Jack sighed. "You are **so** culture deprived. Harpo did physical comedy; never said a word on film. His brothers did the talking for him but if you watched him, you didn't need a translator. The guy was..." He was rambling and got back to the point. "Anyway, Harpo didn't talk. Your snake doesn't talk and Harpo's a lot shorter and easier to pronunce than Metzger... Messenger... What was her name?" His brows pinched together.

"Meretseger." Daniel frowned.

"Exactly. So- have you told her about me? Does she know we were- you know."

"Intimate? Yes." Daniel was quiet for a moment. "She knows everything I know and vice versa. I've become acquainted with her previous hosts through her memories of them, seen bits of their lives. It feels like I was really there, back in Ra's court, Jack. Living history in my head."

"So she's experienced us- together?" Jack was unsettled by that thought. Embarrassed by it. What they had done together over the past few months was private.

"She thinks it's beautiful." He sighed. He remained still and silent for a minute, head cocked and gaze distant.

"She talkin' to ya?" Jack asked.

"Yes. She's offered to sacrifice herself so you'll want me again. I told her no." He looked down at the floor. "I almost killed her with my selfishness and hatred. Only now I believe she deserves to live and I'm lucky to have her." He paused. "I'm not alone anymore, Jack. I can't tell you how that makes me feel."

"I thought- when we got together-" Jack stopped, swallowing his hurt. What Daniel was talking about was different than what another human being could provide. He remembered enough of Kanaan's presence to understand how someone like Daniel, who felt so alienated from the rest of his kind, could draw comfort from that constant presence- especially if that presence was as pleasant and supportive as he described. Jack couldn't believe that, though. It had to be brainwashing or the snake putting words in Daniel's mouth.

"This is different," Daniel explained.

"I know. I remember Kanaan."

Daniel nodded. "I want to go to bed with you, Jack." He didn't turn around, didn't make eye contact, just continued looking out at the rainy landscape, "but if you can't, I'll understand."

Daniel's face reddened.

"You're blushing," O'Neill said flatly. "What did she say?"

"It doesn't matter." Daniel turned away, head down and returned to the room. "Hungry? It's almost lunchtime."

Jack followed him. There was such an air of sadness about Daniel and it pulled at Jack. "Wait," he called. When Daniel turned Jack gathered the man into his arms, cuddling him beneath his chin. "Don't doubt how I feel about you, Daniel. Not ever."

The younger man's embrace was gentle. "I know, Jack. It's okay."

"I don't want it to be like this between us."

"It doesn't have to be," Daniel offered. "We can go on just as we were. It's entirely up to you."

"I can't. Not with- company."

Daniel eased gently away without a word, without looking back. He led the way downstairs, into a large, airy room in the center of the ruined building. It had been converted to a hospital on one end, with food preparation at the other. Daniel gestured toward the camp kitchen. "You can get something to eat over there. I'll join you in a minute."

Jackson headed for the hospital area, bending over a bed where a Jaffa lay ill. Daniel took the soldier's hand; spoke to him briefly, offering comfort. Daniel was good at that. He patted the man's hand and moved off to visit several other beds where more Jaffa lay, fighting for their lives.

When he started to leave, Jacob caught him by the arm and spoke with him. Both men glanced at Jack and then Daniel looked at the floor and after a moment, shook his head. Jacob touched Daniel's shoulder, offering him comfort. The archaeologist gave him a weak smile of thanks and moved away to join his former C.O. His old friend. His ex-lover.

"What was that about?" Jack demanded.

"It doesn't concern you," Daniel assured him.

"Then why'd you both look at me?"

"Just let it go, Jack. Let's get you something to eat. We can catch up. You can tell me about Sam and Teal'c. I miss them. It'll be good to hear what everyone's been up to while I've been gone."

Jack didn't press the issue since they were in such a public area. He followed Daniel through the chow line and sat down with him at a table, noticing that Daniel got a cup of water and nothing else. They talked companionably during his meal and eventually the rain stopped. They went for a stroll through the muddy camp, still talking about ordinary things. O'Neill still saw the respectful bows aimed their way, pleased to see the Tok'ra and Jaffa getting along with each other. It was heartening.

"What happened here?" he asked as they meandered back toward the ruined building that was now Daniel's home. "Everybody's a little too happy. Somethin's up."

"That's what hope looks like, Jack," Daniel replied enigmatically. He was smiling softly. He looked proud. His eyes were bright as he met Jack's curious gaze. "I'm gonna go up to my room for some rest. I've arranged for you to- um- bunk in with me. If you'd rather have a separate bed, let me know and I'll ask Jacob to set one up for you. Anywhere you want. I'd like for you to be comfortable while you're here."

"You tired? I could come up and talk some more. There's still some stuff I haven't covered. Like Teal'c discovering Internet chat rooms and astrology, the day the food guy in the commissary went nuts and switched the salt and sugar in all the table containers, and of course, Felger's latest fiasco. There's an official list."

"I'm just gonna lie down for a little while and yeah, I'd love for you to tell me about the fun stuff." Daniel led the way up the stairs and into his room, closing the door behind them. He took off his boots and put them neatly by the bed, then stretched out on top of the covers. "You look good, Jack." He put one hand behind his head, letting the other relax over his heart.

"Still trying to pump more iron than Teal'c," Jack confessed. "One of these days, my ego's gonna get me squashed in the weight room."

He saw Daniel smile and started talking, taking a seat on the mattress near the prone man's feet. For a while, he went on about some of the more interesting odd moments at the base and eventually he saw the signals he was looking for - Daniel's eyelids closing slowly and finally drifting shut. Jack kept talking, droning on and on about truly boring stuff - things that even he thought were dreary, until the rhythm of Daniel's breathing and his totally relaxed posture told him that the man wasn't faking. He had fallen asleep.

For just a moment, he paused in his rambling narrative.

"Harpo, are you awake and listening? Can you talk to me without waking him up?"

The voice, though softly whispered, was thoroughly alien, husky, throaty and echoing with unnatural pitches. "Yes, Colonel O'Neill. We may speak privately, if that is what you wish."

"I do." Jack adjusted his seat on the foot of the bed. "How is he, really? Is he okay?"

"He is very sad but his body is recovering. He will be fit again soon and is eager to return to a useful life." Meretseger paused. "He wishes to go home but we will stay away if you cannot be comfortable with- me."

Jack thought about that. "So what is this big deal he won't tell me about?"

"If I told you, I would be betraying his trust in me. I cannot do that."

"If it was in his best interest, you could," Jack returned, keeping his voice soft and quiet. "You can still keep secrets from him. I know that firsthand."

"From your unfortunate experience with Kanaan," the symbiote remembered aloud. "Yes, Daniel has told me about this."

O'Neill frowned. "Something he remembered from when he was all glowy?"

"Sam and Teal'c told him what happened to you, after he returned to material form," Daniel's lips smoothed into a smile. "He is an amazing being, my master, is he not?"

Jack sat up straight, staring at that familiar face with that hideous voice emanating from it. "Master? Where the hell did that come from?"

"I belong to Daniel," she explained patiently. "He belongs to you, body and soul. Therefore, I must submit to you as well, both as commanding officer and-" She fell silent.

"Submit, Harpo?" He rubbed at the back of his neck. "So what's this big secret? I thought he was gonna spill and then somethin' changed his mind."

"It was your answer, before the question was even asked," Meretseger assured him gently. "He hoped you would accept me within him, since he was well again. When you did not- It changed everything. I cannot say more."

"So it's my fault, whatever it is, huh?" He stood up very carefully, so he wouldn't jostle the sleeping man. "Is it something that will hurt him?"

"I will not betray him, colonel. He does not wish you to know."

Jack paced beside the bed, thinking. "Okay, lemme ask you this. If we're out in the field and getting our asses shot off and I order you to get him to safety, would you do it? Even if he wanted to stay with me and take his chances?"

Meretseger pondered that. Daniel's head turned on the pillow. His hand came out from beneath his head and he rolled over onto his side but did not waken. "I do not know. I would urge him to safety but I have never taken control of my host's body and made any of them do anything they did not wish to do."

"Not even to save their lives?" Jack prodded, "and consequently, your own snaky little butt?"

"My host's life is far more important to me than my own but I do not expect you to believe this. Your experiences with my kind would not lead you to trust my words."

"So take this opportunity to build a little trust with me," Jack shot back instantly. "Tell me what Daniel doesn't want me to know. He's trying to spare my feelings at the cost of his own. I know him. I read the signs and I don't want him hurt. You can help me protect him by telling me what he won't."

"He does not wish to be protected, colonel. He is a strong man, a good man. I trust his judgment where you are concerned."

"Oh?" Jack stopped pacing. His eyebrows shot up his forehead. "I know myself way better than he does. I should be the one to make the judgment call here. He's trying to protect me. Isn't that right, Harpo?"

"Yes."

"From what?"

Daniel sighed. He licked his lips and slept on. "He believes knowing the events to come would remove your best choices from you. He has told me you would be manipulated by these events into actions you have already decided against and he does not wish you to be powerless. He is trying to spare you pain, my master."

Jack cocked his head. The only thing he'd decided against was bringing Daniel home. "There has to be something more to it than whether or not I'm comfortable around him, Harpo. Spill."

"That is the essence of why you were brought here," she assured him. "Daniel chose you. You rejected him. Another has been chosen instead. Do not let it concern you."

"Another what?"

Daniel lay silently on the bed, his breathing deep and even. His body twitched, and his hand went automatically to his belly. He moaned softly and grimaced.

Jack's eyes were drawn to Daniel's hand by the movement and as he watched, he saw Daniel's abdomen jiggle slightly. As if something inside him was moving.

Something clicked in Jack's mind; by he shied away from it. **Jaffa in need of new symbiotes. A queen, capable of spawning them and a request for a human male, someone with whom Daniel was comfortable, someone who loved him. He thought about what Carter told him about Hathor, about what she had done to Daniel.**

"Harpo."

"Here, sir."

"He's- pregnant, isn't he? I mean he's got your babies in him. Doesn't he?"

A soft, breathy chuckle was his answer. "He said you were an intelligent man." The smile vanished. "Yes. The Tok'ra and the Jaffa have requested that I- fulfill my biological function on their behalf. To do so, I require human genetic material to ensure the viability of- my children."

"And you want me to code the next generation of Tok'ra poliwogs, is that it?"

"No, my master. **Daniel** wished for you to be the one. You have refused."

Jack felt something dark rising up inside him. "So if I don't do it- someone else will. That's what you both said earlier, that someone else would be chosen. Is that what he didn't want me to know?"

"Yes. He chooses to endure this alone, rather than hurt you. He is a noble man, Colonel O'Neill."

"You two got quite the mutual admiration society goin' there," Jack growled back angrily, "and he's right. I don't have a choice now. There's no goddamn way I'm lettin' somebody he may not even know screw him. He went through that with Hathor and it wrecked him good for a while. I'm not gonna let him suffer like that again."

"Because you care for him," the alien said softly.

"Yes."

"You have never told him so, Colonel O'Neill. He needs to hear the words from you."

Jack scraped his fingers through his hair, pacing the floor. "This sucks," he snarled. "What the hell do I have to do?"

"He knows what must be done. This is a great gift you give him- and also to me. I thank you for your sacrifice and will offer you as much privacy as I can."

"So what do I have to do?" Jack already knew the answer to that. He just wanted the particulars.

"Have intercourse with him."

"And if I can't?"

"Others are waiting."

"Who?"

"That is not your concern."

"It damn sure is!" Jack snapped, standing up.

Daniel's eyes flew open at the noise. "Jack?" His voice was his own. "Who were you shouting-Oh. You were talking to Meret." His eyes glazed over slightly for a moment and then brightened. "Shit. She told you."

"No. I figured it out by myself, thank you," Jack snarled. He started pacing again. "Who's next in line if I can't get it up for a snake?"

Daniel sat up. "That's none of your business."

"You and your snake are both on the same page. Tell me, Daniel. I have a right to know."

"No, you don't," argued Daniel. "If you don't want to do this, you just go home and forget about it." He frowned as he sat up, looking down at his hands again, playing with his fingers. "I'd rather have you do it than anyone else, Jack. I know you- care about me. That'll help."

Jack stopped pacing and just stared down at the man. "Look at me, Daniel." He waited until those azure eyes rolled up to his face. "Do you **want** to do this? I know you think you need to, but do you **want** to?"

A short bitter laugh escaped the archaeologist. "Do I want to do this? Hell, no!" Jackson licked his lips, his burst of humor suddenly gone. He lowered his gaze to the floor. "People's lives are depending on us," he said softly. "I don't have a choice here." He sighed, his shoulders hunched, misery written in every line of his posture. "I want to be with you, Jack, but knowing you don't want me- that's enough. I'd rather it was someone else. I'll get through it."

"That would be rape," Jack stated certainly. "You want someone you don't even know to rape you?"

He saw Daniel's eyes squeeze shut. His face set. Determinedly, he pressed his lips together before he spoke. "That's the way things are but it won't be a stranger."

"Jacob?" Jack guessed.

"He's not too thrilled with the idea, either. In fact, it'll be Selmak doing the- um- donation. Jacob doesn't think he could handle it." He paused. "He's next in line if you pass and it's okay if you do, Jack. I understand."

"Do you really think I'd let anyone else-" Jack grabbed his head and pivoted, putting his back to Daniel. "Shit! We are so fucked with this one."

"Well, not yet."

"Dammit, Daniel!"

The younger man gusted a tense laugh, shaking his head in astonishment. "I know. I'm beginning to wonder if I have some cosmic 'kick me' sign tattooed on my forehead or something. I mean, why does this shit always happen to **me?"**

Jack couldn't look at his friend. He stood with his back to the other man, his insides cramping. "When do we have to do this?"

"Sometime today would be good," Daniel answered dispiritedly, "and then once a day for the next three or four days."

Jack thought his chin actually hit the floor for a moment. He whirled around and stared. "Four or five **times,** Daniel? You only did Hathor once! Why the fuck-"

"She only spawned once." Daniel did not look up. "There are a lot of Jaffa out there who need symbiotes. The Tok'ra can't produce enough Tritonin for all of them."

"So they're making a fucking broodmare out of you? Just keep poppin' 'em out for as long as you can? Jesus H. Christ, Daniel!" Jack grabbed his head again. He pounded the heel of his hand against his forehead in frustration.

"I can't eat while she's spawning," Daniel told him flatly. "In my present condition, I can't go for more than a few days' worth. Then I'll need recovery time but periodically- until we find another solution-" He shrugged, picking at imaginary lint on his clothes.

Jack thought he was going to explode. If he stayed in that room he just might and without a word turned, slamming the door behind him as he left. He stomped down the stairs, looking for something on which to vent his rage and pulling up short, he caught sight of Jacob, pacing slowly near the base of the stairs.

The older man's head came up and he made eye contact. Instantly he took Jack's measure and started toward him. He didn't say a word, just moved past the colonel and continued to make his way upstairs- to Daniel.

Jack caught him by the arm. "You are **not** going in there," he snarled. "Nobody's doing this but me. You got that?"

"We understand," Selmak assured him, pulling himself gently from O'Neill's grasp.

"I just need to let off a little steam first," Jack explained. "I can't tell you how much this fucking pisses me off."

Selmak nodded and posted himself on the stairs. "When will you return?"

Jack just shook his head and weaving his way through the Jaffa in the great room downstairs, stepped out into the rain-freshened air outside. Afternoon was sliding swiftly into early evening and Jack set off at a fast jog through the camp, pushing himself until he was sweating and drained. He walked briskly back to camp to cool down, slowing his pace as he neared the expanse of ruins.

Jacob was waiting for him on the stairs. "Time grows short," he advised gently. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Jack. It matters that you're his friend."

Which simply meant that it would be equally painful for both of them, Jack knew. He started up the stairs, his legs rubbery from the run. He could smell the perspiration on himself and wished he could have a bath first but he didn't think anyone wanted him to wait and he suspected there weren't any shower facilities in that place.

He walked up to the door and raised his hand to knock. Then he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against it, summoning up his strength, locking down his emotions. Shutting down the man was the only way the colonel would be able to get through this- duty. He just hoped Daniel would understand.

He knocked. "You okay in there?"

"I'm ready now," Daniel called back.

Pushing open the door, Jack stepped into the room and closed it quickly behind him. He felt hot and not just from the exercise. Jack was aware that he was blushing, because Jacob and the other Tok'ra knew exactly what was going to happen in this room tonight. He stared at the bed, his mouth going dry.

Daniel knelt in the middle of it, completely naked except for a small piece of cloth draped over his privates. He sat with his head down, just looking at his hands clasped in his lap. He didn't look up when Jack came up to the side of the bed.

"There's some lubricating ointment in that little jar on the nightstand," Daniel said dejectedly.

Looking at the pot, Jack picked it up and set it on the bed near Daniel's left hip. Moving to the foot of the bed, Jack began to undress, leaving his clothes in a neat pile on the floor next to his boots. He started to climb onto the mattress and Daniel's voice carried over his shoulder to Jack in the silence.

"Just sit down and think about- whatever turns you on. Then when you're ready, just tell me and I'll- get into position. You don't have to touch me anywhere that's not necessary."

Jack's dog tags dangled in the air as he shucked off his pants. The motion drew his attention to them and he straightened, looking down at the silver plates winking in the candlelight. He reached down and grasped the chain, lifting the tags off over his head and setting them down on his clothes. This would never be reported but he couldn't in good conscience undertake to have sex with another man with those things on him. He always took them off before he and Daniel had slept together.

He sat down on the foot of the bed, gazing out at the scenery and thought about the first time he and Daniel had been together, after that incident with the aliens hijacking Daniel's mind. Misunderstood memories brought them together and Jack had never been sorry. Sex with Daniel was everything he'd fantasized about and far more.

Catching his slowly awakening erection in his hand, Jack began to stroke himself, pushing his limits, plunging headlong toward completion. He heard the sounds he was making, the whisper of his hand slapping against his thigh and belly, breathless little whimpers of pleasure and tried not to think about the fact that Daniel was there right behind him, listening, waiting. That Daniel was wishing Jack would touch him like that.

Tension mounted. His body proclaimed its need and with a grunt Jack turned around, climbing onto the bed on his knees. He saw Daniel move without being told, bending over and offering himself, already lubricated and ready.

Jack grasped his cock and aimed. His body shuddered with need and revulsion, his mind screaming at him to stop. Clenching his teeth, he pushed.

A soft grunt was the only noise Daniel made but his body bolted away from Jack, tension and pain flattening him against the bed, quivering and panting.

"Shit," Jack panted. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go so fast."

Daniel's voice was husky, thready, filled with emotion. "It's okay, Jack. It's okay."

Jack wanted to touch him all over, to run his hands over that beautiful body, to taste Daniel again but he couldn't. He just wanted to get the job done as quickly as possible and Daniel understood that. He wasn't asking for anything, not a single sign of affection.

Daniel moved back to his knees and Jack pressed into him again, slower this time, gentler. He watched as his cock disappeared into Daniel's ass and closed his eyes when he was fully encased. He felt the sensation of that slick channel all around him, tight and smooth and tried not to think about just how damn good it felt. He withdrew a little, easing back inside slowly and heard himself groan. His hands settled on Daniel's smooth, soft buttocks and Jack saw Daniel put his head down on his arms. He felt his lover trembling and wondered if Daniel was crying.

"Jeez," Jack swore softly. "It's been a long time, Daniel. This feels so-"

"Good," Daniel finished breathlessly, his voice cracking. "I know. Me, too."

"Good." Jack opened his eyes. He looked down at that male body spread out before him, the broad shoulders, the back rippling with muscle, that thick waist and tight ass squeezing him. Heat shot through Jack and he let his hands roam, smoothing over Daniel's back and hips. Jack's breathing sounded harsh in his ears, ragged and strained. He looked down at his cock, watched it slide in and out of that fit, toned- beautiful body and his heart squeezed painfully inside him.

He wanted to see Daniel's face.

"Look at me, Daniel," he whispered hoarsely, clutching at Daniel's hips. He was thrusting faster now, sinking into Daniel's ass all the way to the root.

"I can't," the younger man cried. "Please, Jack. Just do it. Get it over with."

Daniel pushed back against Jack, taking all of him, demanding more. One hand swept underneath him to take hold of his cock, his arm jerking back and forth. Daniel rose up on one hand, muscles bulging as he held their bodies off the bed with one arm, the other frantically moving to bring him to completion.

"Jack, I'm- Ah!" Rhythmic grunts escaped Daniel as he came, ebbing softly into silence. He rolled his hips back, giving Jack greater access.

Daniel's orgasm took Jack's breath away. The sensation of that tight, slick channel squeezing his cock was unbearably good and Jack couldn't hold back. Just as Daniel finished, Jack erupted, a roar of unbridled pleasure ripping out of his throat. He collapsed against Daniel's back, his body shaking and drained.

Slowly, Daniel lowered himself to the bed. He stretched out his legs with Jack's full weight on top of him and when he could manage to control his limbs again, Jack straightened out as well, careful not to disengage his shrinking flesh from Daniel's backside. Jack rested his cheek against Daniel's nape, slowly becoming aware that Daniel was sniffing.

Jack hoisted himself up, bracing his upper body on his elbows. He looked down at his friend's face and saw tears trickling across Daniel's nose. The other man's eyes were closed.

"Hey," Jack called softly, reaching up to wipe those tears away. "You okay, Danny?"

A nod was the only response.

"Want me to get off?"

"You're fine," Daniel whispered shakily. His smile was fleeting, followed by more tears. "We did it."

"Yeah." Reality reared its ugly head and rolling his hips back, Jack withdrew his flaccid member. He moved to hands and knees and backed off, returning to his seat at the foot of the bed. He looked down at himself, slick from sex and remembered his purpose in this mess.

"Jack?"

He didn't answer. Turning his gaze out to the balcony, he saw the sunset coloring the sky with faint traces of yellow and pink. Already a few stars were visible and in another few minutes it would be fully night.

He could feel Daniel moving on the bed behind him, heard him suck in a pained breath between his teeth as he sat down and then left the bed completely. Jack didn't look back. Daniel wandered in front of him a moment later, dressed in some kind of long robe, tied at the waist with a sash. He squatted down on the floor at Jack's feet, looking up into his face.

"Are you okay?"

Jack was at war within himself. They were lovers. Daniel deserved better than this and Jack couldn't give it to him. Not as a Tok'ra.

With a shake of his head, Jack looked at the floor. Accusations reverberated in his soul. He had treated Daniel like a whore.

Daniel gave him a soft, hesitant smile. "I have to go now," he announced quietly. "I'll be gone for- several hours, I guess. There's a basin and some water over there if you want to wash." He glanced toward the items, drawing Jack's gaze with him. "You can go downstairs for something to eat, wander around the camp, get some sleep. Just do whatever you want for a while. I'll see you again tomorrow. Okay?"

For a moment, Jack just looked at him, his mind so clogged with images, recriminations and questions that it was difficult to think. "Where are you going?"

"Downstairs. I- You don't need to go. In fact, I'd rather you didn't." Daniel reached up and touched Jack's face, resting his palm against Jack's cheek. "You were great, Jack. It was- good. Thank you."

Jack just stared at him, wondering why Daniel chose that moment to lie to him. "I used you, Daniel. I didn't do a thing to try to get you to enjoy it. Don't try to make me feel better about this. Okay?"

Daniel's eyes grew haunted. He nodded and rose gingerly. Moments later, he was out the door and gone.

Rising mechanically, Jack made his way to the basin. He poured some water from a large pitcher beside it, soaked a small washcloth and dutifully began to scrub the sweat, lubricant and semen from his body. He felt refreshed after the sponge bath and putting his clothes back on, moved toward the balcony to look out over the camp.

It was a beautiful planet, lush with flowers and exotic looking trees and plants. He could see the Stargate in the distance, lighting up as it activated and began to spin. Jack grabbed his P-90 and headed outside, glad for a distraction that would keep his mind occupied and away from the devastating act that had occurred in that room.

He went to the gate and watched as more Jaffa arrived, eager to join the others. Once they were settled in, Jack headed for the camp kitchen and sat down with some food. He was halfway through his meal when he saw a Tok'ra he recognized coming into the room with a large pot in his arms.

The man headed to the hospital area in the back and as Jack watched, the Tok'ra began to retrieve the mature symbiotes from those Jaffa struggling to stay alive on the beds, replacing them with squealing, squirming babies. Jack tore his gaze away, aiming it at his plate instead.

He knew where those babies originated. Daniel had given birth and now the process had started. Lives were being saved, just as Dr. Jackson predicted and because of Jack's contribution, when these symbiotes matured, they would be perfectly compatible with human hosts.

He got up and stumbled outside, throwing up as soon as he was away from the building.

* * *

Part V

Jack paced the bedroom all night long, waiting to hear some news about Daniel but none came. By mid-morning he was beside himself with worry, determined to find out where his friend was and confirm that Daniel was all right. Just as Jack started for the door, it opened and Daniel strolled inside, still wearing that robe from the previous night.

He smiled softly. He looked tired. "Morning, Jack. Did you sleep well?"

"I didn't sleep at all," Jack shot back. "I was worried about you. Nobody told me anything."

Daniel headed for the basin. He shrugged off the robe and stood naked beside it. Pouring some water, he began to bathe. "I didn't realize you'd be worried. Next time, I'll have someone give you progress reports."

Jack found himself staring. The way Daniel's eyes rolled closed as he felt the cool water running down his skin was sinfully arousing and desire heated Jack's belly. He knew how beautiful Daniel was with all that lovely golden skin, those long, clean limbs and the glorious grace with which he moved. Jack's mouth went dry as he watched Daniel's head tip downward and followed Daniel's gaze to his privates. Jack watched Daniel wash himself, the efficiency of motion, the jostling of that long, soft penis and heavy scrotum. When Daniel reached behind himself, Jack wanted to turn away but he couldn't. Because at that moment, Daniel's eyes met his and he knew that Jack had been watching him. Wanting him.

Daniel knew the hunger was still there and that Jack wasn't going to do anything about it.

O'Neill turned away, stepping out onto the balcony, putting his back to his lover. He braced his arms on the stone railing and looked out at the Stargate, watching the Jaffa whose lives had been saved only hours before start their journey home. It was an important role they were both playing, he told himself. It did need to be done and it was better for Daniel to be done by someone who cared about him. It just wasn't good enough that the one doing the deed had totally ignored Daniel in the process.

"Jack," Daniel called softly. "Come to bed. You're tired and we both need to get some rest."

Dutifully, Jack moved to the lounge chair and stretched out on it. "I'll sleep here," he answered, gentling his voice for his lover. Daniel didn't need to know how this was tearing Jack apart.

A warm hand closed on Jack's shoulder. He looked up into those bluer-than-blue eyes and saw the concern. "I'd rather you slept with me," he breathed. "Please?"

Daniel's fingers closed around Jack's bicep. He pulled gently and Jack felt himself rise in response. He let Daniel lead him over to the bed and watched as Daniel began to undress him. He didn't resist. Numbly, he got between the covers and stretched out on his back. Daniel got in on the other side and snuggled close, his cheek on Jack's shoulder, his left hand on Jack's chest.

In seconds, Daniel was sleeping. Jack couldn't get up without waking him, so he just lay there, staring at the sun-dappled ceiling. Weariness won out and in time, he too closed his eyes and slept.

* * *

"I suppose we should get to it," Daniel suggested, stretching lazily beneath the covers. "Or would you rather get something to eat first? I'll wait here."

"You can't eat?"

Daniel shook his head. "Not until we're done. My digestive tract has been temporarily altered for another use. I can drink water but that's it." He lay propped on one elbow, looking down at his lover. He wanted so desperately to kiss Jack but knew the other man would bolt if he tried it. That hurt tremendously but he accepted it as a consequence of his decision to host Meretseger.

Jack rolled away and got up. "That's just way too much information," he complained. "I'm gonna make a stop by the privy and grab some breakfast, or lunch, from the look of the sunshine out there. I'll be back."

"Sure thing. I'll be ready when you get back."

"No," Jack snapped. "I'm not fucking you like a whore again. Just- Just read or somethin' till I get back."

Daniel's cheeks heated up. He was ashamed of how he'd felt when Jack was taking him last night, ashamed that he'd cried while they were doing it but the way Jack put it just then summed up exactly how it made him feel. Like it was just a fuck. Like Jack could have been anybody. The only thing missing was money on the nightstand.

"Okay," he murmured, sliding beneath the covers again. When Jack was gone, he rose and put on his robe, strolling out onto the balcony to look at the camp. Already many Jaffa had returned home but more were still arriving, coming in search of his children, and finding hope.

**It is a good thing, beloved.**

\-- I know. I'm happy to help. I just wish---

**Perhaps, in time, your lover's feelings will change. Perhaps he will learn to see you without me. I will endeavor to make my presence very small, so that might happen.**

Daniel felt her smile.

\--You're a wonderful friend, Meret. Thank you.--

He sat down at the desk, put on his glasses and began to work, losing track of time once he got into it. The waning light of late afternoon caught his attention, making him realize how much time had passed. Jack had been gone a very long time and Daniel was starting to get worried. He laid his glasses aside, got up and went to the door.

It opened as he reached for the handle and he backed away at the sight of Jack's intense glare, his lips set in a firm, angry line. He slammed the door and advanced on Daniel, grabbing at his robe and pulling Daniel hard up against his uniform. O'Neill's teeth were bared, clenched in fury as he held the archaeologist close.

"Jack?" Daniel was a little spooked by the look in those chocolate brown eyes. His hands fluttered in the air, seeking balance, afraid to touch his lover.

"Why can't that thing go to someone else?" he demanded harshly. "You're well now. Why do you wanna keep it?"

"Her," Daniel corrected, tamping down his rush of fear. This was Jack; Jack wouldn't hurt him. He was just angry at the circumstances. "I told you why. She's staying with me. I want her here."

"You want her more than me?"

Something inside Daniel withered. Anger flashed up in him, hot and intense. "Don't make me choose between you and her, Jack. You're life isn't at stake here. Hers is and I won't kill her. I can't be that selfish. Not even for you." His hands closed over Jack's, intent on making him let go.

Jack flung him backward a little, making Daniel stumble to catch his balance. He was shaking, adrenaline surging through his system. He turned away, devastated at the pain his lover was feeling, enraged that Jack clung so hard to his prejudice. "Jack, just go. Get the hell out. Go back to Earth!" He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold in his anguish and calm his rage.

"I can't, Daniel. I'm not letting anybody rape you."

"It- It's not exactly-"

"Yes. It is. What I did last night was just as bad. Maybe even worse." Jack prowled the room, hands in his hair, head down, mumbling a stream of curses that turned the air blue.

Daniel tried to shrug it off, block it out but Jack's pain went through him like a knife. He held his breath but his emotions were out of control with the stresses of the last few days. He struggled to adjust to the presence of the wriggling creatures within him and it just added to the unstable grip he had on himself. Resentment surfaced suddenly at the unfairness of it all. Daniel stooped to grasp the frame of the chaise and flung it upward and away from him, the chair and cushion bouncing off the floor and wall.

Jack spun around at the noise. Advancing on Daniel, he grabbed the shoulder of his lover's robe, his grip gentler now, and tried to make him turn.

"Don't!" Daniel shouted, pulling out of his grasp. "Just leave me the fuck alone." He tried to walk away to the door but Jack caught him and spun him around. Daniel glared at him, arms wrapped tightly around himself.

"God dammit," Jack breathed softly. His arms came up around the younger man and for a long time, Jack just held him as Daniel slowly relaxed against him. His cheek smoothed over Daniel's hair. He sighed. "I'll try to pretend what I know is happening inside you isn't real, for the next few days. Forgive me if I'm not as happy as I'd like to be that you're well."

"Yeah," Daniel returned bitterly. He let go of his ribs and smoothed his hands up Jack's chest, moving around to his nape. Relief flooded through his body, resignation that this was as good as it was going to get between them. "We'll do anything you want, Jack. We'll pretend it's a vacation."

Jack's hand came up to Daniel's neck, his fingertips stroking over the beating pulse in his throat. Daniel tilted his head, lips parting slightly, hoping for a kiss. His eyes closed as he narrowed the space between them but Jack didn't touch his mouth. Instead, he leaned down and placed a kiss on Daniel's throat, smoothing his lips up to ear and cheek and then pulling away to look into Daniel's eyes.

Daniel felt himself crumbling inside at the anguish in those chocolate brown depths. "I'm sorry," he whispered to those eyes. "I do care about you but I know you don't believe that any more."

Without a word, Jack's hand moved up to his cheek. He captured Daniel's lips with his own, warm and moist and soft and Daniel sighed at the intimacy of the contact. Daniel pressed deeper, teasing Jack's mouth open with his tongue, his body shaking with need. He wanted to be inside Jack, wanted Jack inside him, all passion and fire and thunder. He fumbled with Jack's shirttail, struggling clumsily with hands that wouldn't obey him, his trembling too hard to control. With help he tugged the garment loose from Jack's pants and pulled away just long enough to get it over his lover's head.

Jack reached for his robe, taking it off and tossing it onto the upturned chaise. He looked down and spread his fingers possessively over Daniel's chest while the archaeologist worked feverishly on the buttons on the BDU pants. "Mine," Jack whispered hoarsely.

"Yes, always," Daniel sniffed as he pushed the pants down off Jack's lean hips. "No one but you, Jack." Daniel walked him backward, toward the bed. He pushed on Jack's shoulders, making him sit down on the mattress and started working on the laces of Jack's boots. They were caked with mud from yesterday's rain but Daniel didn't care. He pulled the boots off and draped the socks over them, then finished tugging off Jack's pants.

O'Neill scooted back on the bed, peeling his boxers off as he went and tossing them across the room. He reclined on one elbow, eyes locked with Daniel's as he too climbed onto the bed. He reached out for Daniel and the younger man came eagerly into his grasp.

Daniel carried him down to the mattress with a desperate kiss, his hands touching everything he could reach; articulate fingers describing every ripple of muscle, every ridge of bone. He rediscovered the landscape of his lover's body, imprinting it on his mind. When he could bear to break the kiss, he touched the same places with his lips, kissing and sucking and laving the surface of Jack O'Neill. He devoured the erection standing out from Jack's body, forgetting for a moment that his seed was needed elsewhere.

Jack took Daniel's face in his hands, thrusting gently into his mouth a few times before gently pulling him away. Then it was Jack's turn, exploring Daniel's body with mouth and fingers, stroking and probing, fondling until Daniel was begging for more, writhing beneath Jack's patient, skilled touch. His mouth enveloped Daniel's cock, sucking hard, sliding deeply down his throat.

"Oh oh oh Jack, God!" Daniel thrust against Jack's tongue, his body quivering and wild with need. Daniel reached for Jack's hair, clutching handfuls of the silvery silk, jerking into that sweet, sensitive mouth, crying out as his lover sucked him dry. Daniel collapsed against the sheets, panting to catch his breath.

Jack pushed a pillow beneath Daniel's hips, then prowled up his body and settled over him, reaching onto the nightstand for the lubrication. He kissed Daniel, his mouth flavored with semen and Daniel lay still quivering beneath him. With a whimper, Daniel felt Jack move away, sitting on his knees. He watched hungrily as Jack slicked his cock, handing the jar back to Daniel. Like a predatory beast, O'Neill spread himself over Jackson again, his hand smoothing down between Daniel's legs.

With one finger, Jack breached him. Daniel gasped at the sensation and spread his legs wider, lifting them to give him better access. Jack kissed him, pressing him down into the pillows, possessing him so thoroughly there was no doubt that Daniel belonged to him utterly. Slowly, gently, he stretched Daniel wider, his fingers setting up a rhythm that left the linguist breathless, stupefied and starving.

Without breaking the kiss, Jack moved over him, kneeling between Daniel's spread legs. Jack rose up on one elbow, reaching between them to grasp his erection and guide it in. His eyes grew hard as he slid swiftly inside. "You're mine, Daniel," he growled through clenched teeth. His strokes were deep and sure, growing harder and faster as Jack settled over him. Jack took Daniel's face in his hands, body braced on elbows and knees.

"Yes," Daniel whispered, mesmerized by the territorial glint in his lover's eyes. It drove him crazy when Jack was this way, dominating and fierce. He adored the gentler side, too, when Jack was playful and romantic. He was a many faceted man but few people ever got to see his real depth. This was part of it, this glimpse into Jack's need to own his lover, body and soul. "I'm yours, Jack. Forever."

Jack closed his eyes, a grimace of pain etching into his features. He put his head down, forehead to forehead, and drove deeper, bringing Daniel's hips off the bed with every thrust. Daniel felt his need, his pain and put his arms around Jack's shoulders, his legs locking around Jack's waist, holding him close, whispering against Jack's lips. He lost himself in the act, giving up everything that he was to his lover, pouring himself into the man inside him.

"Daniel, God, I-" Jack panted, his voice ragged and raw with emotion. "-lost you. So broken- couldn't fix you- Daniel-" His arms slid under Daniel's back, fingers clutching at him, digging into his shoulders and then Jack stiffened, shoving himself hard into Daniel's ass as he came.

Daniel couldn't breathe. He held on, hands soothing over Jack's back until the older man relaxed. He rested his head beside Daniel's on the pillow, breath gusting out into his lover's ear as he recovered.

"I'm yours," Daniel murmured again, fingers carding through Jack's hair.

As always, Jack just nodded acknowledgement but did not return the sentiment.

Sorrow glowed inside Daniel like a candle.

**He loves you, Daniel. Do not doubt that. This is simply his way. The words are difficult for him.**

\-- I know, Meret but I would have liked to hear him say them to me just once, when he knew I was awake and listening. Now, that will never happen.--

The warmth of her love enveloped him, offering comfort. He accepted it and tried not to let it hurt when Jack eased off him. A moment later, Jack dropped a kiss on his shoulder but did not meet his eyes.

**It is time, beloved.**

\--I know. I can feel them moving in my belly. Just a couple more days, Meret. Maybe three. There are a lot of Jaffa who need what we can give them.--

**Two days, at most, beloved. Your body grows weaker.**

\--We'll see. I'm used to pushing myself. I'm always stronger than I think I am.--

Daniel sat up slowly on the side of the bed. "I have to go, Jack. I'll see you later."

One brown eye opened to regard him and then it closed and Jack turned over, putting his back to his lover.

Pushing the hurt away, Daniel got to his feet, his ass reminding him how vigorous his lover was. He picked up the robe and slipped into it, then left the room barefoot and made his way through the long complex of ruins to the pool, where Jacob stood expectantly. There were dozens of Jaffa standing around, waiting, watching him as he moved behind a curtain that had been set up to provide him a little privacy. He descended into the water; dark with a nutrient solution the Tok'ra had supplied and felt the faint shimmer of the electrical current necessary for the babies that might remain in the pool for any length of time. Slipping out of his robe, he handed it to Jacob and moved slowly down the steps until he was waist deep. He walked to the side of the pool, just a foot or so and leaned his arms down on the cold, wet rock. Resting his head there, he closed his eyes and waited for the contractions to begin.

* * *

Daniel laid quietly, his head on Jack's furry chest, listening to his lover's heartbeat. "I wanna go home, Jack. Will you be okay with me there? I don't have to be on SG-1." He sighed when there was no answer. "It took me a long time to feel like I belonged anywhere and I miss Earth. I miss all my friends and I think I can do a lot of good at the SGC."

"The Tok'ra won't let you go," Jack argued gently. "You're too valuable to them."

"And they know they can't protect me any better than the Tau'ri," Daniel shot back. "We've already been through this with the council. They've agreed to it- if I'd be welcome there."

"The NID will want more than you're willing to offer."

Daniel rose up and stacked his fists on Jack's chest, resting his chin on top of them. "You can keep me safe, Jack."

He knew exactly what Daniel was asking. O'Neill still wasn't sure he could pass by Daniel's office every day, see him around the base and keep up his emotional defenses. Still, he had no right to deny Daniel his own world, just because Jack O'Neill might not be able to handle being his lover anymore. It wasn't fair.

"Okay. I'll pay a visit to the President. Catch up on old times and buy you a carte blanche."

Daniel smiled. His eyes were happy. "Thanks, Jack." He scooted his body closer, pressing himself against Jack's thigh. His erection made it patently obvious that he was ready for more.

"You sure we ought to be doing this? You look tired and you're white as a sheet."

"This is the last time, Jack. I promise." Daniel's hand smoothed over his belly, squeezing Jack's sleeping cock and bringing it to life. "Unless, when I get home-"

"No," Jack assured him. "This will be the last time, Daniel."

Jackson nodded, his expression sobering. They made love slowly, deliberately, eyes open through every touch, every kiss, watching as if they would never see each other again. Jack's entry was tender and gentle, driven by grief and sorrow rather than the anger and need that had fueled his previous encounters with his lover. He watched as Daniel arched seductively back against the bed. "Feels so good, Jack."

He didn't need any further encouragement. Jack reached for Daniel's cock, gripping it carefully and stroking down its length. Daniel groaned, twisting his body slightly, writhing as Jack started a slow rhythm. Daniel clutched at the pillows and blankets. He tossed his head. He arched and flexed and danced while Jack pumped him with maddening slowness, with his hand and his dick.

"God, Daniel," Jack breathed, consumed by the sight. "You're fucking beautiful." He was losing it, losing control and he didn't care. He was making Daniel feel like that, making him twist and moan. Jack thrust deeper, one hand beneath Daniel's buttocks, holding him up higher, changing the angle to hit his prostate. He worked Daniel's cock harder, faster, gripping tighter and suddenly the younger man's body stiffened, his head thrown back, lifting his torso off the bed. His cock erupted, jets of semen spraying against the wall, the bed, his face and body as he came.

Jack felt the spasms swirling around his cock, pulsing and squeezing, forcing him over the edge. He howled with the release, jamming himself fiercely into Daniel's ass, filling him with his seed. For long breathless moments afterward, Jack just knelt there, eyes closed, absorbing the bliss, listening to Daniel's ragged breathing, feeling his heart beating wherever they touched.

When he was able, he tilted his head down so he could see Daniel.

The archaeologist was splayed out over the bed, apparently unconscious but still breathing.

"Daniel?"

The corners of Jackson's mouth lifted up into a smile. "Wow," he whispered reverently.

"Yeah. I'll agree with that assessment." Jack eased back, ignoring Daniel's whimper of loss as their bodies separated. He lay down beside Daniel, who made room for him and then rolled over to drape his arm over Jack's ribs. Using a corner of the sheet, Jack wiped away the evidence of Daniel's pleasure from his face and body while Daniel just lay still, watching him with love in his eyes. They lay together like that for a long time, Jack feeling himself drifting toward sleep. He reached for his lover, pulling him closer and realized suddenly that Daniel was in distress.

He lay still on the bed, breathing hard and sweating profusely. "Um- Jack- I think you're gonna have to help me downstairs this time." He curled up on his side, arms around his belly, grimacing. "We need to go **now."**

Jumping up, Jack grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Daniel as the man got painfully to his feet. Stepping quickly into his boxers, Jack eyed his lover with a growing sense of alarm. "Hang on, Danny," he called. Racing for the door, he opened it and came back to help support Daniel as he staggered outside, his body bent double with agony.

"Jacob!" Jack shouted. "Need a little help here."

Carter dashed up the stairs, concern in his face. "Holy Hannah! Hang on, Daniel. We'll get you to the pool as quick as we can."

"Pool?" Jack asked.

Jacob turned and shouted behind him. A huge Jaffa hurried up the short flight of stairs. On Jacob's command, the Jaffa scooped Daniel up in his arms and headed off with him. Daniel cried out as soon as the man touched him, his face contorted with pain.

"What's happening?" Jack demanded hotly.

"I told him this was too much," Jacob growled back. "He insisted he could handle it."

"Handle what, dammit? Why's he hurting like that? Was it me?"

"He's giving birth, Jack," Jacob snapped, turning to follow the Jaffa now disappearing into the ruins with his burden. "His body's just about wiped out. I **told **him he wasn't strong enough for another delivery but he wouldn't listen." He muttered in Goa'uld and Jack didn't need a translation to see how worried Jacob was.

The two men hurried through the ruins to what had once been a bathhouse of some kind. A long rectangular pool had been cut into the stone floor. Steam curled up from the dark water, bubbling and swirling before them. It took a moment for Jack to realize that all that motion wasn't caused by jets of steam or bubbles- but by baby symbiotes swimming through the current. He could hear their faint cries as they surfaced, looking for a pouch.

He watched as the Jaffa walked into the water with Daniel in his arms, lowering him into the dark liquid. Daniel tensed up and cried out again, tears streaming from his eyes. The Jaffa laid him gently on his side on the steps, just his head and shoulders out of the water.

Jacob walked into the pool with him, clothes and all. He sat down on the steps behind Daniel, murmuring words of encouragement, stroking Daniel's cheek and hair, worry etching Jacob's face. Daniel stiffened, roaring with effort and then collapsed in Jacob's arms, sobbing.

Jack had been with Sara when Charlie was born. He had seen what a woman went through to push a new life into the world and he recognized those same movements, the same expressions on Daniel's face. Only this wasn't a human life being born - it was hundreds, maybe even thousands of tiny symbiotes being pushed out of Daniel's body and into that pool.

A human male's body was never meant for that kind of labor.

Daniel lay boneless and panting in Jacob's arms, between contractions at that moment.

Jack hurried into the pool on Daniel's other side, where he could see his lover's face. He hoped the panic didn't show in his eyes, or how terrified he was. He kept his voice calm and soft, just as he had done with Sara during Charlie's birth. "It's okay," he whispered, stroking a wet hand through Daniel's hair.

There was such pain in those blue eyes as they rolled slowly open to regard him that it took Jack's breath away.

"Jack," Daniel panted. "Hold me. Just hold me."

Eagerly, gently, O'Neill did, gathering Daniel close, his face tucked into Jack's neck, arms around Daniel's back. Jack rocked him, whispered to him as he felt Daniel stiffen, grunting with effort and Jack stilled. He could feel the expulsion in the current around his legs, little snakelets swimming all around them, bumping up against him, looking for a pouch. Daniel's whimpers were getting weaker and Jack was afraid. He sensed Daniel gathering himself for one more massive push and when it was over, he went limp and silent.

Jack eased him back and saw that Daniel's eyes were closed, his face slack. Instantly, his fingers went to Daniel's throat and he found a weak, thready pulse. He looked up at Jacob. "He's alive but not by much. What now?"

"I think he's done," said Jacob, his expression grave. "Let's get him back to bed. He needs to eat as soon as he's awake." Carter's dark eyes flashed up to Jack's face. **"If** he wakes up."

"Can't you use that healing thingy on him?" Jack demanded.

"His symbiote is already working on him, Jack. She's trying to keep him alive but she's pretty weak, too. We told them this was dangerous." Jacob looked around them. "It was too much."

For the first time, Jack noticed the horde of Jaffa standing around the pool. Some waded in, others had to be carried into the water. Others scooped little symbiotes from the depths and handed them out to still more who stood on the side and carried the wriggling little creatures off to the hospital. Jack never thought about how many Jaffa there were, but they had to number in the hundreds, maybe even thousands and they had all come there, waiting for this - for the Tok'ra queen to produce new symbiotes that would keep them alive.

There must be millions of Jaffa out there who would eventually need symbiotes or Tritonin; far too many to cover with just the drug alone and Daniel had been giving birth to hundreds of these things over the past several days, trying to save the lives of an entire race, all by himself.

But that wasn't exactly true. The symbiote inside him had taken the same risk. They had been partners in this selfless endeavor.

Jack cradled Daniel against his chest. He leaned down and kissed the younger man's hair, then slipped his arms beneath Daniel's legs and hefted him out of the water, soggy blanket and all. Jacob came out with them, pulling the wet blanket off Daniel and replacing it with a warm, dry one, wrapping him up carefully in it.

The big Jaffa returned, holding out his arms to take Daniel.

"I've got him," Jack assured the man. He looked down at that slack face and felt his heart skip a beat. "I've got you, Danny. I'm right here."

He carried his lover up to their room and with Jacob's help, put Daniel to bed.

"I'll bring some food up," the old general announced. "Why don't you get some rest, too?"

Jack stripped off his wet boxers and got under the covers, pulling Daniel up against him, holding him close. "Not till he's had something to eat," said Jack softly. "Not till I know he's gonna be okay."

Jacob's hand was warm as it patted Jack's shoulder in encouragement. "We'll be just outside the door if you need anything." He paused. "Take good care of 'em, Jack. They need you."

"Daniel needs me," O'Neill corrected.

"They're one, Jack," Jacob insisted gently. "His needs are also hers. She loves who he does."

"Anise and Freya might not agree with that," Jack shot back, glaring at the older man.

Jacob's eyes were troubled. "They're not Daniel and Meretseger. You should get to know her, Jack. The Tok'ra are not all like Kanaan."

Jack turned his back to the man at the mention of that name, focusing his attention on his lover. His voice gentled as he spoke, his hand smoothing damp hair away from Daniel's face. "It's over, Danny. You've got to wake up now, eat something. Then you can rest."

Daniel moved slightly but his eyes didn't open.

"That's it, wake up. You've worked really hard and you're starving. You need to eat."

"Jack." Daniel's eyes rolled open and closed again. "Tired. Wanna rest."

"Eat first." A bowl of soup appeared at his elbow and Jack reached for Daniel, pulling him upright against his chest. He grabbed the spoon and dipped up some broth, testing it against his own lips to see that it wasn't too hot before offering it to his lover. "C'mon. Eat."

Dutifully, Daniel obeyed. Jack ended up with a lot of the broth trickling down his chest but when Daniel couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, Jack laid the man down and tucked the covers around him. He looked up into Jacob's eyes gratefully. "Thanks."

"You can get him to do things no one else can, Jack," Jacob reminded him. "He needs you."

Jack pushed the covers off and headed for the basin to clean up, heedless of his nudity. "He's got a symbiote now," he reminded the Tok'ra. "He'll listen to her first."

"Maybe," Jacob returned quietly, "but that doesn't mean Danny doesn't need you, too."

Ignoring the other man, Jack sponged off the soup and went to his duffel bag for some clean shorts.

"Jack, I couldn't have done- what you did with him," Jacob tried again. "It came down to an issue of trust and as distasteful as I'm sure it was for both of you-"

Jack was glad he had his back to the old man, so he couldn't see the ironic smile plastered to his face. Or the grimace of pain that followed it.

"-your friendship is what got him through it. I just hope- it's strong enough to survive this when you both go back home."

"He doesn't come back to Earth till I know he'll be safe from the NID," Jack shot back. "If I can't get the President to protect him, he doesn't set one foot through our Stargate."

Jacob was silent.

Jack turned around to face him. "What?"

"Just how hard do you plan to try?"

Anger shot through him like lightning. "He's still my friend, Jacob. If he wants to be on Earth, I'll do everything in my power to make that happen but I can't- After this- I care about him, Jacob, even though I can't be his friend after this and I sure as hell can't be his lover. We both have to learn to be just Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson again. Like we were in the beginning."

"That's a shame," Jacob observed.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't the one who needed a stud for your broodmare, either." Jack reached into his duffel for a fresh set of BDUs and started putting them on. He glanced up at Jacob, who was looking at Daniel. The Tok'ra's eyes returned accusingly to meet Jack's and then he turned and left the room.

Jack couldn't see Daniel's face from where he stood. He angled closer, moving around to the side of the bed and looked down. Daniel's eyes were open. They shifted to meet Jack's and then closed. Not a flicker of emotion showed on Daniel's face. The hurt had gone terribly deep.

Hurrying over, Jack put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said honestly. "You shouldn't have heard that."

"It's okay, Jack. You're right. Go on back to the base and just- let me know if I can come home. If you can't arrange it, I'll be fine with Jacob." He tucked his chin down, curling in on himself and wrapped his arms around his ribs. His voice had been flat, emotionless.

Jack felt like a heel. He had royally fucked things up this time and couldn't see how it could ever be fixed. He finished dressing, stuffed his dirty clothes into the bag, grabbed his P-90 and left, jogging back to the gate without bothering to say goodbye to anyone.

* * *

Part VI

Two days later, Daniel stepped into the SGC embarkation room, unsure what sort of welcome he would get. General Hammond, Sam, Teal'c, Dr. Fraiser and the entire academic staff stood waiting, some bearing flowers and gifts. It made his heart twinge for a moment and he smiled.

**You are much loved, Daniel.**

There was one face missing from the crowd.

\--Except by the one I wanted most to be here.--

**Give him time, beloved. He must find his own peace with my kind. Perhaps one day you may help him with that.**

"Welcome home, Daniel!" Sam called. She hurried up the ramp and threw her arms around his neck, sniffling against his throat as he embraced her back. "God, you're beautiful! Look at you." She stepped back and let her gaze sweep from boots to face and back. "You look- a hundred percent."

Daniel grinned. "Not quite. Almost there." Catching her hand, he walked her back down to greet the others as the wormhole behind him disengaged. Teal'c merely smiled and crushed Daniel against his chest, General Hammond shaking his hand.

Dr. Fraiser beamed up at him. "Welcome to Earth, Meretseger," she said warmly, "and thank you for helping Daniel. As I'm sure you already know, he's well worth your effort."

Emotion surged up inside Daniel and threatened to overflow. He bent down and hugged her close. "Thanks, Janet. She needed to hear that and she says she agrees, which embarrasses the hell out of me to have to say out loud." He grinned sheepishly as he straightened up.

"I'll expect you in the infirmary shortly," Fraiser told him firmly. "I'll need to check all your vitals and get new readings on you so I'll know what normal looks like now."

"Uh- Meretseger will be taking care of most of what you do now, Janet," declared Daniel, a little alarmed at the prospect of a thorough exam by the good doctor. He knew from experience how very thorough she was. "That's probably not necessary."

She grinned evilly up at him. "On the off chance it is necessary," she reminded him, "I'll need those readings. You take a few minutes to catch up with everybody and then get your butt into my infirmary." Her smile sweetened to saccharine. "Okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Daniel looked up at the general and mouthed, **'save me!'**

Hammond chuckled and shook his head. "You're on your own, son, but I would like a debriefing before you visit the good doctor and as you're not in dire need of her skills, I think this takes precedence." He glanced down at Fraiser, whose eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. "Don't take it personally, doctor. Business before pleasure."

Titters scuttled around the group but instantly stopped when Janet looked for the source. "Very well, general, but I'll remember this when it comes time for your next physical."

"Maybe I'll retire before then," Hammond teased. "Shall we go upstairs, Dr. Jackson?"

The crowd began to break up, everyone seeking to get close enough to shake Daniel's hand or pat his shoulder, handing off bundles of flowers and wrapped packages. He tried to mentally note who gave him what so he could thank them later but things were happening awfully fast and Sam and Teal'c were taking things out of his arms as quickly as they were put in, helping him carry his load. His arms dangled at his sides by the time he reached the foot of the stairs and sat down at the briefing table a few moments later, completely unburdened.

All eyes went to the general. "I'd like to extend formal greetings from the people of Earth to Mer-Mert-" Hammond blushed.

"Meret will do," Daniel told him fondly. "She's pleased to be here. You should be aware, however, that she prefers that I speak for her. I hope you'll be all right with that."

"Of course. We have a written declaration from the President that ensures your safety here, Meret, but I should warn you that there are unscrupulous elements working outside the government that may still pose a threat to you. I would advise you not to leave the base unless you're in the company of security personnel." Hammond frowned. "I cannot tell you how it galls me to have to make that statement to you, especially in light of what you've offered to us."

"We understand, sir," Daniel assured him. "I've already shared my experiences with the NID with Meret. She's well aware of the danger and I suspect we won't be leaving the base except to go off world."

"That would be best," Hammond agreed. He glanced at Carter and Teal'c. "We weren't certain in what capacity you think you might work with us. We'd like more information on what your expectations might be."

Daniel sighed. "Eventually, I'd love to return to field work; however, for the moment, I'd probably better stick to research. I'm still recuperating and will need to do work that's not physically taxing until I'm back a hundred percent."

"Understood. I'd like to get Dr. Fraiser's recommendations on that."

"So- starting with those promises we made, I'll need access to a computer to input the requirements for the shield generators. I'll need to meet with Sam and some of the technical whizzes, maybe some engineers and lay out what it'll take to get that project under way. After that's in process, I'll start working on the **ha'tak** designs, propulsion systems and all. Unless you've made enough strides with the ships you've already engineered to not need that."

Sam smiled at him. "Maybe you could just go over the schematics of our newest designs and see if you can help us with improvements." She dimpled. "God, it's good to have you back, Daniel."

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c.

Daniel eyed him. "You okay with this? With me?"

The Jaffa smiled. "I look forward to getting to know your symbiote, Danieljackson. I have read only good things about her." He inclined his head regally.

"And she's heard only great things about you," promised Daniel with a smile. He sobered, looking down at his hands. "However, there is another issue we need to address." He cleared his throat and met Hammond's eyes. "Um, I'm sure Jack made his excuses about having work to do so he couldn't be here, but- you should all know that he's not taking this too well. His experiences with Kanaan have brought him to the point that- he can't accept me with a symbiote. If you could all help with running interference so we only have to interact on a professional level, I think that would be best."

Hammond's pleasant expression vanished. "Did something happen during Colonel O'Neill's diplomatic mission that I should know about? I know I'm not supposed to ask questions about that meeting but-"

"No, sir. It's just the way Jack feels about symbiotes. He can't just see his friend anymore when he looks at me. He sees a Tok'ra and he doesn't trust me. I- I have to try to give him his space and hope that passes. Nobody should bug him about it or try to get him to change his mind. Okay?"

He eyed Sam and Teal'c. They didn't look too happy about his admission. Teal'c's eyebrow rose as he turned to Major Carter. Her mouth firmed up in a determined frown.

"Look, I can see the signals passing between you," Daniel assured them. "Don't try to fix this. Please. You'll only make it worse."

"Daniel, we have to try," Sam pleaded, reaching out to lay her hand on his forearm.

He looked her straight in the eye. "I'm asking you not to. Please?" He covered her hand with his and gave it a squeeze.

After consideration, she nodded with a defeated sigh. "Okay. I won't say anything to the colonel."

Daniel turned to the Jaffa to extract the same promise.

"As you wish, Danieljackson."

Last of all, he turned to Hammond. "And you, sir? We'll conduct ourselves professionally but that's as far as we can go now. I don't want you to put pressure on him to get past his prejudice against- us."

"If his attitude gets in the way of the business we conduct here at the SGC, you can be damn sure I'll discuss it with him, Dr. Jackson. The Tok'ra are our allies and Colonel O'Neill will treat them accordingly. That also includes you two, especially since you'll be seeing each other on a regular basis. I won't have him making you uncomfortable. Is that clear?"

Daniel's eyes closed. He relaxed and his head came up. The voice was that of the symbiote. "We will treat any personal difficulties with ColonelO'Neill as personal matters, General Hammond, and of no consequence to the SGC. It will be no ill reflection on this organization, I promise you."

"Very well. I sincerely hope that you get these personal issues resolved quickly; I don't like my people having to work in such stressful relationships. I can only see good coming from your presence at Stargate Command, though." Hammond nodded briefly for emphasis. "Let us know what you need and we'll do our best to provide it for you, Meret."

Daniel's head dipped. He reached out on either side and grasped the hands of his teammates, giving them a squeeze. "I have everything I need, right here," he assured the general in his own voice.

Hammond smiled and nodded his approval.

"I guess it's time to go see Janet now," Sam teased and gave him a wink. "I'll carry all your goodies to your quarters. You can look through everything later."

"Much later," Daniel agreed. "I'm pretty tired and by the time Janet's done with me, I'm sure I'll be exhausted." He looked back at the general.

Hammond rose. "Welcome home, Dr. Jackson. We're glad you're well." He smiled. "Dismissed."

Teal'c walked Daniel to the infirmary and he hugged the Jaffa before entering the medical facility. Teal'c caught his arm as he started to pull away and Daniel looked up into the big man's dark eyes. The Jaffa's hands caught Daniel's face and turned his head slightly as Teal'c whispered in his ear.

"I thank the Tok'ra queen for what she has done for my people."

He let go and straightened up, pride gleaming in his eyes.

"Did Jack tell you-?"

"He did not. I knew from the moment we ascertained Meretseger was a queen what her contribution would be." He smiled softly. "And yours, DanielJackson."

"And Jack's," Daniel added in a whisper. "He paid the highest price of all, Teal'c. Don't forget that." He patted the warm hand on his cheek fondly.

Teal'c kissed Daniel's forehead and drew away. He dropped his hands and clasped them behind his back as Daniel turned to go into the infirmary. Daniel didn't see the brown eyes aimed at them from farther down the corridor, didn't see Teal'c meet O'Neill's hard gaze or feel the electricity crackling between them.

The two men turned away from each other, both walking stiffly in opposite directions.

* * *

Daniel yawned as his fingers danced across the keyboard.

**You should rest, beloved.**

\-- I'm fine, Meret. Almost done here and then I'll go to bed, I promise.--

**Did you not tell me this two hours ago?**

\-- I'm on a roll, though. I can't help it. This stuff is just coming out and I need to get it down.--

**It will still be there after you have rested.**

He reached for his coffee and slurped down half the cup, returning to his notes on the shield generator. Another few hours and he'd be ready to turn it over to Sam and the engineers. He heard a noise and glanced up at the door in time to see the flash of BDUs moving out of sight.

Daniel stared at the door. Jack must have been standing there watching him again. He'd taken to doing that, almost stalking Daniel around the base. The man moved so quietly when he wanted that Daniel had no clue he was even there unless he happened to move unexpectedly and catch him. That hovering made Daniel wistful, bringing his longing for Jack to the fore and as always it would take him a little time to recover.

He saved the file and got up, coffee cup in hand, hurrying down the corridor in the hope of catching up without being too obvious about it. His head felt a little light and Daniel realized it was probably his blood sugar plummeting. He'd skipped dinner to keep working, promising Meret to grab something in the commissary at quitting time.

Jack was just stepping into the elevator and Daniel rushed to slide into the car with him, crashing against the back wall just as the doors closed. Leaning against the wall, he straightened and looked down for spilled coffee. There was a puddle of it streaming across the floor and splashed against the back.

"Oops," he said quietly. He smiled up at Jack and then his knees turned to rubber and he sat down in the puddle.

The colonel just looked at him, hands clasped behind his back.

Daniel closed his eyes and fell over on the floor.

He awakened as the elevator doors opened, with Jack squatting down beside him, lightly slapping his face.

"Daniel? You okay?"

It was hard to sit up. Jack had to help him and when he was upright, Daniel felt the lightheadedness turn into dizziness. His mouth began to move under his symbiote's control.

"Daniel has not eaten in too long and is in dire need of rest," Meretseger informed him. "Will you help us to the infirmary, Colonel O'Neill? I do not believe we can make it on our own."

Jack heaved an impatient sigh. "So he's got you roped into his self-destructive habits, now too, eh, Harpo? Can't say I'm surprised."

"He is not self destructive, Colonel," Meret corrected gently. "He simply disregards his body's needs in favor of his mind."

"And you can't control him and make him go eat or go to bed when he needs to?" growled Jack. He pulled the archaeologist to his feet, drawing Daniel's arm over his shoulders and half supporting the man as they exited the car.

Daniel smiled. "I can, yes, but that would be taking away his choice and I will not do that. He is my master, not the other way around and as much as it would benefit him for me to force him to take better care of himself-"

"I get the picture, Harpo." Jack frowned at his companion. "Jeez, even your keeper can't keep you in line. You're hopeless, Dr. Jackson."

Daniel's head bobbed slightly, taking his voice back from the symbiote. "Just a little tired, Jack. I shouldn't be, though. It's only a little after ten."

"Look at your watch," Jack snapped.

With a glance at the chronometer on his wrist, Daniel's eyes widened. "It can't be- four in the morning?" He eyed the colonel. "What are you doing here this late- or early?"

"Colonel stuff," growled O'Neill. He guided them into the infirmary and dumped Daniel unceremoniously on a bed, shouting for the nurses. Glaring at his companion, he added, "It's a good thing Fraiser's at home in bed right now or she'd be ripping you a new one."

"She'd do it surgically," Daniel shot back, "and without anaesthesia, no doubt." He gave a weak smile to the doctor on duty and waved. "Hi, doc. I just need to eat and get some rest but Colonel O'Neill thought I needed to be poked a little first. He was just leaving."

Jack frowned, glared at the doctor for a moment, then pivoted on his heel and left.

**He worries about you.**

\--He shouldn't. I'll be fine. Hell, I'll probably outlive him by a few centuries. I should get over him.--

**You are not the kind of man who gives up on love, sweet Daniel, but you should take better care of yourself.**

\--Yes, Mom.--

Daniel smiled. He enjoyed teasing Meret, talking with her. The constant weight of emptiness that once filled him was gone, now that she was with him. He was never alone, never lonely and her presence helped him survive his grief over Jack but Meret could never take him in human arms and hold him. She could never kiss his lips or make love to him. Daniel needed those things.

He needed them from Jack.

With a sigh, he lay down on the bed and answered the doctor's questions, waited patiently while samples were taken and tests run and by the time the examination was over, Janet Fraiser had arrived. When she was finished with her lecture he was cringing against the pillow, promising to take the day off and just sleep.

She escorted him personally to the commissary and monitored what he put on his tray as he moved through the food line. Several items she put back, removing the pastries and sweets in favor of whole grain breads and fruits. When he sat down at his table she watched him eat and when she was satisfied that he'd consumed enough, she left to return to the infirmary and her rounds.

Half an hour later she came by his office and caught him at his desk. Grabbing him by the ear, she towed the six-foot, one-hundred-eighty-pound archaeologist to his feet and personally escorted him to his quarters. She followed him in and confiscated his laptop and journals, then used his phone to call security and have a guard posted at the door to keep him inside his room. Then she smiled sweetly at him, wishing him pleasant dreams.

With nothing left to do but sleep, Daniel sighed and compared the good doctor to several merciless despots of historical reference and then stretched out on the bed for some rest. The moment his eyes closed, he was asleep. He did not waken for the rest of the day.

* * *

**Where are you, Daniel?**

\--Here, in this bright place.--

He felt happy, at peace. There was so much possibility there and he couldn't wait to get started. The restrictions of a physical body were gone and his mind was free, unfettered. He could look this way and see his friends on Earth, look that way and see Master Bra'tac and Ry'ac. Far in the distance were other lights, others like him, separated from the chaos of life.

He frowned. He didn't understand why they would want to cut themselves off from the living. That was where the action was, where they could do the most good. Daniel turned back to the scene he had just left and already it was changed.

Jack was on a distant world. He was sick, his spirit fading, his light going out. Another light joined his, poured energy into him and in time Jack healed. Daniel hovered closer, listening, learning. He grieved, certain this blending would not end well. Jack was fighting it and Kanaan was obstinate. Finally, the symbiote simply took control.

Daniel watched his friend die, over and over. He tried to help, tried to show Jack the way but that was not the path for a man like him. Jack wasn't ready and Kanaan's betrayal made him even more resistant to Daniel's gentle words. Something else was needed; a whispered idea in the quiet of meditation, then none of the Others would know what he had done.

He knew the rules. Oma told him he could not interfere. After Jack returned home, Daniel had gone to her and tried to reason with her. She spoke in platitudes and koans but would move no closer to involving herself in the plight of humanity or the small-scale troubles of his friends. Daniel kept watch over Teal'c, offering support in his dreams and after that, Daniel began exploring, hunting the Goa'uld and listening to their plans. He went to Oma once again, begging her to help but she was even firmer.

This time, he was able to sense her fear. Something out there frightened her but Daniel didn't care to sift through the riddles she threw at him. He could see where these events were heading and knew something had to be done. No one could - or would - do it but him.

He took the chance, dropping in on Jack in that elevator. Events moved quickly after that, escalating beyond the comfort level of the Others. Daniel was dragging the Ancients into the war, whether they wanted to go or not. He didn't understand what the danger was fully until he looked Anubis in the face.

Anubis was still partially Ascended. Not only that, he had a connection to the Others. If they destroyed him, they would destroy themselves as well. When Anubis threatened Abydos, Daniel still didn't know that. He would have sacrificed his own life to save his adopted people. He would have sacrificed all of the Ancients to keep them safe.

The Ascended, however, had other ideas. They gave him a choice. Descend and risk death as a mortal again or be sent to oblivion. They were looking to save their own ethereal asses and the rest of the universe could go to hell.

Daniel made his choice. Part of the penalty had been his loss of self. The Others didn't count on the strength of Daniel's passions, though. The fire that burned within him gradually consumed the barrier they built between him and his memories and now that he had new strength to draw on, he was getting it back.

**This is dangerous, beloved. You were not meant to have this knowledge, not as a man.**

Daniel opened his eyes to the darkened room. "I don't have it all, Meret. I have my experiences." He groaned. "Things I wish I hadn't remembered."

Jack, pale and still, lying in that isolation chamber. Opening his mouth to accept the symbiote, Kanaan. Tears streaming across his temples as he did it.

"God, he so didn't want to do that."

**Neither did you.**

"I'm sorry. I hurt you so much, Meret, and you've been nothing but wonderful to me." Daniel smiled. "Am I making it up to you?"

**You should take better care of yourself. You push yourself too hard. Even now you need more rest, as do I.**

"I feel fine," Daniel assured her. "I ate. I rested. Now I'm ready to work." He got up, shaking off the sensation of weariness that clung to his consciousness. He grabbed fresh clothes and headed for the showers, ready to start on a new day and hopefully finish up the first part of the project that would keep Earth safe from Goa'uld weapons.

He did not notice that Meret remained silent for the remainder of the day, or how deep the weariness went inside him. He was accustomed to ignoring such things and never considered that the energy that now kept him going was not his own. The symbiote kept such things from him, understanding his need to accomplish, to protect his people. This made him feel fulfilled, useful and she knew how important that was to Daniel Jackson. He needed that sense of purpose. Without it, he would die.

* * *

Jack watched Daniel rub his red-rimmed eyes and try to focus on the printout.

"The problem is the power supply," Daniel explained to the group. He pointed at the generator in the diagram as Carter leaned closer. "We need to refine the naquadah to liquid form, just like we use in the staff weapons. I can start working on the process notes after we finish the briefing. Sam, can you take care of the engineering revisions?"

"Sure, Daniel," Carter shot back, her eyes still on the drawings. "Don't you think we should shorten the intake here, though? That's going to produce a lot of residual heat and we'll need to keep it cool. Maybe if we added a refrigeration chamber around that section, it can keep the temperature out of the red."

Daniel squinted at the drawings. "Um, yeah. If workmen have to get into that area, they'd fry. Good thinking, Sam."

She pulled the drawings out from under his hand and started sketching in revisions.

Jack ignored the technical talk, trying to concentrate on why he'd been called to the briefing. His questions about the shield generators were answered as they came up and now all he could see was how tired Daniel looked. That pissed the colonel off even further at the snake in his former lover's head. It ought to be taking better care of him.

Minutes later, General Hammond dismissed everyone and Jack gathered up his things, heading out of the room, down the stairs toward his office. He heard the rustle of papers behind him, hurried footsteps and a strident call from Daniel. Jack kept walking.

"Jack, wait up! I need to talk to you." Daniel sounded like he was still rolling plans up, stuffing things under his arms and about to drop it all.

O'Neill didn't look, didn't stop, didn't slow down. He made his way to the elevator and punched the button for the proper floor, waiting for the doors to close. Once again, Daniel crashed into the car, barely making it before he was shut out.

"It wouldn't kill you to hold the doors open for me," Daniel growled, composing himself.

"You could take the next one," Jack answered, keeping his eyes to the front of the car.

Daniel sighed angrily. "Look, we need to talk, Jack. I've been- remembering things."

"Good for you," said Jack flatly. The doors opened and he stepped out, striding purposefully to his office. He shut the door behind himself and took a seat at the desk.

The door opened and closed again. Daniel took a seat in the guest chair, stowing his materials in his lap. "Look, we need to talk. I know you don't want to hear about this but I- I need to tell you."

"Tell it to the chaplain," Jack shot back, opening a file drawer. "He's always good for confessions."

"I was there when they gave you Kanaan."

Jack froze. Something inside him tensed. He raised his eyes to the man seated across from him. "So? You were there when Baal was torturing me, too and I don't recall you doing a goddamn thing to help."

"No, you don't, but I did. I broke the rules for you, Jack. Like I always do." Daniel's eyes were intense, deep sapphire rather than their usual pale blue.

Turning back to searching for the necessary file, Jack responded without emotion. "I know how I got home. My **team** came up with something."

"Teal'c got the idea during meditation," Daniel returned quietly. "Guess who put it there?"

Jack turned that idea over in his mind. "So what? A whisper here and there and nobody will notice."

"That's right, Jack," Daniel assured him. "I was trying not to rock the boat, trying to learn the rules and figure out which ones I could break and just how much I could push the envelope before somebody noticed. By the time you got to Abydos, I'd had enough of the hands-off policy. I couldn't just stand by and watch while Anubis destroyed an entire civililsation. I still didn't get what was going on with the Ancients but when I went after Anubis, I found out. I remember, Jack. All of it! Everything that happened."

O'Neill frowned. "I don't see you throwing any lightning bolts around."

"I don't have the powers or the knowledge," Daniel clarified, "but I remember events. I chose to come back. I chose to be here, where I could make a difference." He sighed, sitting back in the chair, his eyes going bleak. "I came back to be with you."

"We weren't involved then," Jack reminded him softly, a spear of regret shooting through him. He tucked his heart away, still spasming with pain. "Hell, it never would have happened at all if your memory hadn't been so full of holes."

He remembered that night Daniel had come to his house to talk. The archaeologist recalled a string of moments when they had been close - when Jack had cared for him after that disastrous sarcophagus addiction, when Jack held him in the padded room - and assumed that they had been lovers. When Jack told him the truth, that it had only been Jack's deep affection for Daniel; the confession became the kindling that started the fire burning between them. They had touched as lovers that night for the first time and now, just a few months down the road, they were back to square one because of a Goa'uld booby trap.

"It was an unexpected fortune, Jack. I was never sorry I misunderstood. All I could see in those memories was how much you- cared."

Daniel danced around that word lightly. Jack fidgeted in his chair. He looked away.

The archaeologist looked down at his hands, tented over his lap. "I was **there,** Jack. I saw what happened between you and Kanaan." He closed his eyes. "I could **hear** you. I don't know how, but I could and I think we should talk about it."

"No."

"Jack-"

"Get out of my office, Dr. Jackson," he growled. "I will not discuss personal matters with you."

Daniel didn't look up. He simply rose slowly from his chair, smoothed his pants down self-consciously and walked to the door. An instant later, it closed behind him without a sound.

Jack grabbed the In and Out trays on his desk and flung them across the room, scattering a shower of papers. "Fuck!" he shouted, scraping a hand through his hair. He got up and paced, struggling to get his temper under control. He hated this, hated how he was treating Daniel but he couldn't get past the fact that there was an alien in Daniel's head, spying on them, listening to everything they said, sharing in every touch. Because of that **thing,** he couldn't be with the man he craved and it was tearing Jack apart.

As long as he didn't see Daniel, he was fine. Meetings were tough but he got through them. This, however, went too far over the line. He'd just have to make sure Daniel didn't corner him again.

* * *

Part VI

The summons came through the gate, late at night. Daniel's phone rang and he groped for it in the dark. "Hello?" he breathed heavily, looking for his bedside clock. "I'll be right there."

He switched on the lamp and fumbled for his robe, not bothering to dress. His T-shirt and pajama bottoms would be decent enough with the robe over them. Stepping into slippers, he reached for his glasses and put them on, leaving the lamp burning as he headed for the gateroom.

The wormhole was activated and the iris was still in place when he got there. He looked about for the officer in charge of the night shift and saw Colonel Edwards give him a nod. "What's up, colonel?"

"Message from the Tok'ra," Edwards answered, jerking his chin toward the gate. "They're asking for Meretseger."

Daniel faced the gate and leaned down toward the microphone at the technician's terminal. "Meretseger of the Tok'ra here," he called in his own voice. "Who has called us?"

"Jodesh of the Tok'ra, my queen," answered a throaty alien voice. "We require your services in negotiating the release of some of our people."

"What happened?" Daniel shot a glance at Edwards.

"Selmak infiltrated one of Morrigan's camps," the voice replied. "He instigated a revolt among her Jaffa and the ship in which they fled after the uprising was fired upon. They were taken prisoner by aliens on the planet where they landed. These people, the Zilchoz, have sent us one of their officials to negotiate the release of our people but they will only entreat with our queen."

Daniel felt himself blushing at the title. "Um, do we know anything about these aliens?"

"Theirs is a society dominated by strict social rules. We have only a little time to learn the protocols and begin the process. If we do not comply, Selmak and the Jaffa will be killed."

"Well, that sort of puts a damper on things," Daniel snarked. He turned to Edwards. "You wanna call General Hammond?"

Edwards nodded and moved away to a phone.

Leaning back over the microphone, Daniel asked, "How much time do we have?"

"Two weeks, by your reckoning," answered Jodesh, "but part of that will be spent in transit. The Zilchoz have no Stargate. You will need to meet us at the coordinates we will supply and travel by ship to their world. Their ambassador will teach you basic protocols on the way."

"Understood. Is there anything else we need to know?"

"You will be permitted a personal guard but no more than five persons. The Zilchoz are not human and their customs and language will take some study. The message we received was from Selmak. The Zilchoz are having difficulty communicating with our people and Selmak had to relay the message to us for them."

"Any information on their technical capabilities, weapons, that sort of thing?" Daniel eyed Edwards, who gave him a thumbs-up.

"Their planet is protected by sophisticated shields," Jodesh returned. "We have not been able to penetrate them with our scanning devices."

"So we're going in blind," Daniel summed up. "Give us a few hours to prepare. Send the meeting coordinates and we'll be there as soon as we can. Meretseger out."

Daniel straightened and sighed. He waited till Edwards was off the phone before speaking to him. "I'll go shower and get packed. What did Hammond say?"

"He wants SG-1 at your back," the colonel advised him. "I'll be calling them up in a minute. Should have everybody ready in an hour."

Flexing a polite smile, Daniel nodded acquiescence. It would do him no good to argue the general's choice for his bodyguards. SG-1 was the best and the Tok'ra would expect nothing less. He padded off to his room for fresh clothes and then hit the showers to try to wake up and make himself presentable. As he dressed in the Tok'ra suedes, he wished he was putting on BDUs instead. It would make him feel like he belonged if he could wear those clothes again but he was supposed to stand out for this mission.

**We will do our best.** Meretseger's inner voice was calm and soothing. **We will bring them back, beloved.**

\--We'll try, anyway. There's always a chance that something could go wrong and we could all be killed. Especially if I screw up. I've done it before.--

**Not intentionally, Daniel. Everyone makes mistakes.**

\--Sometimes you can't afford to do that, babe. I hope this isn't one of them.--

He finished his grooming, packed a bag with necessities for the two-week trip and headed for the briefing room. Hammond and the rest of the team would be arriving soon and he'd need to give them the scoop on what they knew. What they didn't know, however, was what bothered him the most.

* * *

Daniel sat perfectly still on his knees, hands on his thighs, gazing up at the creature towering over him. It looked like a nightmarish combination of caterpillar and newt, with smooth, velvety skin of a dark charcoal gray streaked with black. Four tiny, beady blue eyes looked out at him from the Zilchoz queen's broad, flat head. Four jointed arms ending with four-fingered hands jutted out from the creature's upper body, the hands with opposable thumbs. Dozens of short but nimble legs carried it along and a thick, gray-furred tail extended from the back of its abdomen. The front third of the queen's body stood upright, fully eight feet tall, while the rest of it lay in repose on cushions, stubby legs tucked beneath it.

Jackson had spent the last week doing his best to learn the creatures' language and customs but there were so many variations and the rules of movement were so strict that he knew it would take him years to be able to communicate effectively. Day by day he sat with the Zilchoz queen and struggled to talk and at the end of each session the situation looked more and more bleak. He was certain the Zilchoz thought humans were ignorant barbarians.

After what he thought were the appropriate gestures on his part, the Zilchoz queen whose name he couldn't pronounce bowed his dismissal. Daniel rose from his cushion and backed out of the audience room. The doors closed automatically and he spun around to find Jack standing guard, P-90 cuddled up against his body.

The colonel eyed him coolly. "How'd it go?"

Blowing out a breath Daniel hadn't realized he'd been holding, he shook his head. "Same as yesterday and the day before that. I'm going to see their ambassador, see if I can learn more. Maybe that'll help."

"When was the last time you slept?"

Daniel shrugged off the question and headed down the gleaming stone hallway to the ambassador's quarters.

Jack's hand caught at his sleeve. "Answer me, dammit. You're dead on your feet."

"I can sleep on the way home," Daniel shot back angrily. He shook himself loose from Jack's grasp and stomped faster, putting some distance between himself and O'Neill. He was tired; desperately so and knew he was putting a strain on himself and Meret but this was important. Jacob and eighteen Jaffa were counting on him.

"Daniel!" Jack shouted.

The archaeologist ignored him, careening into the ambassador's chambers and coming to a full stop, trying desperately to remember the movements that had to precede his request.

A human hand roughly grabbed his arm and spun him around. Jack bent down into his face, brown eyes flashing with rage. "Harpo," he growled, "remember that conversation we had a while back? About getting our asses shot off? I'm **ordering** you to make him rest for his own good and the good of the people he's tryin' to help."

Distorientation clouded Daniel's mind for a moment and he felt himself bowing slightly. "As you wish, Colonel O'Neill," Meretseger answered aloud. "Though I do not wish to take control from my host, I believe you have his well-being in mind. I will make him comply, because you asked it." Daniel smiled. "Because you asked it of **me."**

The body moved smoothly under the symbiote's control and though he tried desperately to fight it, Daniel could not make it do as he wanted.

\--Dammit, Meret! Let me go! I can rest later, and I will, I promise.--

**You do not listen often enough, beloved. Our master is right. Rest and you will make better progress. We are both weary.**

Fuming internally, Daniel resigned himself to the fact that he had lost control. Ten minutes later he lay stretched out on the cushions the aliens provided him for a bed, closed his eyes and was instantly asleep. He did not waken until late the following day.

Opening his eyes, he stretched and reached down to scratch his balls. He yawned and looked around, finding a pair of brown eyes fixed on him, watching as he sat up, naked beneath the blankets. Daniel preferred to sleep clothed, in sweats or pajamas but Meretseger had a fondness for nudity under the covers, enjoying the feel of bed linens shifting against Daniel's skin as they slept. She had apparently undressed him sometime during the night.

Wrapping a blanket around his waist, Daniel got to his feet and stumbled wearily into the bathroom attached to his quarters. Accommodations had been made for human physiology, since the Zilchoz had far different physical requirements and they neither bathed nor slept. He washed in the facilities provided for him and dressed before returning to the bedroom.

"Thanks, Harpo," Jack said, a current of tension in his voice. His eyes were hard.

"She's turning into my mom," Daniel grumbled. "I felt like I'd been sent to my room last night."

"For about thirty seconds," Jack shot back. "You went down like concrete blocks in a diving pool." He rubbed at the back of his neck with one black-gloved hand. "Listen, Daniel, I'm sorry. I know how that felt, losing control like that. Scares the hell outta you when you can't make your own body obey you."

Daniel stopped combing his hair and glanced up at the other man. The anger was gone from Jack's eyes, leaving them hollow, haunted. "Why don't you tell me about it?" Daniel's voice was gentle, understanding what a priceless opportunity had just been opened to him. He came close, slipping his glasses on and sitting down beside Jack on the stack of cushions he was using for a chair.

Jack looked off in the distance, not really focusing on anything, his vision turned inward. "I don't have to tell you," Jack said quietly. "You were there, remember? You already know what happened."

"You still need to tell me about it," Daniel insisted. He put his hand on Jack's knee, squeezing slightly, offering comfort.

O'Neill's head jerked to face him, eyes suddenly blazing with fury. "You want to hear how that worm used his girlfriend to get the scoop on Baal?" Jack snapped. "You want to hear how I got to share his memories of seducing that poor innocent girl and then leaving her behind like a used condom? " Jack shoved Daniel's hand off him and stood up, starting to pace, staring at the floor. "You want to know what a raw deal I got with that soulless little bastard? Kanaan didn't give a damn about anybody he hurt along the way, as long as Tok'ra objectives were met. That's what kind of people these snakes are, Daniel. I should've done what you asked, saved you from having one of those things put in you. I'd rather see you-"

Jack's face went white. He stopped short and turned to make eye contact. His breaths were shallow and there was fear in his eyes now. Fear that he'd said too much, already knowing he had.

Daniel put his head down, looking at the floor, his soul ripping to shreds inside him. Very slowly he got up, tugging his suede tunic down into place. "You'd rather see me dead than a host," he finished for the other man. Daniel nodded. The pain inside him was dying, vanishing quickly, leaving only gnawing emptiness in its wake. "I can understand that, Jack. I guess I just really wanted to live. What an irony." He absently traced his fingers delicately over one of the seams in his clothes.

He turned and left the room, with Jack hot on his heels.

"I shouldn't have said that," Jack blurted. "I didn't mean it. You know I didn't."

"That's just it, Jack. I know you did. Maybe you should've killed me. You'd have spared me-" He smiled bitterly and shook his head. Daniel took a deep breath, steeling himself. He lifted his chin and clasped his hands behind his back as he padded quietly to the ambassador's chambers.

There was only duty now, and a vast chasm cracking open in his soul. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered but the duty before him.

**Daniel?**

\--Take control, Meret. Please. I need to- go away for a little while.--

**As you wish, beloved.**

"Daniel, wait." Jack's hands caught at him. "Talk to me."

"He cannot," Meretseger answered. "His pain is too deep, my master. He needs time to recover."

Jack's shoulders sagged. "Jesus." He drew a ragged breath. "Help him, Harpo. Please? Fix it. I didn't mean to hurt him. I never do. I'm- I'm just so fucking bad at this emotional stuff."

Daniel smiled and raised one hand to tenderly cup Jack's cheek. "I cannot 'fix' him, beloved, but it matters that you care. He knows you do." The Tok'ra looked longingly into Jack's eyes and then stepped resolutely away.

Carter, Teal'c and Dr. Sinclair, Daniel's replacement on SG-1, were coming up the hallway to meet them. Jack schooled his face to show nothing of the war going on inside him and followed Daniel into the spacious room.

* * *

Progress, at last, Daniel thought as he knelt on the cushions before the Zilchoz queen. The alien scientists had put their minds and technology to the task of bridging the communication gap and at some point during the night they perfected a device that might facilitate conversation. Daniel was eager to try it and after a few experimental attempts, the ambassador declared it reasonably successful. There was still difficulty with a few concepts but for the most part, it worked. Encased in the field generated by a disk on which he stood, he could hear the creatures responses translated into English and everyone outside saw and heard Daniel in the holographic form of a Zilchoz, making the appropriate gestures to accompany the spoken sounds.

"We extend greetings to you from the people of Earth and from the Tok'ra," Daniel told the queen formally.

"We greet you as well, Doctordanieljacksonandmeretseger. You have a long name."

Daniel smiled. "We don't use all of it and actually, I am two beings. One is Daniel; the other is Meretseger. You may address either or both of us as it pleases you, great queen."

"Two beings, yes," the queen agreed. "It was this duality that gave us such difficulty in reading your thoughts. Not all of you have this. Comparing the simpler beings who are your guards helped us devise a way to communicate with you."

A quiver of alarm went through him. "You read our thoughts?"

"To discover a way to communicate, yes. You are interesting creatures. Volatile. Are you prone to war?"

Daniel cleared his throat nervously, drawing his mind back to the task at hand. "Yes, unfortunately. We are people of great passion, both human and Tok'ra. We are fighting a war with another race, the Goa'uld, even now. It has been going on for many thousands of years."

"Tell us of these Goa'uld." The queen's head came down, closer, signifying interest.

"They are like the Tok'ra in form but not in mind. They seek only to conquer, to pose as gods and crush others beneath them. They take my people and other races as hosts, using their bodies as their own, without regard to the person within. It is a living death."

"Yet you have a similar being within you?" The queen's head did a little shimmy of curiosity.

"I invited Meretseger into my body," Daniel explained. "She healed me of a grave injury and we have become friends. I cannot imagine living without her."

"Does she feel the same way about you?" The Zilchoz's hands were working; making gestures that did not translate. Other Zilchoz in the audience chamber left the room in response.

"Her people live far longer than mine," Daniel told her. "When I am too old to carry her, she will leave my body for another, younger host, if one is available."

"And if not?"

"Then she will die with me. She cannot live for long outside a host body."

"Meretseger is a queen? Mother of her race?"

Daniel nodded. "We have already given birth to another generation of Tok'ra. Her people were almost extinct until she was discovered not long ago, sealed in a prison made for her by the Goa'uld. A prison of eternal sleep." The alien didn't need to know that Meretseger was the last queen of her race.

The Zilchoz straightened. Its body quivered oddly. "This is like death, this sleep?"

"It has been called 'the little death' by my people. It is necessary for us. We must rest mind and body periodically, or we will die." Daniel needed to steer the conversation back to the hostages and hoped he wasn't breaking protocol. "Time grows short for our friends, great queen. May we discuss the terms of their release?"

"What guarantees can you give the Zilchoz that you will not make war on us?"

"We prefer peace, when that is possible. When we are threatened, we fight. That is our way."

"Do we threaten you, Daniel?"

"You hold the lives of our people in your hands. Should they die, we would feel threatened. Should they be free to go, we would open the doors of friendship to you and seek to become allies." Daniel thought that was a plain yet unemotional statement of the situation.

The queen's hands waved in the air.

Daniel looked through the energy barrier surrounding him in the translator, squinting to see through the light. He could vaguely make out human shapes coming into the room, far more than the four of SG-1. He gave a little wave, hoping the others could see him. He couldn't see clearly enough to tell one from another but Jack's silhouette stood taller than most of the rest, his posture so familiar Daniel could see it in his sleep. Daniel spotted Teal'c easily, too but Sam and Jacob were lost in the moving shapes grouping together around the edges of the room.

A dozen Zilchoz guards followed them inside and positioned themselves between the queen and the humans.

Daniel suspected the aliens were armed, though they had not seen anything that looked like weaponry. SG-1 had not been relieved of their weapons, either, though Daniel guessed that might have been ignorance on the part of the aliens; or a sign of trust.

"Your people are here to witness the bargain we strike, Daniel," the queen stated firmly. "We tell you now that we are interested in learning about you, primitive though you are. However, you have incurred a debt that must be paid. When that is done, your people may go."

Relief flooded through him. "We are not certain if what we value will be of equal worth to you," Daniel told the queen, "but we will try to be certain that both parties are satisfied. We are eager to learn from you and to help you in any way that we can."

"Very well."

A holographic image appeared to one side of the queen. The shimmering walls of the translation device vanished so Daniel might see clearly. He watched a pastoral scene unfold, a lovely garden tended by a handful of Zilchoz. Suddenly several of them looked up and then the creatures began to scuttle away as fast as their multitude of stubby legs would carry them. The metallic shape of a Goa'uld cargo ship came into view and one of the unlucky aliens was unable to get out of the way before it plowed into the ground. When the ship came to rest, the Zilchoz lay in pieces amidst the flowers in the garden.

Daniel swallowed thickly. He knew instinctively that this was both a test and a very real debt that they were expected to pay. The walls came up again and he turned to face the queen.

"Daniel," called Jack from outside the translation device. There was a note of warning in his voice. Glancing through the curtain of light, Daniel saw the tall man take a step toward him. He already knew what was coming.

An odd sense of calm filled the archaeologist. "You will want a life for a life, great queen," he said gravely. "I offer you mine."

"No! Take me! Don't listen to him!"

Jack's panicked voice came through the translator clearly. Daniel didn't have to look to know that the colonel would be running toward him and that the rest of his team would be holding him back. Daniel shut out the sound, trying not to let the ache inside him shake his resolution. It was best this way. For both of them.

"I request that Meretseger be given to another host, so the debt is not unbalanced," he added and turned to look at his people. "Sam?"

"No! Take me! God dammit! Daniel, you can't do this. The Tok'ra need you." Jack's voice was strident and loud, raw with emotion.

"Your bargain is accepted," the Zilchoz queen told him. "Your people are free to go." She gestured and her guards began herding the Jaffa and Jacob out of the audience hall. "They will be returned to their ship, which has been repaired and is ready for travel. What is necessary for transfer of Meretseger?"

Daniel looked through the shimmering barrier at the four human shapes, three of them holding onto one, keeping the colonel in place. "My people know. The one who takes her will require a place to rest for a little while before being moved."

"It will be done," the queen said. "You are a people of honor, Daniel. We wish to be your friends."

He looked up at her with a sad smile, squaring his shoulders. "Thank you. We try to be but we don't always succeed."

**I will not go, Daniel! This is a foolish bargain you make. One of the Jaffa's Goa'uld symbiotes could just as easily have been sacrificed.**

\--And we're nowhere near a Stargate, Meret. That would be a death sentence for the Jaffa, and you know it. Could you choose which of them should die?--

**You choose to die because you do not wish to bear the pain inside you, beloved. This is not good reasoning. You could have found another way, if you had tried. It is a talent you have, Daniel. It is part of what makes you so very special.**

\--Their time was almost up. It's an expedient solution. Everyone gets what they want.--

**No, Daniel. None of those who love you wish to lose you.**

\--They'll get over it. People always get over what they lose, no matter how important they think it is to them. Life always goes on..--

The translator shut off and Daniel stepped off the pad. He walked over to the team, eyes only for Sam. "Will you take her, Sam? I know it's a lot to ask but the Tok'ra need her."

Jack shook off the arms keeping him still. "Why, Daniel?"

The archaeologist shrugged. "A life for a life," he returned sagely. "That rule is as old as time. Nothing we could have offered them would ever come close to repaying that debt. They were testing us. We passed, and may have made an ally in the bargain." He looked at Sam. Gently, he reached out and wiped the tears from her face.

"God, Daniel," she sniffed. "We thought we were gonna get to keep you this time."

"Well, it's been- what, eight times?" he teased half-heartedly. "Guess this is the last one. Fate had to catch up to me sooner or later." He sighed. "Will you? I have to hear you say it."

Jack's hand shot out and grabbed Daniel by the wrist. "No, Daniel," he rasped. "I'll do it."

Surprise jerked Daniel's head around to face his C.O. "That's the last thing in the world you want, Jack," he shot back. "You'd rather be dead than a host, remember?"

"Carter can't do it," Jack argued thickly. "That mission, remember? Only you and I can know about that."

\--Jacob will find you another host, Meret. Stay with Jack long enough to recuperate but don't bother trying to blend. You won't be staying. Can you deal with that?--

**Oh, my Daniel! My beloved. Of all those who have shared their lives with me, you have touched me the deepest. I am not certain I can survive losing you.**

\-- I know I've put you through a lot, beloved. I've called on your strength far too often. I know this is dangerous for you but you have to try. You have to live, for your people. You're needed.--

**As are you, beloved. As are you.**

Jack's eyes were wild with grief.

Daniel nodded. "She'll just stay until the Tok'ra find her a more suitable host, Jack," Daniel assured his former lover. "She won't try to blend with you. You won't even know she's there." He smiled and reached out to touch Jack's cheek with his fingertips. "Take good care of her."

"God, Daniel," Jack whimpered. His voice shook with emotion. "There's got to be another way."

"Not this time," Daniel assured him gently. "You ready?"

Jack reached out and pulled Daniel hard up against him, embracing him fiercely. "Daniel," he breathed, clutching the back of the younger man's head. He took a deep breath to steady himself, pulled slightly away and held Daniel's face in his hands. Tilting his head, he swept in and kissed the man in full view of his team, tongues wrestling each other as the symbiote swam between them. Jack jerked back when he felt the sting at the back of his throat, turned away and spat blood on the floor. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and then looked Daniel in the eye.

The man was already turning away, returning to stand before the Zilchoz queen, head bowed respectfully. Two guards led him out of the room. Jack felt his knees turn to Jello and sat down hard. Carter and Teal'c laid him down on some of the cushions and waited for the symbiote and her new host to bond.

* * *

The room was cold. Daniel looked at the apparatus and wondered if his death would be painful. There was a long table, long enough for a Zilchoz to lie on it, encircled by a large metallic-looking ring at one end. The guards indicated that he was to disrobe and Daniel did so without hesitation. He climbed up onto the table and stretched out on his back, eyes aimed at the ceiling.

He was tired and his throat hurt. Blood still trickled down it from the wound Meret made as she was leaving and now it would never heal. A sound made him look up and he saw the metallic ring begin to spin, throwing off a curtain of shimmering light that passed along the table toward him. He closed his eyes as it neared, expecting it to kill him as soon as it touched his head but it passed harmlessly over him and stopped at the foot of the table.

"Okay, still here," he told the guards, looking over at them.

One of them moved toward the wall, reaching for a control panel. Daniel saw the creature's hand press a series of buttons. He heard a hum and felt a sensation that made all the hair on his body stand on end. There was an instant of pain so bright and sharp it took his breath away.

It was his last breath.

* * *

Samantha followed the Zilchoz ambassador down the corridor. Colonel O'Neill was still recovering from implantation but the aliens required verification before allowing their visitors to leave. Carter left Teal'c watching over the colonel and volunteered to fulfill the final part of Daniel's bargain.

She took a deep breath before entering the execution chamber but no amount of preparation could have primed her for what she saw. The corpse was recognizably Daniel, though his glasses had been removed. The skin was charred black, the body bloated and blistered, as if it had been microwaved to a crisp.

There was no way he could have survived whatever it was the Zilchoz had done to him.

Turning aside, she retched and gagged, her empty stomach offering only a little bile and painful cramps. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she staggered out of the room and leaned against the wall outside. Tears streamed down her face, and she let them.

Struggling to take deep breaths and compose herself, she heard the ambassador waiting patiently behind her, its feet patting softly on the floor as it prowled the corridor. Finally, she turned and faced the alien. "Will we be allowed to take Daniel's body home with us? We'd like to bury him- with his parents."

It struck her that she had no idea where Daniel's parents were buried but the Air Force could find that out easily enough.

The Zilchoz gestured back into the room.

Steeling herself, she glanced back at the table just as Daniel's body began to fall apart, crumbling into ash.

She straightened, pulling herself together, with no idea where the strength to do it originated. "We'd like his ashes, then," she amended politely.

Moments later, the aliens handed her a small golden orb with a hole in the top covered with a gold stopper. She lifted it and peered inside at the fine gray dust. With a sigh she replaced the stopper and offered her thanks to the ambassador. Carrying Daniel's remains close to her heart, she headed back to the audience chamber to wait for Colonel O'Neill to be ready to travel.

* * *

\--You there, Harpo?--

**Here, my master.**

\--Tell me about Daniel. About all the stuff he never shared with me. I want to know.--

Jack held the orb in his lap, sitting on the bunk in the back of the Tok'ra cargo ship that had brought his team to that alien world.

"Hey, sir. Feeling better?" Carter came to sit down beside him, smiling sadly at him.

"Just having a little chat with my new roomie," he admitted.

"Oh. Then I'll leave you two alone." She started to rise.

Jack caught her wrist. "He's really gone?"

Sam's gaze fell on the orb. "That's him, sir. All that was left." She swallowed visibly, her eyes tearing up again.

He let go and patted her wrist. Then he waved her away and turned to hug the orb and face the wall. --Tell me, Harpo. Tell me about the things he loved, the things that hurt him. Just skip the parts with me, 'cause I already know how much pain I caused him. He died because of me.--

**My hosts' thoughts belong to them, my master. I cannot betray them even in death.**

Jack felt a sudden warmth blossoming inside him. It felt like a smile.

**I can give you something else, though. I can show you how he felt about you.**

\--Not right now. I'd rather wait till we're alone. After we get home.--

**Yes. You are a very private man, my master.**

\--Just Jack, okay?--

**As you wish. Sleep now, if you can. It will do us both good.**

Jack wanted to protest but exhaustion stole up on him as he sat so still. His eyes grew heavy and closed and without fighting it at all, he let himself slide into dreams and dreamed of Egypt, long ago.

* * *

Most of the week in transit to the nearest 'gated world, Jack spent sleeping. When he was awake he was somber, quiet and kept to himself. After returning to the base and debriefing General Hammond, he went through another day in the infirmary, being checked from stem to stern by Dr. Fraiser.

The moment she released him, Jack went straight to Daniel's quarters and stretched out on his back on the bed.

\--Harpo?--

**Here, Jack.**

\--I'm ready now. Show me Daniel's heart.--

Images flowed through his consciousness, all from Daniel's point of view. Visions of Jack laughing, teasing him, kissing and touching him. Warmth seeped into Jack's heart, filling him up and overflowing.

"God," he groaned. "So much- Can't hold it all- Meret stop. Stop." He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. "No one can love that much."

And he wept.

Daniel Jackson had loved Jack O'Neill **that** much- and more.

* * *

"O'Neill, are you there?" Teal'c knocked on the door to DanielJackson's quarters again. "O'Neill? You must come to the embarkation room immediately."

Jack's eyes were red and puffy as he opened the door. "What?" he sniffed. "I'm not on duty yet. Recuperating. Got a snake in my head now."

"And we have a Zilchoz ship in orbit over Earth," the Jaffa returned adamantly. "They have sent a request for you to attend them. Please come to the embarkation room immediately."

"Can't someone else talk to 'em? They're pretty much the last aliens I wanna see right now."

"They requested you specifically, O'Neill."

Jack looked down at himself. His clothes were wrinkled, like they'd been slept in - which they had. "I have to go to the bathroom first," he murmured. "Make myself presentable." He followed Teal'c down the corridor, stopping off in the locker room to splash some water on his face, comb his hair and put on a fresh shirt.

He felt better, still aware that he didn't look his spit-and-polish best but he was much better than he'd been a few minutes earlier. Composing himself, he headed for the 'gate room and spied a small ball of white light hanging in the air over the ramp. He glanced at his tall companion.

"It is an energy relay, connected to their translation device," Teal'c assured him. "Speak in the direction of the light and your words will be carried to the Zilchoz."

"Colonel Jack O'Neill, here," he said stiffly. "And Meretseger."

"We were impressed by the depth of your sacrifice, people of Earth," came a sexless voice from the brightness. "However, the Zilchoz are not a vengeful people. We do not believe in wasting life. In the spirit of friendship, we return what was taken from you. Your debt is paid. Your honor is genuine. We look forward to a long and prosperous friendship for both our peoples."

"Huh?" Jack looked at Teal'c. "What are they talkin' about?"

The little ball of light began to expand until it was a little more than half the size of the Stargate, a sphere of light with a lightning storm in the middle of it. The glow at the center increased in size, forming a pole from the bottom of the sphere to the top and then it began to thicken and widen. A shape began to form in the middle of it.

A human shape.

In a matter of seconds, it solidified and became opaque. When it was finished forming, the sphere vanished and standing before them was a completely naked, very much alive Daniel Jackson.

For a moment, no one moved.

Daniel's eyes opened, slowly at first, then very wide. His hands shot downward, covering his crotch. He hunched over, his face flaming. "Oh, shit," he whispered hoarsely. "My worst nightmare has come true."

Teal'c was the first to move. He grasped the sides of his T-shirt and pulled it off over his head. In two wide strides he stood before his former teammate and held the shirt up in front of Daniel's lower body. Jackson grabbed for it and did his best to wrap it around his hips. The Jaffa was smiling from ear to ear.

"Welcome back, DanielJackson," he intoned.

"Uh, thanks, Teal'c," Daniel ground out. He looked up into the control booth. "Hi, everybody. I- uh- didn't know they were gonna do this to me, or I'd have put some clothes on. I thought the Zilchoz were gonna execute me, not embarrass me to death." His gaze went to the side. "Can I borrow your shirt, too, Jack?"

The colonel was too stunned to move, just staring at the naked man.

Teal'c reached over and grasped O'Neill's arm, towing him closer. "Your shirt, O'Neill," he prodded gently.

"Shirt. Yeah. Okay." Jack moved mechanically, unable to take his eyes off Jackson's face. "How ya doin', Daniel?"

From the booth above, General Hammond's voice boomed into the 'gate room speakers. "You want to explain to me how the hell we can have a witness to your death, your ashes in an urn and you standing there alive and apparently well, Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel grabbed Jack's proffered shirt and held it over his backside, still hunched over and blushing from the chest up. "Uh- I was dead? For how long?"

"Nine days," Jack assured him soberly. "You don't remember anything?"

"As far as I'm concerned, you just took Meret fifteen minutes ago. My throat's still bleeding from her exit. Hurts like hell, too."

Jack gestured toward the door with a jerk of his head. "Infirmary."

Dr. Jackson glanced up into the control room for leave to go.

Hammond's scowl vaporised in favor of a wide smile. He chuckled. "Permission granted, Dr. Jackson. Welcome home. Again."

Daniel needed no further encouragement and hurried out of the gate room, heading straight for the nearest elevator, greeting people nervously as he passed by.

"You'll never live this down, Daniel," Jack teased, smiling so broadly his cheeks hurt as he followed.

"Oh, I know," sighed Daniel, swallowing a trickle of blood and grimacing at the pain. "Just one more thing on my **list** of Things I'll Never Live Down."

Jack stood behind him in the elevator, Teal'c to one side. He turned to the Jaffa. "The man is becoming a legend in his own time, T. Bet he'll have no end of women asking him out, now that they've had a peek at the goods."

Daniel shot him a mighty frown. "Jack, please!"

"Sergeant Wilson was in the control room this shift," Jack assured him. "Didn't you see her mouth hangin' open? Everybody else did. That is, everybody who wasn't checkin' out your Johnson." He chuckled mercilessly.

**Jack, behave.**

"Yes, ma'am," he answered automatically.

"Ma'am?" Daniel inquired petulantly, glancing over his shoulder as the elevator doors slid open. All three men exited the car.

Jack grinned as he pointed to his head. "Harpo was chastising me."

"You blended?" Daniel was obviously stunned.

"Let's just say we buried the hatchet," Jack said quietly, his smile fading to a happy glow. "You were right about her, Daniel."

Jackson only half listened as he hurried down the corridor to the infirmary, grabbing a hospital gown from the cabinet where he knew from long experience that the clean ones were kept. Using his companions as a shield, he dropped the shirts and put the gown on, clutching the back closed as he bent to retrieve the shirts and return them to their owners. He stood straight, his face still red but cooling rapidly. "How've you two been?" he asked quietly, looking at Jack and tapping his own temple.

O'Neill cocked his head. "Want Harpo back?"

Daniel looked a little lost. His hands came up, sliding along his ribs beneath his arms, hugging himself. "She should stay with you. It's hard on her to change hosts, not to mention dangerous."

Jack felt a lump form in his throat.

\--You belong with Daniel, Meret, but the choice is yours. If you can leave me safely, I'd be happy to let you go. If you'd rather stay- I think I'd be okay with it.--

**Let me think on it, Jack. I do not yet have the strength. Perhaps in another day or two.**

\--Take your time, honey. We want you to be where you're happiest. I just figured someone like you would be better off with a peacemaker than a warrior. You've seen some of the stuff I've been through but not all of it. I kept the worst shit to myself.--

**I understood that, Jack.**

He felt her smiling and smiled back.

\-- I'm such a cranky old fart, anyway. Daniel's younger- and prettier.--

**You are both beautiful men, beloved. The choice will not be easy.**

\--Flatterer.--

"She's thinkin' about it," Jack reported, his eyebrows rising. "Apparently, she's quite taken with me."

Daniel grinned. "I'm not surprised. You can be very charming when you want to be."

"Oh, and I have been. Charmed the pants right off her." He frowned. "Well, if- she **had** any pants, they'd be- off." He looked at the floor. That joke sounded unpleasantly familiar and Jack hated repeating himself.

"So what was that about my ashes?" Daniel asked hesitantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's a long story best told over cold beer and pizza," Jack assured him quietly. "Teal'c, you wanna be my security escort off the base?"

"Indeed," said Teal'c.

"Security?" Daniel asked.

Jack tapped his temple. "For Harpo; Queen's guard and all that. You remember."

"Oh." Daniel's eyebrows shot up his forehead and he nodded. "Yeah. Security."

"But first, Dr. Fraiser will want the pleasure of your company, Spacemonkey."

Daniel frowned at his C.O. and followed him further into the infirmary where Janet was no doubt waiting to examine every inch of his newly resurrected body.

* * *

Part VIII

A screech sounded the expiration of the wormhole as the Stargate shut down on the alien world. Jack and Daniel followed Jacob and the Tok'ra escort to a flat metal pad. The landscape vanished and suddenly they found themselves in a room with smooth metal walls, floors and ceiling, totally devoid of any decoration.

"A ship?" asked Jack, glancing around. "Where're we goin'? I don't get why we had to leave the base just to send Harpo back to Daniel."

"You don't need to know that right now. We're just hedging our bet." General Carter's eyes were dark with mystery and his expression grave. "This is dangerous for Meretseger, Jack, and we're not taking any chances."

"Doesn't look like your typical Goa'uld accommodations and no rings, either."

"That's because it's not a Goa'uld ship," Jacob told Daniel, gesturing around them. "This is a little something the Zilchoz gave us after our first negotiations." He grinned. "Apparently, they feel a sort of kinship for the symbiotes and are interested in exploring the possibility of becoming hosts at some point."

Jack's eyebrows shot up his forehead. "No kiddin'? That could make a lot of folks happy."

"If we can get the compatibility issues worked out beforehand," Daniel observed soberly. "Meretseger's first few spawnings can only have human hosts."

"There are a lot of issues to work out," Jacob agreed, "but for the moment, we've got a trip to make so let's get you boys settled in." He led the way to a small cabin with a full sized bed and built-in closet and bathroom. "This will be your quarters." He frowned and eyed the men individually. "Look, I know your relationship has been strained by all that's happened but we don't have a lot of extra room on this ship. You'll either have to put aside your differences and bunk here together, or I'll give up my room to one of you. Just keep in mind that the other will be sleeping with me and I snore."

"We'll be fine," Jack assured Carter, tossing his duffel bag against the bed.

"That's good to hear. I've got some things to do, so you two settle in and I'll see you shortly." Jacob closed the door behind himself as he left.

"How's your throat?" asked Jack, peering into the closet, checking out the room.

"Still a little sore but the stitches should be dissolving soon." Daniel set his bag on the bed and started unpacking.

"You feel okay?" O'Neill found some buttons on a panel next to the door. He started pushing them.

"I'm fine, Jack."

Neither man looked at the other. Moving toward the back of the room, Jack briefly considered unpacking, deciding to wait until Daniel was finished so they wouldn't get in each other's way. He promptly fell onto the bed, stretching out spread-eagled on his back, covering most of the mattress. He sighed and smiled, his eyes on the other man as Daniel moved about the room. "I'll miss Harpo, y'know," Jack announced casually.

Daniel didn't look up. "Are you sure this is what you want? You'll be okay after she's gone?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, Daniel. She'll still be where I can talk to her if I want."

Smiling, the archaeologist turned around and came to sit on the side of the bed between one long arm and leg. "Yeah. There's that." His smile faded. He looked at the bedspread. "Jack, can we be friends again?"

O'Neill's smile disappeared. "No, Daniel."

With a nod, Daniel sighed and picked at some imaginary lint on the covers. "Okay."

"We're way more than that," Jack added softly. "In spite of the road blocks I put in your way."

Blue eyes met brown and glowed with gratitude. "Thank you, Jack. I- I wasn't expecting that."

"I learned some important lessons from your little buddy," Jack explained. "Stuff like forgiveness and compassion- which, by the way, she does really good."

Daniel smiled. "I know. Goddess of Mercy over half the known world, in her day and possibly even deserving of the title."

Silence stretched between them. Daniel moved toward Jack, angling for a kiss just as the door whooshed open and Jacob strode in with a cheery greeting that made the archaeologist bolt upright.

"You kids ready to get started?" Carter asked them with a smile.

"Sure. Don't I just kiss him and let Harpo move back in?" asked Jack.

"It's not that simple," Jacob answered with a shake of his head. "Meretseger has been through a lot lately. We need to build up her strength for a couple of days before we attempt the transfer. That's gonna mean a lot of downtime for both of you."

"Sounds like a vacation to me," Jack returned with a grin.

"You'll be unconscious during most of it," Jacob explained. "First you, Jack. We'll be giving you some nasty-tasting elixirs to strengthen her and then when she's ready, it'll be Daniel's turn to shut down for a while. She's gonna need extra rest once she's made the jump and even when Daniel goes back to Earth, he'll need a reduced schedule for a while. Maybe as long as a month."

"I'll watch him like a hawk," Jack promised. "Regular bedtimes, balanced meals, the whole nine yards."

"Oh, thanks, Dad," Daniel snarked.

"You better settle down, Danny, or I'll turn this car around and we'll go straight home!" the colonel teased, waving a parental finger in the air.

Jackson rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"You ready?" asked Jacob, directing his question at O'Neill.

"Can we have a couple hours first?" asked the archaeologist.

"Plus a lock on that door?" Jack pointed to the gaping doorway.

Jacob glanced at the opening, then back at the two men. His brows twitched downward in confusion.

"We've got a friendship to mend," Jack explained soberly. "I'd like to do that before lights out."

"Oh. Sure thing, Jack." He showed both men how to operate the room controls, which included locking the door and altering the lights. "Come find me when you're ready to get started and good luck. You two are great together. I hated to see- what happened during the spawning come between you." Jacob smiled, pivoting on his heel in the habit of an old military man, striding away to give them some privacy.

Daniel gazed at the door, his brows scrunched in concentration. "I wonder if these rooms are soundproof," he mused out loud.

"We'll just have to remember to be quiet," said Jack as he reached for the other man, grasping his waist and pulling Daniel into his arms for a gentle, apologetic kiss.

"I don't want to be quiet," murmured Daniel between kisses, backing them both toward the bed. "I want to scream your name as I come." His hands caught Jack's shirt, the metal ball chain of his dogtags snagged as well. Daniel devoured Jack's mouth, starving for him, barely able to breathe. They moved as one to the mattress, rolling across it, then sitting up to unlace and remove their boots and socks, dropping them hastily on the floor.

Jack reached for Daniel's glasses and set them aside on a shelf along the back wall above the bed. Then his hands went to Daniel's hair, cradling his head, smoothing across his cheeks, exploring the landscape of Daniel's face, memorizing it with his touch. His heart squeezed up inside him, aching to have all of him, to be inside him, to have Daniel invade his body, all at once.

Something bright and hot blossomed inside him; passion such as he had never felt. It brought tears to his eyes, made him quiver, made him quake. "Daniel," he breathed hoarsely. "My Daniel." The walls he had spent so many years building inside him came tumbling down, freeing him as he looked up into those impossibly blue eyes. Jack could feel the symbiote's gentle touch, her spirit cradling his, urging him to speak, to say to those eyes what he had only confessed in the dark of night, when they were closed.

"I love you, Daniel. I never told you how beautiful you are to me and I want to do that now."

Daniel's fingertips touched his lips. Tears filled the younger man's eyes. He smiled, trembling and full of emotion. "Shhhh. It's okay. I knew."

"No, you didn't." Jack held that beloved face in his hands as if it was the most precious thing in the universe, because to him it was. "You hoped. You wanted but you never really knew. You needed the words, Daniel, but you never asked for them because you knew I couldn't give them to you. Until now, I couldn't. This is Harpo's gift to both of us."

Light flooded Jack's soul and he knew its source.

\--You're all right, Harpo.--

**You are not too shabby, either, O'Neill.**

\--No peeking when we get naked, though. Deal?--

**I will go to sleep like a good girl, beloved. Enjoy our Daniel.**

\--That's my gal.--

"It's okay," Daniel insisted. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks and over his full lips, swollen and pink from kissing. His breath hitched in a strangled sob and he grimaced, holding in his pain.

"It's **not** okay," declared Jack. "You're all about the words. Words are your life. You eat, sleep and breathe words, Daniel. You need them as much as you need me and I have to say them to you. I **love** you. I love** you.** I love you so much it destroys me, yet you make me indestructible. In your eyes I have gone to Hell and been carried up to Heaven. I live in your eyes, Danny."

"Jack." Breath careened into Daniel's lungs with a groan. "God, Jack." He slipped his arms around Jack's neck and buried his face against the man's throat. Daniel just held him and rocked, bent over Jack's body as they lay on the bed, curled up on top of him.

Closing his eyes, Jack slipped his hands around Daniel's ribs, smoothing his palms over that broad, muscular back. "You're so strong, Danny. Sometimes I think you're unbreakable but then I hurt you and watch you crumble. Nobody else can hurt you like that, you know. Only me, because you love me so damned much and I don't even know why. I'll never understand that."

"Jack-" Daniel's whole body was shaking. His breath was hot against Jack's throat.

"Let it go, Danny," the older man whispered. "Let it all out. You've held everything in all these years, all the hurt, all the love, all the need, never letting anybody really touch you, except for me and Harpo. You let me destroy you, over and over again, because you couldn't hold anything back from me. You couldn't wall off any part of your heart to keep it safe. You let me stomp on you whenever I felt like it and then you turned around and loved me right back, no matter how much of an ass I was."

"No." It was only a small, anguished cry, accompanied with a brief shake of the head in denial.

"You saw more good in me than there really was, you know," Jack went on, pulling Daniel closer. "You saw this knight in shining armor out to save the world and what was really there was a cranky, antisocial old Neanderthal who didn't even care about himself. You made me a better man than I was ever s'posed to be. You did that, Daniel. With your love."

Daniel pulled out of his arms and sat up, pulling the hem of his T-shirt up to wipe his face and his nose. "No, Jack," he sniffed, his voice growing steadier. "I saw the diamond underneath all the dirt and gravel. You just needed somebody to grind away all the rough spots so you could shine. The good stuff was there all along."

Jack smiled at him, his soul lighting up in the glow of those sapphire eyes. "You're amazing and I'm the luckiest asshole in the universe, because you chose me."

"No, I didn't," argued Daniel with a trace of irony. He sniffed, pulled off his shirt and blew his nose on it, tossing it aside. "I didn't have any choice in the matter. Jack O'Neill is a force of nature. I couldn't resist you anymore than I could hold my ground in a hurricane."

Jack's eyes followed the shirt in flight. "Hope you brought extras," he observed playfully, " 'cause you're not borrowing any of mine. My momma taught me I don't wear hankies."

"Yeah, well, mine did, too but it was either that or be so completely disgusting you wouldn't want to kiss me."

"That'll never happen," promised Jack. "Then again, you are a guy. I take it back. You have, in fact, grossed me out a few times."

"Oh? When?"

"Not now. There's kissing and screwing to be done here. We've got a time limit." He sat up and divested himself of the rest of his clothes in record time while Daniel did the same, then fished the lube he'd brought with him out of his bag. For a moment, Jack just looked at that lovely body, reaching out with reverent fingers to lay his hand over Daniel's heart. He felt the steady rhythm; the warm, smooth skin, the thick, springy plates of muscle and wondered how he could have been so blind to all that beauty for so long.

"I love you," Jack said again. The words slipped out effortlessly now. It felt natural to say them. The cadence rolled off his lips over and over until a delirously smiling Daniel tackled him in slow motion and carried him down to the mattress. Jack kept his eyes open, watching Daniel kiss him, delighting in the glow of the lights glinting off his lover's hair. He felt every delicious stroke of those soft lips over his face, his throat and his chest. He groaned with need as Daniel's teeth caught one of his nipples, followed by the wet heat of that sensitive mouth as Daniel suckled him. Lower and lower his lover moved, drawing moans and sighs from Jack as Daniel teased, tasted, nibbled and sucked.

Jack looked down as Daniel swallowed his erection, cupping those smooth cheeks in his hands. This was love, Daniel's love for him, drinking him down, hungry for more. Daniel's whole being issued from his mouth; it was his tool for bridging the gap between himself and the universe and he was making love to Jack O'Neill with it.

"I love you, Daniel," Jack whispered. He was close, surprised by how little it took to bring him to that point. He didn't care. Daniel was loving him and that was all that mattered. Jack's body undulated beneath his lover, hips flexing and relaxing, driving him gently up into that beautiful mouth, then gliding slowly out. He relaxed against the pillows and let go, his hips jerking involuntarily as he came, the rasp of his breath the only sound he made.

Daniel swirled his lips and tongue all around Jack's cock until he had drained it, crawling up the length of Jack's body, to settle over him face to face. "Do you want me?" he asked breathlessly.

Jack just nodded. Several moments passed before Daniel looked away to grab the Astroglide and move to his knees. He slicked himself up and scooped his hands beneath Jack's buttocks, guiding them upward. Jack handed Daniel a pillow to stuff under his hips, their movements a ballet of slow, practiced gestures imbued with grace and love.

Carefully, Daniel guided himself to Jack's sphincter, pressing in just slightly. He eased forward a little, taking his time. Slowly, he let go of his erection and moved his hand to Jack's belly, rubbing in small circles, dipping a fingertip into his navel, stroking over Jack's softening cock, squeezing his balls.

The sensation of being filled was incredible. Jack couldn't get enough of looking at Daniel on his knees, muscles flexing with every small movement, satin skin glowing golden in the soft light. Jack was wide open at that moment, surrendered completely to Daniel, giving him total control of the body and soul of Jack O'Neill.

He had never felt so free, so weightless and so beautiful.

Those blue eyes sparkled, pupils so huge his eyes were nearly black with passion. Daniel smiled softly, a dimple flaring in his right cheek. Slowly, carefully, he leaned over and covered Jack with his body, reaching for Jack's hands and lacing their fingers together. He rolled his hips back, withdrawing slightly, only to ease gently back inside.

Emotion flowed up and out of Jack like a fountain, bubbling up from the depths of his soul. In this moment he was happy. He had need of nothing and no one other than this man.

Daniel lay still. His breath warmed Jack's lips as he stared into his lover's brown eyes. "I love you, Jack," he whispered. "I can't remember a time when I didn't. It's like you've been there with me, inside me, all my life."

"Maybe I was," Jack murmured, resting his palm against Daniel's cheek. "Maybe that's why I was always such an asshole till you came tearing into my life and knocking down everything in your path, because you were the keeper of my soul. I didn't even know I had one- until you."

Tears gathered in Daniel's eyes. He closed them and leaned down, placing his eyelids against Jack's mouth, first one, then the other, letting Jack kiss the moisture away. Daniel's lips covered his then, drinking the salt from Jack's lips and tongue.

Jack could hear the words echoing in his head, in Daniel's voice, resonating memories shared days earlier with Harpo.

**"I love you. I love you, Jack. I will love you forever. Forever. Always. My heart. My soul. My Jack."**

He felt Daniel moving faster, his strokes surer but still gentle. Jack opened his eyes, looking at that beautiful face, eyes closed, lips parted and his breath coming quick and shallow. He could feel how close Daniel was, a tension in his body that built in his belly, tightening against Jack's own. Daniel's lower lip was quivering and the sight of it melted the older man's heart all over again. Jack's thumb stroked across that trembling lip and Daniel opened his eyes to look into those of his lover.

"I'm..." he whispered.

"Coming," Jack finished for him. "Yes, Daniel. Fill me up with your love."

Daniel buried himself in Jack's ass, his body frozen in place as the spasms began, eyes still open.

Mesmerized by the sight, Jack lay still and relaxed, half his attention concentrating on the incredible sensation of Daniel's orgasm pulsing inside him; the other half lost in the wonder of those eyes looking into his.

For a long time they just lay together, breathing over each other's faces, eyes locked together. Time, however, was running out and they reluctantly separated after a final kiss. They stepped into the bathroom and cleaned up, Jack changing into sweats and Daniel into his Tok'ra suedes. Uncertain what to do with the wet spot on the bedspread, they searched the closets for fresh linens and found a blanket they could throw over the top. That done, they indulged in one final kiss before unlocking the door.

Jack slipped into the bed while Daniel went to find Jacob and in less than an hour the colonel lay unconscious under the covers with his archaeologist stretched out on his belly beside him, writing in his journal.

* * *

Yawning, Jack struggled to fight off the effects of the last brew Jacob had foisted on him the previous day. It was powerful stuff, whatever it was, dropping him like a stone. He could feel the effects of it in his body, though, hyping up his energy despite the lingering sleepiness. It was strange to feel so awake and so sleepy all at the same time but he also felt really good.

Checking the mirror, he decided he looked pretty good for an old fart, too.

**You are beautiful, beloved.**

\--Bet you say that to all the hot colonels, Harpo.--

Jack chuckled and turned away from his reflection to check his gear. Why Jacob insisted he have the P-90 ready, Jack wasn't sure. He was going to be transferring the symbiote back to Daniel in the transporter room of the Zilchoz ship. No Goa'uld or Jaffa were anywhere in the neighborhood... but then, they'd been going somewhere for the past however many days while Jack slept. Maybe they were knee-deep in Goa'uld territory. He made a mental note to ask.

Once he was ready, he checked the load on his weapon and headed for the transporter room. A stretcher was laid out on a small table and Daniel was lying on it, staring up at the ceiling, drumming his fingers impatiently on his chest. Jacob stood on the far side of the stretcher, two Tok'ra were at either end and three other Tok'ra stood around that group in a tight circle. There wasn't much room for Jack but they'd saved a place for him by Daniel's head. Another Tok'ra stood by the transporter controls in the corner.

"Ready, Jack?" Jacob asked, his expression grave.

"We're ready," he assured the old general. His gaze shifted down to Daniel and he offered a smile. "You ready, buddy?"

"Good to go." A tiny gleam of fear flickered in Daniel's eyes. He had told Jack there was something in the journal that he wanted Jack to read during his downtime after the implantation. That had sounded like a potential farewell when Daniel said it.

It was a reminder of just how dangerous this transfer would be. All three of them were willing to take the risk but it still had the potential to be fatal for one or more of them. Jack took Daniel's left hand in his, squeezing it for reassurance.

"Jack," Jacob called, lifting one hand into view. "As soon as you've released Meretseger, straighten up and lift your chin. I'll use the healing device on your throat to fix the hole. We'll need you at a hundred percent and it'll only take a few seconds to repair the damage."

"Right." Jack looked from the device on Jacob's hand to the older man's eyes. "You've got all the angles covered, haven't you?"

"We hope so. Let's get this done, gentlemen."

"I'd like to know why we're doing this **here,** Jacob," Jack asked. "Why we're in a ship. Where the hell we are. Why you want me armed and battle-ready. Things are not adding up."

Jacob's eyes sparkled intently. "We're not taking any chances, Jack. We cannot afford to lose Meretseger. I'm sure you understand that."

"Still waiting for falling footwear."

"Tok'ra intelligence has supplied us with the location of a sarcophagus," Jacob explained hesitantly. "Just in case."

"I don't want that," Daniel argued gently. "Neither does Meret."

"If we don't need it, we go home and no one will even know we were here," said Jacob, "but if we do- We can't lose our queen, Daniel. Period."

Jack nodded. "So this sarcophagus is heavily guarded, huh?" He checked his weapon again.

"Let's hope we don't need it." He looked at Jack. "Ready when you are." Holding up his right hand, the healing device began to glow faintly.

O'Neill looked down at his lover and smiling briefly, leaned over and placed his lips over Daniel's. He wanted to kiss but held back. Meretseger shouldn't have to fight her way past their tongues as she had done the last time. Jack felt a sharp prick at the back of his throat and a thick serpentine body slid over his tongue. He tasted blood and as soon as he was sure the symbiote was gone from his body, he stood up and leaned toward Jacob, chin up.

The tinny taste of blood stayed with him for a minute and as Jacob pulled his hand away the soreness was gone. When Jack swallowed, the unpleasant flavor vanished.

He was alone.

Jack wasn't sure he liked that feeling, now that he had something to compare to it.

"Guk!"

Daniel's body jostled against Jack, drawing his attention down to the stretcher. Daniel's eyes were wide with surprise. He was jerking, thrashing, choking. Flecks of pink foam spattered around his mouth and as Jack watched in horror, a fountain of deep red blood flowed out of Daniel's mouth.

"Jacob!" Jack couldn't tear his eyes away. "Do something!

"I can't," the older man growled back sharply. "She has to get in on her own. If she doesn't have the strength..."

O'Neill put a hand to his throat. His newly healed throat. His mind ricocheted back to Daniel's resurrection on the base and his visit to the infirmary... where Janet Fraiser had sewn up the exit tear in the back of Daniel's throat.

"Stitches!" Jack cried. "His throat's closed up with stitches, Jacob. She can't get in. Jesus, stop this! Do something!"

Blood poured out of Daniel's mouth, over his cheeks and chin, across his throat. He struggled to sit up but Jacob pushed him back down. Daniel's body was reacting instinctively to the trauma. He was fighting for his life, fighting to breathe, drowning in his own blood and he was not going down quietly.

"Help me hold him down, Jack!" Jacob ordered.

"Get her out!" Jack argued. "He's dying."

"We have to let her get in however she can," Jacob argued, leaning on Daniel's chest with both hands. "Keep him still, goddammit."

Jack shoved Carter backward but by then Daniel's spasms were weakening. He rolled his head to look at his lover, eyes pleading, apologizing. He clutched at Jack's uniform briefly and then let go. His eyes rolled closed and he stopped breathing.

Terror shot through the colonel. "Jacob!" he roared. "Help him! Do something."

Selmak barked an order to the Tok'ra at the transporter controls and then returned to the stretcher at Daniel's side. He looked up at Jack as a wall of light shot up around them. "Keep silent, Colonel O'Neill. We will be entering a heavily guarded chamber in the stronghold of the Goa'uld, Apollo. No one knows we are here because our ship is cloaked to their sensors. If we are quick and quiet, we might leave without encountering enemy fire."

Suddenly they stood in a small chamber of Roman design filled with light. At the center of the room sat a long, coffin-shaped golden box.

A sarcophagus.

He exchanged a glance with Jacob. Then he stepped away, intent on securing the room. There was only one entrance, a well-decorated stone door that stood closed. Once he was certain there was no immediate threat, he sidled up to the sarcophagus just as Jacob opened it. The chamber was filled with the sound of stone grating on stone and as the cover sections parted, Jack could see that the machine was already occupied.

Without hesitation, Jack reached into the sarchopagus just as Apollo's eyes opened, hands closing around the Goa'uld's throat. Though the alien was stronger, Jack knew a myriad ways to kill using his hands. The false god died without making a sound, his body tossed aside like so much rubbish.

The Tok'ra aides lifted Daniel's body into the sarchophagus and closed it. All attention was directed outward, to the door, keeping watch while the machine did its work. As the lid began to part, Jack risked a glance inside and felt his heart skip a beat as Daniel's eyes opened. Jack put his finger to his lips to silence Daniel's inquiry before it sounded and an instant later the curtain of light formed around them again, sarcophagus and all, carrying them back to the Zilchoz ship.

"I thought the Tok'ra didn't use sarchophagi?" Daniel asked as he was lifted out of the thing, perfectly healed.

Jacob smiled with relief. "For Meretseger, we figured just this once wouldn't hurt."

Daniel put a hand to his head. "Yeah, well, it's not just once for me and she's not very happy about it."

"Stitches?" asked Jack, patting Daniel's shoulder and then his cheek, fingers sliding around his nape for a moment. He pointed to his own throat to clarify his question.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed with a nod. "Meret couldn't go in where the tissues were softest because the stitches barred her way and when she tried to go around..." He swallowed hard and glanced down, unable to lift his head to see the blood all over him but obviously aware of it. "She was pretty weak by then and accidentally sliced open my carotid."

"Rest now," Jacob told him gently. "She's in place, right?"

"Just barely. She's not fully connected yet."

"Then don't move. When she's plugged in, we'll put you under to build both of you up." Jacob grinned. "You're gonna be okay. Just rest now." He patted Daniel's cheek fondly.

Daniel closed his eyes. "Will somebody clean me up?"

"I'll do it, Daniel," Jack assured him. He heaved a heavy sigh of relief. "So, I s'pose we get the heck outta Dodge before Apollo's Jaffa figure out their god is dead?"

Jacob nodded. The other Tok'ra all left to carry out the plan, while Jack and Jacob hoisted the stretcher and carried it to the cabin the men had been sharing. He patted Jack on the shoulder, still grinning. The man was certainly proud of his queen.

When they were alone, Jack took his service knife and cut the clothes off Daniel, who only protested a little.

"I can't move you, you know," Jack reminded him. "If you want to be clean, you either have to wait hours and hours or you lose this sexy outfit."

"It's sexy?"

"The way that leather clings to your body? Jeez, you could give me a hard-on from a mile away and the way those pants fit your ass! Damn, Daniel. You're hot in leather. I'm buying you some when we get home. Black leather pants and a matching jacket."

Daniel sighed. "How am I gonna wear that on the base?" He opened his eyes just a crack, looking at his lover from beneath his lashes.

Jack grinned. He fetched his discarded T-shirt from the previous day and dampened it to use as a washcloth. "I figured you might move into my house. I'm an officially sanctioned security guy and Hammond knows I'd die before I let anybody get to you. Plus, you don't really have your own place anymore. I've got that big house with a spare bedroom and no one'll be the wiser."

"You've got this all thought out, eh?" Daniel's voice was sleepy and deep and sexy.

"All the angles covered." He sponged the drying blood off his lover's face and body and then carefully pulled the ruined tunic out from under him. Jack saw Daniel's nipples harden and taking that as a sign of cold rather than arousal, he pulled the blankets over his lover's body.

"Going to sleep, now," Daniel murmured, his eyes sliding closed.

Jack leaned over and lightly kissed his mouth, his eyelids and his forehead. "Sweet dreams, beloved," he whispered. "Both of you."

Under the spell of the Tok'ra energy potion, the archaeologist drifted off into a drugged stupor and Jack fetched the journal, opening it to the page Daniel had marked for him. He sat down on the bed beside his sleeping lover and began to read.

**When I came to the SGC, I didn't look too much at people. Like Robert Rothman, I preferred those who were long dead to the living. My work was all about attempting to reconstruct ancient lives that seemed so much more interesting than our own. Making the journeys I have over the last several years have shown me that single lives do matter and that sometimes the most important ones are right beside me. One person really can change the course of history. I know somebody like that.

He didn't like me very much at first and the feeling was mutual. By the time he left me in the desert, we'd learned to respect each other. By the time we found my wife, we were friends. I did things for him I wouldn't have done for anyone else, because on some mysterious level, we understood each other. I grew to admire him and because of that I started to change. I wanted to become someone he could admire, too and that was hard. He had to be met on his own terms, which meant learning things that were completely alien to me - like those hand signals, the weapons, handling explosives, being a soldier. I'm still not good at some of it but I'm trying and he respects that.

For some reason beyond my ken, I'm important to him now. He thinks I'm not aware of my faults but I am. When I start rambling during briefings, I know he'll rein me in with a look, a gesture, a roll of the eyes. He helps me keep my focus, in a lot of ways. He's my counterbalance, reminding me to keep things simple and I'm his, reminding him that he's not a machine. We fill in each other's weak spots and make each other stronger... which also means that we are each other's greatest weaknesses.

It's not a co-dependence thing, though. He has shown that he's perfectly able to continue without me. It wasn't fun but he got through it and I learned I sucked at being without him. What does all this mean, in the grand scheme of things?

We're Yin and Yang; two sides of the same coin. We need each other to be whole. That's a pretty heavy lesson, considering what we do every day. Even now, as he lies sleeping while I'm awake, I find myself wanting to be wherever he is, even in his dreams. I've never experienced that with anybody before and it's a little frightening. Part of me wants to run but I can't. I know I can't. However far away I might get, wherever I might go, I'll always come back... even from the dead. There's an invisible tether between us that keeps us tied to one another.

You might say her name is Meret.

Which, by the way, means 'she who loves.'

Being tied to someone by Love is not a bad place to be.

From the moment my parents died, I no longer had a home, a place to belong, or people who wanted me. All my life, that's what I had been seeking and now I've finally found it. I'm home. I belong. I am loved. There is no greater gift than this in my universe.**

When Jack finished, he reclined on his side; body pressed against Daniel's, the journal tucked close to his heart. A sense of satisfaction filled him, comforted him.

The page had no indication of whom Daniel meant by name. To the casual observer, it appeared to be just another entry in a personal journal but the message was clear to Jack O'Neill, to anyone who knew their personal history. It was a statement not of romantic love but of something far deeper. The two men were connected and the thought of that started an idea percolating in Jack's mind that just might make a difference later on down the road.

* * *

General Hammond sat at the head of the briefing table, watching the two men interact. Everyone else on SG-1 seemed oblivious to the undercurrent but George was not. O'Neill made one of his customary off-the-wall jokes and Jackson laughed at it. He caught himself, of course and apologized with the caveat that Meret thought the remark was funny. She liked Jack's bizarre sense of humor.

This wasn't the first signal that Hammond had observed. There were a host of others: **O'Neill at Jackson's bedside during his recovery when they returned from the symbiote transfer months earlier, with Jack holding Daniel's hand as the younger man lay sleeping, refusing to leave his bedside. O'Neill and Jackson walking down the corridor together, both of them smiling at each other. O'Neill whispering in Jackson's ear, eliciting a blush from the archaeologist.**

At first, George had been relieved at the apparent mending of their friendship and passed it off to another near-loss of Jackson spooking the colonel. Tensions between the men seemed to have disappeared during the week of the transfer. Afterward they moved in together and were spending personal time with each other again, along with the other members of the team. Dr. Jackson resumed his place on SG-1 and then little changes started to happen, looks exchanged that spoke of intimacy. Touches that could easily be construed as friendship but hinted at something more.

The official policy was 'don't ask, don't tell.' Officially, the men's behavior was all above-board; so the general shouldn't be worried about it, especially since Dr. Jackson was now back on his team in his previous capacity. George Hammond, however, was not the type of commander to let undercurrents ripple and turn into tidal waves. He kept watch during the remainder of the briefing and when he had dismssed the others, he called Colonel O'Neill into his office.

"Close the door, colonel," he advised, taking a seat behind his desk.

"Is there a problem, sir?" Jack asked, obviously sensing his C.O.'s disquiet.

"Have a seat."

Jack did.

"First off, I'd like you to know that I'm pleased you and Dr. Jackson have found a way to get past your previous... discomfort with each other."

O'Neill flexed a polite smile, waiting for more. "Is there a 'but,' sir?"

"You know the military's policy on same-sex relationships." He let that hang. The colonel's expression did not flicker. "I've observed some... behaviors between you and Dr. Jackson that I find... disturbing."

"I see." Jack sat up a little straighter in his chair. "So, you think there's something going on between us, is that it?"

"I'm beginning to wonder," George admitted. "What I observed between the two of you today looked like... flirting."

"I wasn't flirting with Daniel," said Jack firmly. "I was, however, flirting with Harpo."

Hammond's mouth dropped open and then snapped shut. "So you admit it."

Jack's expression didn't change. "I've been intimate with her, General, if you'll recall. In a way that's a whole helluva lot deeper than sex. We developed a sincere affection for each other during the time I was her host."

"But you're not her host now. Dr. Jackson is."

"Yes, sir." Jack laced his fingers together, elbows resting on the chair arms, "and since he and I are such good friends and both of us care deeply for Harp-Meretseger, he makes allowances for me to continue my relationship with her."

That was as close to an admission of guilt as George wanted to get. He narrowed his eyes at the colonel, afraid to proceed but knowing his responsibility in the matter. "Does that include physical intimacy, colonel?"

Jack stared at him. He fidgeted in his chair. He frowned at his hands and then looked up, his gaze serious and dark. "Permission to speak off the record, sir?"

George considered. If he acceded, nothing O'Neill said until they resumed record status could be considered. It was tricky territory but the indications were already clear. Something was going to have to be done and whatever Jack said off the record would have little if any bearing on the matter.

"Permission granted."

"You remember that mission that Jacob called me in on, way back after Daniel first got the snake?"

"Of course."

"You remember how we were afterward, Daniel and me?"

George took a deep breath. "Yes. Your friendship was over. It was a sad day for all of us here at Stargate Command."

"I know you've wondered what happened that could cause such a rift between us but Jacob told you beforehand not to ask. He also told me not to tell. Remember?"

The general nodded. He had a growing suspicion but waited for confirmation.

"The Jaffa were in dire need of symbiotes. The Tok'ra couldn't produce enough Tritonin for all of those whose symbiotes would be maturing over the next few years," Jack said calmly, his eyes never leaving Hammond's face. "The Tok'ra themselves were dying out, just a few of 'em left." He paused, "and then we discovered a Tok'ra queen."

Ideas were clicking. They were heading into dangerous territory. He pursed his lips and kept listening.

"The Tok'ra needed symbiotes," Jack went on, "but to ensure they would be compatible with human hosts at maturity, they needed DNA." Taking a deep breath, Jack looked down at his hands again. "The choice was someone Daniel knew and trusted, or a stranger and there was no way I was gonna let somebody rape him, George, no matter how noble the cause. I'm sure you can understand that."

Hammond's eyes closed. His heart clenched, picturing the difficult position both men had endured. "And that's what destroyed your friendship."

"Yes, sir." Jack rose from the chair, pacing the room and rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Jesus, Jack. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place..."

O'Neill nodded. "Earth was Daniel's home," he continued. "He had a right to be here and I had no right to keep him away from the place he wanted most to be. Then we went on that mission to the Zardoz-"

"Zilchoz," George corrected.

"--homeworld and Daniel sacrificed himself for Jacob and those Jaffa. He had to save Meretseger and asked Carter to take her but if she'd done that, she would have been witness to what happened between Daniel and me. I couldn't allow that, as I'm sure you understand."

"Of course," Hammond growled, his heart aching for both men. "Jack, I'm sorry."

The colonel shook his head. "Don't be. When I took on Meret, I had every intention of keeping her out of my mind, just like I did with Kanaan. That's why it didn't work with that snake and me, y'know. I refused to blend because Kanaan was an asshole. Maybe even more of one that me." He stopped walking and sighed, closing his eyes. "Meret showed me some things, George. Made me realize the Tok'ra are not all alike. I let her in a little but we didn't really get to finish blending before Daniel came back and I knew she had to go back to him. She doesn't belong in a warrior. She's all about peace and so is Daniel. They belong together."

"So Meret was responsible for mending your relationship with Dr. Jackson," George assumed.

O'Neill nodded. "She clued me in to a few things about him that I didn't know. We mourned together and I think... I may have... might have... grown to... care about her... a lot." He lifted his head and looked at his C.O. with haunted eyes. "I've never shared that much of myself with anyone, George. Not even my wife. There's a relationship there that I want to continue. Sometimes when I look at Daniel, I don't really see him. I see her, or rather, Harpo's memory of her first host. She was a beautiful woman."

He inhaled deeply and let the breath go slowly, gazing at the floor, hand worrying at the back of his neck. "So yeah, I was flirting at the briefing today. I'll put a stop to it when I'm on government time but when I'm off duty, I can't promise not to go there. It doesn't matter to me that she's in a man's body because what I want from her is in Daniel's mind."

O'Neill eyed his C.O. firmly. "But you should know, George, that when the Tok'ra decide it's time for another litter of Meretseger's kids, they're gonna call on me and I'll go willingly. I'll do it because of the way I feel about her but also because Daniel is my friend."

Jack stuck his hands in his pockets. "On the record -- this relationship goes way beyond anything the military ever dreamed of, sir. In my opinion, it does not compromise either Daniel or me, because we are both straight guys. Daniel and I share friendship of the finest kind. All the members of SG-1 have that for each other and I think its part of what makes us your strongest team. The relationship between myself and Meret is male-female, perfectly acceptable to military authority, especially because she's one of our allies and is therefore not covered by military regs."

George sat back in his chair, stunned by this revelation. His mind was sorting through everything, classifying and comparing to the rules, as he knew them. He stared at his 2IC thoughtfully. "So, basically, what you're saying - off the record, of course - is that, if this relationship were to come up for review, it would be tossed out because it's not a homosexual relationship due to the alien aspect of it?"

"Yes, sir. I think I am."

A slow smile spread across Hammond's face. Relief flooded through him. He shook his head in wonder. "You know, Jack, I think you may be right. SG-1 seems to have a way of defying the rules and coming out on top," he sobered, "but you need to be aware that others may have seen the same signals I do. You need to keep it off the base, on your own time."

"Yes, sir. I can do that."

Hammond cleared his throat. "Is this going to compromise your work in the field, colonel?"

Jack shook his silver head. "Meret is pretty much dormant when we go off world. She doesn't like the soldiering and the only time she makes her presence known is to Daniel when he's doing his archaeologist thing." He grinned. "It's funny. Daniel used to be such a chatterbox when he was pawing through old ruins. Yammerin' on about this dynasty, that culture, dialect this, artifact that... Now he barely says two words while he's workin'. I can see whole conversations goin' on in his head. His expressions change with what he's thinkin', y'know? The guy is so easy to read."

"So instead of talking out loud, he's conversing with his symbiote."

Nodding, Jack added, "He's become the quiet one, sir. Sometimes Teal'c talks more than Daniel does. That is, until someone asks him a question. Then he's running off at the mouth again and normalcy is restored. Poor Harpo."

Hammond chuckled. He shook his head. "The stories we could tell, Colonel O'Neill. The stories we could tell."

Jack's eyebrows climbed up his forehead. "Yes, but then we'd have to kill anyone who heard 'em."

"Dismissed, Colonel," Hammond said with a grin. "This conversation did not take place, as long as you keep your behavior on base appropriate."

O'Neill smiled. It was a smile filled with warmth and gratitude. "What conversation?" he asked quietly. He straightened and saluted, a gesture of honor and respect.

George returned the gesture, not so much because of military regulations but because O'Neill deserved it. He was a maverick but he was also one of the finest soldiers with whom George had ever served. Jack O'Neill served the spirit of the military, if not the letter of the regulations and time after time, when things were at their bleakest, he and his team came through for the people of planet Earth. Hammond said a silent prayer for God to watch over those four - those five; he amended, remembering the Tok'ra now among them.

Somehow, George believed, if anyone was going to find a way to neutralize the Goa'uld threat, it would fall onto the shoulders of SG-1 to do it. Keeping that team intact was a priority, in General Hammond's book. They were special, each and every one of them. Including the quiet one hidden in their midst.

FINIS


End file.
